-Remember When-
Remember when we first did meet,
our hearts rejoiced and skipped a beat.
Remember our first kiss goodnight,
the hug we shared in summer's light.
Remember when we walked the beach,
and all our dreams within our reach.
Remember how we used to be,
when I had you and you had me.
Remember when we used to talk,
when we held hands and took long walks.
Remember how we spent our days,
in warm sunshine and in the rain.
Remember when our one desire,
was take a chance and ignite the fire.
Remember the times that made our hearts melt,
and all of the passion and desire that we felt.
Remember when you looked at me,
and saw the one you love and need.
Remember when you reached for me,
and knew that we were meant to be.
Remember when our love was new.
Remember the day we both said, "I do."
Remember the day we started together.
Remember our love was always forever.
Remember the promise we made together,
to love and to cherish and to care for each other.
Remember the promise in good times and in bad,
and to make each one happy rather than sad.
Remember when you held our child,
and rocked the baby when I grew tired.
Remember the treasured times like these,
when love grew into family.
Remember when the world was bright,
when we would laugh and hold on tight.
Remember when our hearts were broken,
when times were tough and words unspoken.
Remember when we grieved our loss,
with parents gone and feeling lost.
Remember when our love endured,
the pains and heartaches of the world.
What happened to the life we shared?
What happened to a love so rare?
What happened to the kiss goodnight,
the warm embrace, the love at night?
Did it all just happen? How do we right the wrong?
I know that in my heart your arms I do belong.
Can we live our lives together just like it all began,
and can we hold and cherish each other and remember our love again?
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140,135 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hello! First of all, I wanted to say that this was such a lovely poem. You portrayed the emotions of the piece splendidly! Nice job!
~Nit-picky Flow Things~
"was take a chance and ignite the fire."
This one is very nit-picky, but the flow is kind of awkward here. I would delete "and" and replace it with a comma, but I wouldn't worry about this one to much.
"Remember the day we both said, "I do.""
I would remove "both" to help the flow.
"Did it all just happen? How do we right the wrong?
I know that in my heart your arms I do belong."
I would say, "I know in your arms is where I belong". This helps the flow and general rhythm of those two lines.
"and can we hold and cherish each other and remember our love again?"
This ending line is kind of long and doesn't really fit the rhythm of the previous lines in the stanza. Something to consider: it might be more impactful if you shortened it. I suggest, "Can we remember our love again?"
Of course, these are all my suggestions, and you don't have to do them if you don't want to.
Overall, I really enjoyed this piece! I liked the emotion in it, and I think you did an excellent job rhyming all those stanzas. Keep writing!
ella
Thanks! Honestly, since I've never actually had a boyfriend before, I'm surprised so many people even liked this!XD
This is beautiful, I'm clapping (on the inside, I'm at school, don't want to draw unwanted attention) and honestly feel depressed that I am a single pringle.
No worries, I'm single too!
This is so full of that feeling of love, you can really sense it in this piece. Have you did other pieces like this? I'm new here, but I'd definitely take some time to read the other ones if you do have some. Once again, this is a truly awesome piece.
I have a few other poems I made, and a work-in-progress story I'm making, but other than those, not really.XD
Wow! I really really enjoyed this! I'm terrible at poetry, so I don't know how much of a review this will actually be. I didn't stumble with the rhythm too much and anywhere I did I don't have suggestions on how to fix it because I am horrible with rhythm in poetry... XD
I liked the format, easy to follow. I liked the emotion you had in your poem, I could feel where you were coming from. Looking forward to reading more from you soon.
I know this wasn't very helpful, but I really did like it!
-Anne
That's ok, I approve of you review either way!XD And thank you! I can't wait for you to read more of my poems and stories.
np
This is my first review so please don’t review my review haha jk. I love poetry and I love the romantic genre. This poem was stunning! I loved the subtle transistion into the growth of this couple’s life. It reminded me of my divorced parents relationship with that twist at the end. I felt my heart sink as the one lover portrayed their longing for the relationship they had with their partner had before. In regards of certain spelling in your poem I was confused when you said “all our dreams withing our reach”. Did you mean within? Also just want to make sure you know that in the sixth paragraph when you said “Remember wen our love endured” instead of when. For the most part you had a nice word choice, although you rhymed bad and sad at one point which are basic, simple words. I know it sounds great to rhyme them but maybe you can say something like “Remember the promise we made through our struggles. That we should always search for a light no matter how dark our tunnel”. Instead of focusing on my crappy attempt to contribute full poetry sentences focus on the two rhyming words I used at the end of the sentences as an example of something that sounds better than bad and sad. Your poem had such a nice flow until the end. The very last paragraph doesn’t seem to fit in well with the rest of the poem. You used the word “and” too many times in the last two sentences which may have contributed to this awkwardness. Maybe you can separate that and say “ Can we hold and cherish each other? Please remember our love again”. Overall your poem was amazing! You truly have a gift for writing! Keep it up <3
Thank you for the review, and I will take your suggestions into consideration, for the extra and missing letter, I actually had just fixed that a few minutes ago, not sure if it didn't save, but thanks anyway, and I think I WILL review your review! Haha! JK!!! But thank you for the review, I appreciate it, and your suggestions for changing bad and sad and your version, I thought helped a lot. I honestly really liked your version! I thought it flowed better than what I put, I might change yours up just a small bit, but anyway, thank you so much for the review, I appreciate it!:) If you want, you can check out my other poems that I ave written!
Wow, Lake! This was beautiful and it really pulled at my heartstrings! Okay, I don't have much time, so I'm going to do my best. I love the way you did the stanzas again. It is just a perfect effect to add to this roller coaster of feelings the narrator is on. There were a couple of typos that I want to point out and one line that slightly confused me at first, but I know what you're trying to say.
I saw an extra letter in within in this line in the first stanza.
In stanza six, th word when is missing an h.
And finally:
I don't know if this is how you wanted the line, but I just wanted to say it seems kind of awkward in the poem. Like I said, I understand what you're saying, I just think that it can probably be rephrased.
Okay, thanks for reading this review, it's kind of messy as I'm in a rush, but I hope it was helpful.
~emolemon
It was really helpful, I hadn't even noticed that extra and missing letter! I promise I'll fix it now though! Thanks for the review, I'm really glad you liked it! I didn't want to keep writing only animal poems, so I decided to write something people can relate to! Have a fantastical day for me, cause I won't!!!!!!XD
Ok, there we go, I fixed it! And the "I know that in my heart your arms I do belong" part, I was trying to say that I know in my heart I belong in you arms, that sorta thing, I just didn't want tat one line to not rhyme with the line above it! Just so you know! And for anyone else who reads this too!
Okay! can you please try to have a fantastical day for me too?
Of course! I don't think it will work though! XD But I'll try!
@Flumadiddle @TheBlueCat @Lumi @Danni88 @269609 @CocoaCat @Rydia @Iggy @Omnom @EternalRain @snowmonkey9 @sheytato @emolemon @woahhitherepal @WhosabellCanWrite @saentiel @VegasLights @MJTucker @AnneTaylor @KatjaDawn @KatieC @SqueakieSilverShadow @Begstita1
I hope you guys like it just as much as I do, I wanted to try something different, so enjoy!