Esse poema eu já postei em meu outro blog. Mas como gosto MUITO dele, resolvi colocar aqui para vocês!! Espero que gostem!
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Parte I
Ao amanhecer de mais um dia, quando Aurora
De dedos róseos já estende - se no céu,
Pega Ulisses seu arco e vai à frente
Daqueles pretendentes insolentes:
" Dai- me agora um homem forte corajoso
Que justifique as ações que, cruelmente,
Foram feitas tão friamente
Contra minha família, minha casa, minha gente."
Congelados ali permanecem
Os intrusos, indolentes convidados,
Perante o retorno daquele que ,uma vez morto,
Há muito a todos havia sido declarado.
Entre eles levanta- se Eurímaco,
Primeiro deles a selar seu destino,
Quando, com palavras, tenta persuadir
O herói grego com desculpas sem fim:
"Perdoe- nos, mestre senhor,
Foi Antínoo quem a briga começou.
Sendo bruto, sem classe, sem amor,
A todos com sua ofensa afrontou."
Ulisses, sob o olhar da deusa eterna,
A todos no ambiente perscrutou;
Cada um com seus interesses malignos,
Em nenhum deles acreditou.
Tesa o arco, ombros arqueados,
Para todos aponta a mira.
Desesperados, fugir não conseguem
Da ira divina de Ulisses Laerte.
Os fados não aceitam momentos
De remorso, consciência ou tristeza.
Com o destino do outro príncipe em mãos,
Ulisses a corda armada solta então.
Agudo sibilar se ouve agora,
De uma flecha que se dirige com rumo
Em meio ao mar de trevas invejosas
Dos pretendentes sem honra, sem prumo.
Donas da justiça divina estão-
São elas Fúrias que guiam a situação,
Presentes no momento, gerando confusão
Até verem Eurímaco flechado no chão.
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Hi Larejo, good to have you on the site! I put your poem into Google Translate to see what it was about, I wish I could understand it in the original language!
The poem certainly seemed timely with the new Odyssey movie coming out this year, there's been a lot of renewed buzz and interest I think about the subject! One definitely needs to have some working knowledge of the Odyssey to understand the poem, but I think most folks have at least heard about it in school!
As far as the content I think you hit a sweet spot with the length, you don't want to just re-tell the story as it already exists, but also want to add some beauty / poetic nature to it. I see you doing this in some of the imagery and emotion you're drawing out of the poem.
My favorite parts were...
Ah! lovely imagery of the hand stretched across the sky at dawn - it's an image of power, like they have the ability to even influence / hold the sky in a way.
In this part too...
You do a good job drawing out the moment - it'd be easy enough to just say "he looked at everyone and didn't believe them" but instead you draw out the moment with the language to add to the suspense, the reader can sort of feel him scrutinizing and watching. You do this at the end too.
I have to say one area of the poem that I think feels like a little more could be added to it would be the imagery of the arrow shot and maybe some of Ulisses' emotions during that moment too. Using a little metaphor for the arrow flying to its target I think could make the moment feel even more poetic.
Overall, a succinct retelling of a classic scene that I enjoyed reading! Thank you for sharing, keep on writing!
~ alliyah
Oh, thank you so much; I’m truly honored! I’m not very fluent in English, so I used a translator to express myself as best I could. I did see some comments about the film—I’m a big fan of Nolan, by the way—but there are a few points where I disagree with his take, especially regarding the lack of mysticism in the movie. I wrote my poem quite a while ago, basing it on a vision of an Odysseus who is ruthless, cold, and scarred by suffering. In fact, there’s a section in the second part of the poem—which I’ve yet to post—where I mention Aeneas from the *Aeneid*; to me, he exemplifies a cold heart and moralistic convictions. Anyway, I’m glad you liked it, and I hope to resolve that whole "arrow" issue someday... haha.
Oh cool to know a little more about your background! I am really looking forward to seeing it eventually - and yes, agree on your point about mysticism! If you post the next portion of the poem feel free to give me a tag, I would like to read it!
Hi Larejo!
Have you considered maybe translating your poems into English? This might reach a larger audience, and there are a lot of poets here who I bet would love to read your stuff if it were in a language they understood? :3
Especially since this is a poem you rly like!
Ohhh from the first mention of the suitors, I realized that Odysseus and Ulysses had to be the same person just different names. I love this story~
Tho I feel like the reasons for ~what~ the suitors did doesn’t really come across?
But the moment you switch to the action, with Ulysses releasing the bow, that’s where the poem really picks off! I rly like the way you mention the darkness the arrow flies through~
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Yeah, im thinking about that. But im not so fluent in english, and i have afraid if ,when i translate, the essence of the poem might get lost. But i can try..kkkkssk