While dying upon his own blood,
A plea is heard from Eurymachus to the king,
Who stares at those present in the hall ahead
With fury, ruthlessness, and growing disdain.
"O man who takes my life away,
I ask but one thing today.
You refuse not the wish of the fallen,
A just ruler in goodness calling.
You know my father is aged, old,
Of advanced years, and fearful, so bold
To lose his son and leave him unrolled.
Send me, then, in death to his side,
To my father's house,where he doth abide.
I die now, do not let, oh king,
My plea be forgotten.Well knowing
The evil I did and the harm I bringing.
Forgive me, I ask a final time."
Just like Aeneas, strong Roman brave,
Ice is his heart, no room to save
Space for mercy, remorse, or contrition,
Ulisses replies with a brief moral mission:
"Die, wicked man who caused me pain,
Each one has paid for his sin's domain.
The gods allow no injustice there,
In fate each one has their rightful share."
Eurymachus dies without knowing at last
If with his own he will breathe in the past.
In the world of Hades, the underworld waits,
In punishments operating its gates.
Each one pays for what they do,
Never think to flee anew;
Of the lot that falls to your name,
Either way you perish the same.
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141,411 Literary Works • 674,393 Reviews
It was nice to see how you show that Eurymachus understands that he has done something wrong, however, he makes his last attempt in order to be able to go back to his father. It helps to add some emotion to the death of this character due to the contrast between his desire to live and Ulisses' total lack of mercy towards him.
I really liked this line since it shows that this person believes that at least a fallen person should have some last wish made for him. In addition, the images related to his father help to make it sound more personal than just one more punishment for him.
The comparison of Ulisses with Aeneas is also interesting since it shows that he was a ruthless person and the answer he gave was on purpose. The use of the phrase:
helps to show that there is no place to run away from fate and the consequences of the things we do.
However, in several cases, the rhyme sounds too forced and is used not for the sake of its meaning, but in order to use it.
For instance, the rhyming pattern of ‘aged, old / Of advanced years, and fearful, so bold / To lose his son and leave him unrolled’ appeared to be unnatural. In particular, the use of the word ‘unrolled’ appears to be made solely for maintaining rhyming because of lack of its sense in relation to his father’s mourning over his death.
Overall, the poem looks good and shows the finality of the things that happened.
A good end to the story of Eurymachus, I especially liked the moral message of the last stanza. 😁
Heyyy! First of all, thank you for reacting to my poem!! Second, I think the rhymes must be from the translation...hehehe. Since I'm from Brazil, I wrote the poem in Portuguese, so I think that when I translated it into English, some of the rhymes must have lost their meaning, and some word combinations that make sense in my language might not make sense in English....
That’s totally understandable! It’s still a lovely poem!
Hello! I enjoyed this poem, which details a poetic retelling of a key scene from The Odyssey. You capture the essence of the story well, with Eurymachus on his deathbed begging Odysseus for a final mercy and Odysseus showing no pity. There is nothing I can suggest about improving the message of the poem, as it's really well done and it has made me want to read The Odyssey! So I will focus on some technical/grammar issues I spotted:
I noticed here that this is the only stanza where the lines aren't rhyming in your AABB rhyme scheme. I realised the title was not in English, so perhaps you translated it, and there was no way to make it rhyme? It just feels off compared to the rest!
Here, you have five lines in the stanza instead of four, so the rhyme scheme is AAABB instead of AABB like the others. Again, it just throws of the consistency of the poem!
Just a typo here; you forgot the space after the period/before well! You also said 'The evil I did and the harm I bringing.' but I think you mean the harm I bring.
Overall, a very good poem. Keep writing! <3
Soooo, since I'm from Brazil, I wrote the poem in Portuguese. I tried to translate it into English to make it easier to read for most people. I think the dissonance in the rhymes comes from that translation...lol
Ah I thought that would be it! Translation is very tricky so despite that it’s obviously still a brilliant poem!
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the mortifying S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Eurymachus pleads to die with his father and he gets that, but he may as well be tormented for all eternity from that very wish.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, you may.
Chocolate Bar - I like that in the poem, Eurymachus dies without knowing whether or not it’s from what he wanted or because he’s seen as evil, because either way, he still dies. I also like the theme of the poem in how death will end up coming for us all no matter what because nobody is immune.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a lovely poem. I have enjoyed reading this and if you ever decided to continue it, I will read more. But this is fine as its own work. And so now…
I wish you an amazing day/night! ^v^