Cover art for Agents of Time. Chapter Five. A royal castle

Agents of Time. Chapter Five. A royal castle

by LadyMysterio

Published February 26, 2026

12+

In AGENTS OF TIME

Fresh air blasted Verena in the face, the scent of the sea carried over fields. Her breath caught in her throat. The world wobbled as she took a knee. Soft dirt riddled with rocks dug into her skin beneath her skirt. She took another breath and looked up. Windswept, rolling hills surrounded them from where they stood on a dirt road. In the distance, a small town and a castle perched on a hill, framed by a sky dotted with grey clouds. Another blast of wind whipped her hair across her face. She gripped her hat tighter.

In the distance, on a hill dotted with buildings, stood a castle, shining in the golden sunlight like a golden crown.

It was over. There was no going back.  

A warm hand gently gripped her shoulder. “You alright? Theres a car coming down the road. We should probably move.”

She stood, putting the hat on and carefully pinning it in place. Not that the curled and pinned bob really had much for it to hold on to. A car was rumbling down the road, the sound of its engine faded in and out with the wind, a dust cloud swirling behind it.

“That’s probably them.” She lifted a hand and waved as she stepped to the side of the road, James following with the suitcases.

“So, do we have a plan?” James lifted both hands and started waving.

“You take the driver. I’ll get the lady.” Verena said as the car slowed.

The driver peered out the window at James, who stood confidently in front of the car. “Can I help you, mate?” The chauffeur's words, tinted by a British accent.

“Yes! I was just wondering if-” James tapped the fender of the car as he walked to the window, then paused, looking down at the car's tire. “Oh, mate, something’s gone wrong with your tire here.”

“What?” the chauffeur frowned and stepped out of the car. Verena smiled politely at him as he tipped his hat in acknowledgment. Once he had his attention on the tire, crouched down on the ground with James. She slid into the backseat.

“What-excuse me?” the elegant woman exclaimed.

“Hello,” Verena said cheerily. “Pardon me.” She slipped a hand under the woman's collar and pinched a nerve. The lady, bless her heart, let out defiant sound at the audacity of being touched, before slumping over. Allowing Verena to drag the woman, who was now simply a bundle of silk and lace, out of the car.

“Did she have a purse?” James looked at the woman quizzically.

“Yes, there was some sort of pouch in the car. Check her pockets.”

“Pockets.” James sounded spherical.

Five minutes into a new time, and he was questioning her about pockets. “Yes, James, pockets! Her skirt will have pockets. You just have to find the hidden slits.” Verena started, examining the woman's skirt.

“Oh.” James bent down and started smoothing out the pleated fabric. “Sorry miss.” He said to the unconscious lady.

Verena frisked the other side. They found nothing much on her than a small flask of perfume, a fan and some papers. Lists and notes scrawled with elegant penmanship.

James dug a wallet out of the chauffeur's pockets, along with a driver’s license and a few important letters and documents.

While Verena did a last scan on both victims. Searching for anything bearing a special crest or insignia or hidden pockets. James attempted to start the car. After a few half-hearted sputters, it rumbled to life.

Verena finished her prodding and stood. They’d wake up in a few hours. The town was close enough to walk to, and with a few coins they could secure a roof over their heads. With no identification, they’d have no way to prove their identities. They’d have to send a letter back to the west and wait for a reply, which should take a few weeks. Enough time for them to accomplish the mission.

“Hey! Come on!” He yelled, just audible over the car's engine. Verena tipped the lady's hat over her eyes. No harm in it really.

She peered up at the sky as she walked to the car. What time was it? The sun had yet to reach the highest point in the sky, the clouds still shone white. Was it evening or morning? She tried to recall the sunsets or rises she’d seen over the years, but they all were simply a blurred backdrop in a scene set with more important things to notice.

Would her watch still be correct? She examined it. It’d since turned from its normal appearance, boxy and black, to a dainty silver watch. It showed a crisp. nine five. It’d adapted to the time zone change. But had it detected the time change. Verena slid into the middle of the seat behind James. They still drove on the left side of the road, even now. Or rather, the middle of the dirt road. Until another car came along.

 James’ hand rested on the gearshift, his other on the wheel as he slowly accelerated. Verena leaned forward, peering through the little open window to the front.

 “What is it?” James leaned towards her, eyes still on the unfamiliar road. 

“I'm trying to find out what time it is here.”

“Well,” James spoke over the engine. “Going by the mud and budding flowers. It’s probably early spring. They may not have switched to British summer yet, so it should just be the same as what we operate in, Greenwich mean time. So that gives us a time zone at least.”

“I doubt it’s the same time that we left the Agency, it’s far too light out. We’ll have to find a clock once we arrive.” Verena trailed off.

They spent the rest of the short ride in silence. Still taking in their new surroundings. A few minutes after hijacking the car, they passed through the village. Drawing curious stares as the car rumbled over the cobblestone streets. Verena adjusted her hat. The low brim cast a shadow on her face.

The houses grew closer and the streets steeper as they wound up the hill to where the castle stood. She leaned over to the window, trying to catch glimpses of it from between the buildings. They’d appeared with their backs to a castle, standing outside the entryway, a towering structure built of yellowed stone, towers and walls looking as if they continued to the sky.

“It’s huge.” She heard James exclaim.

“I believe it’s considered a small castle.” Verena said, sitting back in her seat. A lady wouldn’t gawk at a castle.

They reached the entrance, a tall, arched opening with small turrets on either side. Small windows carved into the stone, where archers had once perched. 

Wooden spikes peeked down from above. The portcullis had been pulled up. How often did they keep it raised? Had they just lifted it for her entrance? How much of a threat did the land face from outside forces? Or was it the town in the distance that the castle stood guard against? They’d been left in the dark about the current politics of the country.

 The car slowed as James drove it under an arch. An arch that marked the landing point of the drawbridge. The wheels rumbled over age old wood. She tried to not think about how old it could be. They entered into a small, empty courtyard, walled in on every side by the same sandstone brick. James brought the car to a stop.

“Well, I didn’t see another entrance, so I’m guessing this is it?” James pulled the car parallel to a pair of dark, large iron and wood doors.

“Nobody's out here, I didn’t even see any guards on the way in.”

James turned to face her. “We could knock? Maybe?”

“Maybe the letters said something.” Verena started to open the lady's case where shed stashed the letters and document One of the smaller pieces of luggage that’d been in the car opposed to stacked on the back.

“Lady Parker!” A shrill voice echoed through the courtyard.

“What the-” James tuned, scanning the courtyard.

A small figure was propelling itself at breakneck speed from another small doorway in the west wall.

A small boy.

“Well, that’s not what I expected.” Verena shut the glass window between herself and James.

James stepped out of the car, intercepting the boy as he approached.

 “Lady Park-” The boy reached them, huffing between his words. “Mr.” He gave a shaky bow toward the car. “We didn’t expect you until later!”

“Yes, well, you know…time. Funny, isn’t it? What's your name?”

“It’s Sam.” The boy paused and glanced at the door. “Well, aren’t you going to let her out?”

“Oh, shoot-yes. obviously.” James opened the car door, offering Verena a hand as she stepped out.

Sam gave a bow again as the main doors to the castle opened and a stout figure marched confidently, if not a bit anxiously, towards them.

“Your Ladyship!” The new figure, a man in a neatly kept suit and combed brown hair, reached them, pulling the boy behind him, and giving a tightly postured bow. “My sincerest apologies, your ladyship. I am Mr. Daran, the butler of Belacruv Castle.”

“Thank you, Mr. Daran.” Verena said, smiling. James pulled her purse and case, or rather the real Lady Parkers purse and case, from the car. He handed her the smaller of the two, keeping the case to himself as he waited.

“Of course, let me escort you to the castle. I regret to inform you that their majesties are currently engaged and will receive you as soon as they are able. They send their sincerest apologies and consider it a great shame they cannot receive you properly.” He ushered Verena towards the doors. “The footmen will be down momentarily to help you with the cases.” He spoke over his shoulder to James.

Verena gave James one last glance before turning her gaze back to the entrance. The boy had run off In front of them, holding his fiddler's cap to his head with one hand. Passing a pair of tall young men, dressed in stiff black and white old-fashioned suits. Of course, they were old-fashioned only to her. They politely nodded their heads to her as they passed.

“I’ve never received such an enthusiastic greeting before.” Technically, it was true. She’d been greeted plenty of ways, by not by a small boy with crooked teeth, full of childhood whimsy. 

“Enthusiastic, yes. Again, I do apologies. He simply meant to welcome you.”

“It’s alright. He’s a boy, a fast one at that.” Somewhere in her mind, she saw James reflected in that smile. His eyes sparkled with optimism. When had they begun to dull?

They passed through the double doors. But instead of taking them into the castle, it brought them into a secondary, large courtyard. She looked up. No porticos here. Just a re-enforced pair of doors.

The crunch of gravel under her shoes brought her gaze back down. A long courtyard opened in front of her. A wide, winding gravel path wove its way in a loop among the grassy grounds. All of which surrounded the castle. At the end of it all stood a fat, round, and short tower.  

But more importantly, a few meters in front of her stood a line of staff. Maids dressed in black and white aprons, little caps pinned over their unswept hair.

A tall woman in a black dress adorned with a snug collar of frills joined the butler as he waved a hand towards the maids. “These are the maids, and the housekeeper, Miss. Marin.” He turned his gaze to the woman who’d joined them,

Miss Marin gave a curtsy. “Your Ladyship.” The maids followed suit. Bobbing like frilly fishing lures.

Verena gave a polite nod in response. The butler peered behind her. “If you’ll excuse me, I should be seeing to the footmen and the chauffeur you’ve brought. Miss Marin, if you will.” He said, nodding to both women.

“If you’ll come with me, milady, I’ll show you your quarters.” She turned, heading towards a pair of tall, dark wood doors re-enforced with iron strips and bolts. The maids disappeared behind her.

When Verena peeked over her shoulder, caught sight of a frilly cap disappearing around the castle wall further in the yard. The servants' entrance must be accessed somewhere through there. Which meant there was also a separate access road for goods and supplies to be delivered.

As soon as she set foot inside the doorway, the air thickened, swallowing the noise. Her heels tapped on the soft carpet, covered in a large, ornate design full of swirls and motifs. A short walk out of the entrance hall led them into another square room, this one with a set of stairs winding up one side, guarded by sturdy thick wood rails, encompassing the large chandelier that hung from the raised coffered ceiling. 

Down a narrow hall, notably with several long carpets set back-to-back in one continuous line. Windows lined the left wall, giving her a view out to the courtyard in the middle of the castle. Which meant they were walking down a hall in the right wing on the first floor from the ground.

The housekeeper stopped at a door, sorting through her large ring of keys, searching for the correct one.

“You certainly possess a lot of keys, Miss Marin.” She said. The housekeeper must have access to the whole house. How much trust did the royal family place in her?

“Well, there are certainly a lot of doors in the house!” The housekeeper chuckled. Finding the key she was looking for, she tested it in the lock, then handed it to Verena. “That is yours. If you lose it, let me know. I have a spare for emergencies.”

So, she had access to the room herself.

Verena filed the information away in her mind as she took the key. “Thank you.” 

“Dinner is at eight, Ana- the maid assignment to you will be along with the footmen and your luggage.” The housekeeper smiled and left her to explore the space on her own.

Verena let her gaze wander around the room before she slowly walked about it.

Sandstone walls framed the space on every side, a doorway leading to another room on the right. Windows draped with gauzy red curtains framed a picture view of the rolling hills beyond the castle. In-between the windows was a desk, set out with whatever one would need to write correspondence, including an expensive-looking fountain pen set in its stand. She plucked it up and examined its metal tip, pressing it to her finger until black ink bled out. It seemed new enough, not that her knowledge of fountain pens was particularly extensive. And, most importantly, a clock, sit on the desk. Ticking away contentedly as it displayed a crisp six thirty o'clock. Well, it defiantly wasn’t six am. Which meant she had an hour and a half until she had to be back in her room before dinner.

A large four-poster bed, complete with pale yellow sheets and cover, set on a wall perpendicular to the window wall. A bedside table of matching wood with a quaint lamp stood on it, finishing the picture.

Crossing the room from the bed, she opened the wardrobe, a small wardrobe for what a lady should have. Or was this normal? She rubbed the bridge of her nose. It was an entirely different world here. She would manage. Even if she looked a fool of a lady, she shouldn’t be here long.

Get in, get it done. Go home.

The creak of the floorboards, followed by the opening of her door, told her that the maid had arrived. Verena closed the wardrobe and turned.

“Milady,” the woman curtsied, dipping her white-capped head. She walked over to Verena, tilting her head to look up at her. Her smile was bright as she rose and clasped her hands, green eyes framed by dark blond hair. “I’m Ana. I’ll be serving you. Are you finding everything to your satisfaction?”

No, I’m far from home, and I feel like an incompetent child cast in a strange play.

Verena nodded.” Yes.”

“I’ll start unpacking your suitcases then. Did you know what you wanted to wear for dinner?”

She had to change for dinner?

“No. I cannot quite recall everything that was packed.” Verena looked at the suitcases. She did remember, but having the maid suggest something would mean she’d have a better chance of wearing something appropriate for dinner.

“Well, let’s refresh your memory then.” The maid carried one case and set it on a low, long bench at the end of the bed and started gently pulling garments from it. Verena wandered closer. Feigning interest to keep an eye on the false bottom, where she’d hid the mission files.

Finally, they ended up with most of it in the wardrobe, along with a few dresses Anna insisted on taking to be pressed. They agreed on a dress for dinner. It was a pale blue silk dress with dark blue beaded details that swooped into a low back, finished with a halter top fashioned with a tie around the neck.

A dress that seemed far too extravagant for dinner, but that Ana deemed perfectly wearable for her first evening in the castle. With that, she once again left, arms piled with carefully folded dresses, saying she’d be back before dinner to dress her.

An hour and a half… what to do with that? Well, she should get her bearings. Knowing her way would make it easier to sneak around. Did they send her with any gear? There would be no way to charge anything or send anything. She locked her door and put the suitcase on the bed, prying open the false bottom.

The file envelopes contained nothing of use, aside from information. Not even a bug or two? She shook them out. Still nothing. It really would be old fashion spy work then. She packed it all away again and stepped out into the hall, locking the door behind her.

 

Making her way in the opposite direction of the stairs, which only wound up being a hall of doors, all of which appeared to be other guests' rooms, the furniture draped in heavy cloth to protect it from dust until it had a use. A few locked, she didn’t test the handle further, someone could be inside. A door in the wall ended the corridor. She peered out the window next to her in the hall. The castle walls still seemed to continue further out. It had to be larger than the other rooms along the hall.

Verena reached for the handle, intending to twist it, when a portrait on the wall caught her attention. 

It was simple, painted like any other portrait of a noblewoman. It framed her from just below her knees to just above her head. Dressed in a rose-coloured gown and sitting in a chair, her body turned slightly away from the view as if she’d just turned to look at you. She smiled pleasantly, if not a bit sadly. Her hair braided and pinned up on her head, her hands folded. Modest and behaved. 

A gold plate scribed in a swirling hand titled the piece: Her Highness, Crown Princess, Of Belacruv, Cordelia on her 17th birthday.

Princess Cordelia, the now Queen of the country. The Queens whose son was probably set to sit on the throne. They must have painted this before she married. She lifted her hand from the handle and pressed her ear to the door, listening. If this portrait were set outside this door, could it be the Queen and King's chambers?

The door held no answers, no voices were heard through it, no footsteps gave away anyone’s presence within. Maybe they were busy elsewhere. Or her suspicions were wrong. The butler had said they couldn’t receive them, which either meant they weren’t on the premisses, or they were in another part of the estate. Either way, being placed on the same floor as the royal family would be convenient. She wouldn’t have far to go as a lady-in-waiting. 

Movement out the window across from the portrait caught her eye. A few men were making their way down the gravel path that ran along the leg of the castle opposite. Two in matching black suits, and one in blue. A hat in his hands.

James.

The footmen must be showing him around. Staff entrances, there must be dozen of secret passages to navigate to different parts of the castle unseen. If she could get James to find them and memorize the entrances and exits, she could add them into the mental floorplan she was building in her head.

 Verena tapped on the windowsill, a plan forming. You couldn’t fault a woman for wanting to stroll in the evening sun after a long journey stuck in a car.

Verena returned to her room to grab a hat. According to what she had read and what she had arrived in. Everyone wore hats outside. If she wanted to blend in, she needed a hat. It was just a part of an outfit, as one may consider shoes. As she passed the mirror, she paused. Should she change? The simple but elegant shirt and skirt she’d travelled in were comfortable enough for a walk, but as a lady, should she change?

No, it was suitable enough. Any mistakes she made could just be brushed off as a slight change in culture. That or she could play the part of an anxious young noblewoman who’d never traveled far from home. She was supposed to be coming from the northern part of the isles.

Leaving the hat ribbons untied, she retraced her steps back to the main entrance hall, the only other inhabitant a fly buzzing around.

By the time she entered the courtyard, it was empty. She hastened her steps and followed the gravel path she’d seen them walk along.

As she neared the tower at the end of the castle, surrounded by green grass and sandstone walls. She found an arched entryway in the wall, leading through to another courtyard, this one smaller and less manicured than the main one. A few sheds, along with a small two-story stone building, filled the space. Enclosed by its own wall, and a large gate with two stiles, barring a wheel-well ridden road. A working courtyard.

This must be the servants' yard. The back where all the deliveries were made and the carriages and cars were kept. Could they be showing James the cars? Nothing was visible in the yard, so it was likely they were kept in one of the closed, large sheds.

Stepping out of view of the entryway, she considered her next steps. She needed a reason to enter and approach. It was unlikely someone of her status simply walked into the servants' yard without a good reason. She could state that she wanted to go on an outing tomorrow. Maybe to the town? Not a poor excuse. Realistically, it’d be something she’d probably have a maid sent off for. If only they’d come back out here.

Gravel crunched, and she looked up. Ana was heading towards her. Fast.

“Ana?” Verena stepped away from the wall.

“Milady, there you are!”

She’d only been outside for a few minutes, Ana would of have, what, twenty at the most since she left. Was it time to get ready for dinner already?

“Yes, I wanted to stretch my legs after the journey.” Verena said.

“Of course. However, their Majesties would like to greet you and your chauffeur. You’ll be introduced to the other ladies in the study after as well.”

“I see.” It seems she would have a chance to see James after all.

“If you like to head inside, milady, I will summon the chauffeur and then attend to you.”

Would it be improper for her to get James herself? “Actually. I’ll speak to Mr. Rodsworth myself. I had a question for him, anyway.” Verena tested the subject.

Ana didn’t seem stunned in the slightest. She was concerningly good at hiding her true feelings. “Of course, milady. If you’ll have him wait in the main hall, please. I’ll see you in your room shortly.” And with that she gave a nod of her head, turned on her heel and hastily set off to the mansion.

Does she always walk that fast?

With an excuse now in hand, Verena entered the servants' yard, making her way towards the sheds, listening for voices within. 

The door of the furthest shed opened, James emerged, followed by one of the footmen, who noticed Verena immediately and paused. Waiting for her to reach them before he bowed and introduced himself. The other never emerged from the shed. Then again, maybe he’d never entered it.

James followed suit, raising his brows slightly in question to Verena’s surprise appearance.

“Mr. Tompson at your service, milady. I’m the second footman. What brings you back here?” The footman said, his smile causing his eyes to squint. Or perhaps he was just sensitive to the sun as it lowered in the sky.

Verena waved a hand at James. “I’m here to fetch my chauffeur, or well, I suppose he’s part of the staff here now. Regardless, we’ve been called by their majesties.”

James’s eyebrows rose further, which he immediately relaxed as the footmen looked at him before answering Verena. “Of course, milady, I was just giving him a tour of the cars. Good day.” He gave them both a nod and turned, stepping away.

“Their majesties? You mean the King and Queen?” James kept his voice low as he fell in step behind her.

“No, I mean the Queen of England as we know it. Yes, I mean the King and Queen. My maid, Ana, just informed me. You're supposed to wait in the main hall.”

James put his cap on his head, smoothing his hair behind his ears. “In the castle? That I can do.”

“If you ever need to see me, I’m staying up there.” Verena nodded her head towards the wall on the far side of the yard as they entered back into the main courtyard. “Second floor, 10th door down. I believe I may be staying just down the hall from the royal's main quarters as well.”

“That makes sense,” James nodded, glancing quickly at the castle wall.” Did you see the stone cottage back in the yard there?”

Verena nodded, recalling the structure. “Yes, what of it?”

“That’s where I’ll be. The chauffeur's cottage, as it was so quaintly called. Just for me,” James smiled widely.

“Wow, a complete cottage named after you. Don’t get too cocky now.”

“Me? Never!”

Reaching the doors back into the castle, she clasped his arm, stopping him in the shadow of the doorway. “I need you to find as many staff entrances and exits as you can.”

“Secret passages? Sounds fun. I’ll see what I can find for you,” James said.

  “Good, I’ll be right back. “Verena left James at the foot of the stairs. Mapping out the castle would have to wait. She had a monarch to prepare for.

Comments & reviews · 4
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LadyMysterio
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Stickied · LadyMysterio commented Comment · Sep 27

Just a note to myself and future reviewers-
As of Today Sept 27th, 2026 this chapter has been updated and changed

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Tikaya
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Tikaya wrote a review Review · Aug 1

An eggcellently good day to you! I have come here for Team Egg so let’s see what you have for us now!

I wanted to do more GR work but now I have decided screw it: let’s catch up on AoT for a bit.

Well I do hope there is SOME going back eventually xD

It was over. There was no going back.


Oh my they really just appeared somewhere…. Where anyone could have seen them. Ooops.

Hmmm suspicious… they were all expecting them. If they both were the first successful time travels, then who prepared these? Or is this a closed timeloop and after they were successful, a different team went in even earlier to set up their arrival?

Must be the footmen on their way to aid James
That feels very redundant after you just had them mentioned. You could do this in narration, Verena going “two men who she presumed to be the aforementioned footmen” or smthing.

Love how Verena analyses the situation down to knowing her own room is not secure, given the house keeper has a spare key!

Very clever of Verena to have the maid pick her outfit too. And finding a way to make her do it while still sounding like a lady: Ofc I didn’t quite bother to learn what has been packed for me~

Yes yes, fake it till you make it Verena:
So long as she had the confidence of a noblewoman, she’d be fine.
Very good!

Hmmm another very peculiar thing: you have Verena head out with no idea how to meet up with James and then a convenient thing falls out of the sky to facilitate this. I wish Verena would do more herself in setting this up, would make her look more competent.

Aww the last dialogue between Verena and James really made me smile. That was cute :3
I just think they are being very blasé right now. If anyone would have seen or even overheard them atm that would not look good :3

#TrustTheEgg

LadyMysterio replied · Aug 1

Ayy a fellow team egg! Hello! And thank you!
All good good notes. Most of this stuff has come up before in other reviews which is fantastic!! It means its something i really need to clear up.

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Messenger
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Messenger wrote a review Review · Mar 4

Im heeeeeeeere

They’d appeared with their backs to a castle, standing outside the entryway, a towering structure build of yellowed stoned, towers and walls brough to extreme heights by the fact that it was all build onto a hill.

“Its huge.” James took his cap off.

“I believe it’s considered a small castle.” Verena turned away, taking in the rest of her surroundings.

That first line is kind of a mess to get through. First we're in the pov of Verena, then we go to plural, but "standing outside the entryway" makes it sound like it's the towering structure built of yellowed stone that's doing the standing. Perhaps rephrasing to "they'd teleported with their backs to the entrance of their destination, a towering structure built of yellowed stone, accentuated by towers and walls looming above them upon a hill that only added to the grandeur".
But then also, most castles actually are pretty small? So if Verena is saying it's a small castle it probably is. And James has probably seen grander ballrooms and embassies yes? So the character of an actual castle might throw him off, but im not sure the size would unless it's very big, in which case Verena wouldnt make that comment.

They stood on a cobblestoned road, halfway between what she guessed was a gatehouse and the castles entrance. Surrounded by gently rolling hills of green grass. Off in the distance rose a town, brown roofs and sandstone walls framed by a blue sky.

So are they in an atrium? Because between the guardhouse and entrance is confusing since you just said theyre standing before the entrance. Wouldn't the guardhouse be the entrance?
Also, using "rose" for a town that is presumably down in elevation compared to them in the castle feels a bit off to me. Maybe something like sat or rested works better and fits the vibe?

It seemed that the closet qualifier for a mountain in this area, was they hill they stood on.

“Lady Parker!” A shrill voice echoed through the valleys.

I already caught a few periods in places they dont belong in the quotes above, but this has two typos "closet" and "they" so I'll just.make my grammar note here. Also, valleys feels like an odd choice when you just said the higgest point was a hill. Can't really have valleys if you dont have plateaus or mountains.

The boy had run off Infront of them, holding his fiddler's cap to his head with one hand. Passing a pair of tall young men, dressed in stiff black and white old-fashioned suits. Of course, they were old-fashioned onlyto her. They politely nodded their heads to her as they passed.

Must be the footmen on their way to aid James

Okay okay one more grammar note, but it still counts because its different. You have two bunches of words missing spacing.
Secondly, that thought bubble feels really unnecessary. Daran just said there would be staff to help, and Verena and your readers can easily put the 2 things together when they run by.


They reached the entrance, a tall, arched opening with small turrets on either side. Small windows carved into the stone, where archers perched.

Wait, are there currently archers stationed? Even for 1920 that feels pretty outdated.

Well, there are certainly a lot of doors in the house!” The housekeeper chuckled. Finding the key she was looking for, she tested it in the lock, then handed it to Verena. “That is yours. If you lose it, let me know. I have a spare for emergencies.”

Lolll

No. I’m far from home, and I feel like an incompetent child cast in a strange play.

Verena nodded.” Yes.”

“I’ll start unpacking your suitcases then. Did you know what you wanted to wear for dinner?”

She had to change for dinner?

“No, I cannot quite recall everything’s

I really like all of this. Seeing Verena out of her element and just the acknowledgement that going back 120 years would have anyone a bit confused and unsure of societal customs. Also, you have this hierarchy immediately of maids then ladies then queens then kings.

Well, sounds like she had some time to explore and scout out the castle then.

For being in a pov where we get Verena's thoughts, lines like this really pull us waaay out and feel super distant. Not only that, but we miss the opportunity to see how little Verena cares for decorum vs mission if we show how hasty she is in discerning this through glancing at a clock or asking the maid to make sure her schedule is clear.

Does she always walk that fast?
[/quote]
Ana is me. I am Ana

There is definitely still a lot of grammar and syntax to clean up, but I think this moved a lot swifter and more intentionally than last draft? We'll see how it goes hopping back into James POV. I do think what's missing is a clear cut goal though. What is EXACTLY the mission and the order in which it should be done according to Verena/the Director? It doesn't have to be at the core of every moment, but I feel like o don't know what I should and shouldn't be paying attention to, which doesn't feel exactly right considering we're in a close pov of Verena.

~Messy

LadyMysterio replied · Mar 5

Hii thanks for the review!!
Oh boy, yeah that beginning description of the castle but was tricky to write. I have an actual castle I'm referencing this all off of. So good to know it didnt read very well lol.
ugh and the archers comment was supped to be referencing where they would have perched in the PAST. How'd i get that wrong???

And yes, yes thank you for the spelling/grammer stuff.XD
I'm glad you picked up on the whole " verena being out of her element thing" im trying to show that, so cool cool. Also yes, that note about decorum vrs the mission. That's a good point. If you don't mind expanding on that I don't quite understand your meaning enough to implement it?

I mean, it is supposed to feel a bit, weird and lost, especially since their like thrown into this time period where there's all these rules and "proper ways" so things have to be done in a certain order or whatever.
But obviously i do want to keep the mission in mind, especially from Verena's pov because it is like her "okay lock in mission time" Mindset rn(Obviously being messed with cuz of ~ooh time travel~

Messenger replied · Mar 6

Verena feels very goal-oriented. I do A and then B and C which gets me to my goal of D. So yes she is learning the decorum, but she's doing that so it goes smoothly so that she doesn't attract suspicion and can get through it quickly. But what is she trying to get through it for? What is her first goal? Meeting the heir? Getting blueprints of the building? Installing recording or video surveillance?

The archer thing i thought meant it was a sign of bygone eras, but maybe a note lf how funny it is that even in 1920 that feels like ancient history but to her 1920 feels ancient

creeperfeverdreams wrote a review Review · Mar 4

Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the jinxed S’more?

Top Graham Cracker - Verena and James are teleported to the 1920s and as soon as they are sent there, they must go by their mission, no matter how frazzled they (mostly Verena) may feel!

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Aside from minor grammar mistakes, I have no recommendations to make as of right now.

Chocolate Bar - I love how you described the way that Verena is worried about how she’ll act as a Lady, because she wants to be as formal as she can be and not arose suspicion. How she takes note of the way Ana and Marin act is something I like too, because she is paying attention to every little detail! I’d rate this chapter a 5.

Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a wonderful chapter on how hard it is to play a part and yet how vital it is for Verena to do so. I’m at a 7 for my level of excitement for the next chapter and so…

I wish you a fantastical day/night! ^v^



I can factcheck ur flashback outfits
— SirenCymbaline