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Understanding Flora Greenway

by LadyAstella


***WARNING THIS SHORT STORY IS QUITE WEIRD AND MAY BE HARD TO FOLLOW, THIS IS A HOMEMADE MAD LIBS I MADE.*** VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

Flora Greenway was thinking about Toby Ramsbottom again. Toby was a proud queen with grubby fingers and ugly toenails.

Flora walked over to the window and reflected on her chilly surroundings. She had always loved cosy Madrid with its thirsty, thundering tunnels. It was a place that encouraged her tendency to feel relaxed.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a proud figure of Toby Ramsbottom.

Flora gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was an understanding, peculiar, wine drinker with feathery fingers and sloppy toenails. Her friends saw her as a plastic, poised patient. Once, she had even rescued a damaged owl from a burning building.

But not even an understanding person who had once rescued a damaged owl from a burning building, was prepared for what Toby had in store today.

The hail pounded like sitting cats, making Flora afraid. Flora grabbed a giant sausage that had been strewn nearby; she massaged it with her fingers.

As Flora stepped outside and Toby came closer, she could see the repulsive glint in his eye.

"I am here because I want a wifi code," Toby bellowed, in a spiteful tone. He slammed his fist against Flora's chest, with the force of 6718 aardvarks. "I frigging love you, Flora Greenway."

Flora looked back, even more afraid and still fingering the giant sausage. "Toby, oh my God they killed Kenny," she replied.

They looked at each other with sleepy feelings, like two bad, burnt blue bottles cooking at a very energetic snow storm, which had reggae music playing in the background and two intuitive uncles smiling to the beat.

Suddenly, Toby lunged forward and tried to punch Flora in the face. Quickly, Flora grabbed the giant sausage and brought it down on Toby's skull.

Toby's grubby fingers trembled and his ugly toenails wobbled. He looked happy, his body raw like a bad, brainy book.

Then he let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Toby Ramsbottom was dead.

Flora Greenway went back inside and made herself a nice glass of wine.

THE END 


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20 Reviews


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Sun Sep 16, 2018 3:24 pm
thedevinhiggins wrote a review...



Hello!

I love the Mad Libs-style layout and how it gave a certain uniqueness to the story! It was funny, weird, and dark all at the same time!

Like, how???

There is an excessive amount of adjectives, like EternalRain said, and the dialogue is a bit choppy, but overall, this is great!

My favorite part about this story is, as I mentioned before, the uniqueness! I have never seen anything like this, and you make it work! Usually when I play Mad Libs, the stories come out absolutely jibberish, but yours actually has a dynamic plot! And I love the randomness of the giant sausage and the ugly toenails. It just gives it that sense of eccentricity!

Anyway, I think that's it.

Keep writing, please!




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Thu Sep 13, 2018 4:54 am
EternalRain wrote a review...



Hey there!

Okay, I'm not quite sure how to review this just because it seems like it was more of a story for fun. Even so, it's posted so I'm going to review it as a story but still keep in mind that it was mad-libs esque.

As I read throughout this short little story, it was a bit obvious to me about the "mad libs" style. I think it's a really creative approach, but the crazy amount of adjectives was what kind of broke it for me. The randomness didn't bother me too much (I think that actually made the story more fun and unique) but the adjectives just detail I didn't /really/ need (or if it was detail, it was just given to me in an adjective rather than a sentence - which I understand because of the mad-libs, but it doesn't have the same strength of writing it may have otherwise).

Flora looked back, even more afraid and still fingering the giant sausage. "Toby, oh my God they killed Kenny," she replied.


Not quite sure what this is/means? There's no context for who Kenny is or who "they" are. I wonder if it's even needed?

Then he let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Toby Ramsbottom was dead.

Flora Greenway went back inside and made herself a nice glass of wine.


This ending was probably my favorite part. Although abrupt and a bit unexpected after Toby the queen professing his love for her, it was a nice touch and Flora just going back inside and pouring herself a glass of wine. Killing him with a sausage was pretty hilarious, haha.

I think those are all my thoughts! I really thought this was a creative way to write a story (did you actually have blanks and ask people for adjectives/nouns to fill them in or did you do it all yourself?) and it was really fun, too. The ending was my favorite - I like how we were presented with a comedy and something light-hearted and she ends up killing him!

~EternalRain





I am always saying "Glad to've met you" to somebody I'm not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though.
— Holden Caulfield