am i imagining the cracks between your fingers
or are they really there, waiting for me to hold them
tight, till i squeeze them numb?
am i imagining the way you breathe when you're asleep
or do you really snore like that, cheek pressed to my chest
hard, till i push you away?
am i imagining the soft waves that beat the shore
or do they really make that noise,
when no on is listening?
am i even alive
or am i dead
watching the living?
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137,663 Literary Works • 672,057 Reviews
Hey there! I really like the tone of this. I get a sense of disjointed-ness on the narrators part. They seem to be struggling with love, an inner turmoil (depression, perhaps), and how the two of those things seem to tie in together in their life. I think the first two stanzas fit together the most. The latte two stanzas seem sort out disconnected from the rest of the poem, and I would've liked to have seen more transition from the narrator's thoughts on their lover to the world around them. Wonderful work, over all. This poem was very... poetic.
am i imagining the way you breathe when you're asleep
or do you really snore like that, cheek pressed to my chest
hard, till i push you away?
am i imagining the soft waves that beat the shore
or do they really make that noise,
when no on is listening?
am i even alive
or am i dead
watching the living?
-Great paragraphs! That have a ton of detail and i can clearly see the picture this story is painting in its readers mind. fabulous.
You have a amazing talent like alot of people. I saw your stories name and it pulled me in, so i decided to read it & found myself reviewing! Greaat job!
I don't fully know why, but I quite like this. I understand the title correlates with the poem and it's meaning of answers that many ponder, yet still know the answer to. I like how there isn't capital letters; I generally see people doing that as a is of simplicity and 'it should be obvious', even when the topic is a little deeper.
I think this is also a good piece because of how it leaves me wondering. I think in poems and lyrical work that if you aren't left with at least one question, then it hasn't served you properly. It would've told too much information and lost what made it interesting.
My only low point about this would be your use of the word 'till'. Personally, I would've used 'until' because it would sound better when read aloud, and I think it makes it run smoother. It's your choice though, but that's what I would've personally done.
Otherwise, though, I think this is a really good piece. Keep writing.