these neurons that fire up, creating permanent patterns
shifting in intensity over time.
will you prod the sensitivities
to create dancing strobe lights;
under the microscope, these big things
that define our moments?
will you teach me a new language
or leave me seeing stars
(scintillating puncta)
for data points in an fMRI?
these old conversations, just another
route of synapses
let's get the cryopreservant --
scenes of life art adorn the walls.
A/N:
This is what a bonne projection is.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Greeting Molten rock that has left the earth, usually via a volcano (aka Lava)I'm doing another midnight review!
Usually I would dissuade anyone from using such difficult to comprehend terms and concepts in a poem, but you were able to execute it satisfactory.
I only thought it fitting to review one of your pieces after you wrote a great review on one of mine. This review is the result. But enough ranting!
Talk about scientifiic jargon! Good thing I take Science at school and pay attention in class.
I have to agree with Rogue though, because the rythm was a little choppy and accentuated oat times. It must have been extremely challenging to write a piece containing so many scientific terms, so I don't reakly blame you.
Other than that, I would say this is a well exevuted piece, and is enjoyable to read (given that you understand what it's about). I therfore rate this 7.5 out of ten. Good work!
Sincerely,
The Wandering Wizard
Hi WW! Thanks a lot for the review!
Mhmm yeah I find rhythm tricky but I'll work on it. :3
YES! Craving more. This is so scientific and beautiful!
"Will you teach me a new language or leave me seeing stars." How beautiful!! What is it like in your mind? I MUST KNOW! Haha (that's a little creepy, I apologize) but really, it was so beautiful. May I make a suggestion though? The writing itself is a little choppy, it doesn't run smoothly but it is still beautifully worded, I hope that makes sense.
Yo Rogue! Thanks for the review! :3
I see what you mean by choppy - I'll try to work on that for the edit.