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crushed

by LJF


It’s when you feel
Annoyed
By
His actions
And realize
He’s flawed
Too

It’s when you realize
That for all
That you know about him
And all
You have
In common
You don’t have a clue
What he wants
Out of life
Or his plans for the future
You
Don’t know
If they match yours
At all

It’s when you know
That you could
Spend hours
Talking
To him
About everything and anything and nothing at all
But
You have no real desire
To do so

It’s when you finally
Understand
That
If you really
Took the chance
To dig deeper
And get to know him
He might be everything you ever dreamed of
But you don’t care
Enough to bother
Unless it’s someone you know feels the same

It’s when you see him
And your heart doesn’t pound
And your cheeks don’t flush
And your breath doesn’t catch
And the one you couldn’t stop thinking about
Becomes
Just another face
In the crowd

It’s the moment
Your crush
Is crushed


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17 Reviews


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Sun Sep 29, 2019 7:46 pm
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mthanmark263 says...



Hi it is mthanmark263 here and can I just say I love your poem so much it is so true and interesting to read. First of all the beginning starts off sweet and going crazy over your crush then at the end you like do not find them interesting. What you were feeling just vanished. I think I should make this poem my wallpaper because all that you wrote happens to me. Another thing is it is sweet and has short lines, love the way the words rhyme so much.


There is a question I always ask writers that write poem where they get their inspiration so If I may ask where did you get yours from
Keep writing you really talented




LJF says...


@mthanmark263 Well, I dont write any poems that dont feel true. This particular one was basically my actual thought process as I was getting over my crush.



mthanmark263 says...


wow nice work



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Sun Sep 22, 2019 1:19 am
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sasha_bumble_bee wrote a review...



Hey, LJF!

Oh, how we all can relate... It is funny, isn't it, how you could be practically obsessed with a person for a while and then one day you look at them, and... they're just like anybody else.

I think that the italicized "crush" at the end of the poem is a little odd, and, although I don't know how it sounds in your mind, it doesn't really seem to make the line read a whole lot differently?

I think that that this line is the real gut-puncher of the poem, honestly:

"It’s when you finally
Understand
That
If you really
Took the chance
To dig deeper
And get to know him
He might be everything you ever dreamed of
But you don’t care
Enough to bother
Unless it’s someone you know feels the same"

I think that this is the strongest point, the idea that he MIGHT be ____, but you're not motivated enough to try hard unless you know he feels the same. It's really powerful, and I think that if you stick with that idea throughout the piece, you could make it longer, even.

Wonderful poem---I'd love to see more!
Yorrick




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Sat Sep 21, 2019 1:28 am
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alliyah wrote a review...



Hey LJF

I like the vulnerability of the piece, and although love and love-lost is a very typical poetic topic, there are so many different ways to tackle it, and I think you brought your own feelings and point of view to this one to make it distinct.

I think that the poem would be more striking with 2 major things added

1) specificity
First off I think this poem feels a tad generic, I assume that it's inspired by real events - but the poem almost reads as if it's referring to crushes "in theory" rather than crushes "in reality". If you add a few more specific and concrete details you'll be able to bring the reader into the story and speaker's mind a bit more.

Some of my favorite part of this poem was towards the end this stanza, "It’s when you see him
And your heart doesn’t pound
And your cheeks don’t flush
And your breath doesn’t catch
And the one you couldn’t stop thinking about
Becomes
Just another face
In the crowd" -- besides the dramatic line breaks I really feel like this is nicely phrased and brings a touch of concrete specificity to the piece.


2) change up those line breaks
I think the lines read as being really choppy which created an almost over-dramatic tone with so many lines just super short or just one-worders. I recommend really saving one-word lines for lines that are super important or where the meaning changes by having the word place alone. Because it really does distract the reader

it


would be almost


like


if

I put random words on their own lines while writing a review - we don't expect to read it, and the white space/disruption makes it sometimes difficult to follow the line of thought if it happens to many times.

Overall, it was an enjoyable read that I think readers will be able to connect to emotionally. You explore a common topic in some new ways, and I think dig a little deeper into when crushes fade - that I think can be appreciated against poems that are almost too optimistic about love at first sight and surface level feelings.

Good luck in your editing, and please keep on writing!

alliyah




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25 Reviews


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Tue Sep 17, 2019 5:21 am
LJF says...



So what I'm getting out all these reviews is that I kind of slacked off on the writing of this one. I think the problem is that a) I was kind of lazy and just wanted to write it down already, and b) most of my poems are about my FEELINGS. They're about my passions and my friends and my loneliness and the things that drive me. This poem was about the opposite about that. It's about complete and total apathy.
Incidentally, while I was still crushing on the person this poem is about, I wrote some pretty good poems about that, but before I could decide whether or not to share them with you guys, the drive they were saved on got wiped. (Very sad.) I could try to rewrite them, but I don't think I will. Those feelings just aren't there anymore, and any attempt to recreate them wouldn't have the same real emotion that I originally wrote them with.
My next poem, will, hopefully, be much better. It's will, I think, be about the first real heartbreak I had to face as an adult-- and whatever you think that means, you're probably wrong.
Wish me luck, and I hope you'll stick around for the ride!




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Mon Sep 16, 2019 9:55 pm
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Tuckster wrote a review...



Hey there LJF! I don't usually review poetry, but I figured I'd give it my best shot. That being said, let's get right into it!

I found this a very relatable poem. I've had a lot of times where I crushed on someone and made them who I wanted them to be instead of who they were, almost to the point where I was crushing on an ideal and not really a person, and I saw that portrayed in this piece. I think you also described the process of getting over a crush really well too—suddenly something that you once took so much notice of fades into the background, and for me that's always brought a sense of relief that I can move on with my life. But anyways, all that to say, I felt like I could connect and relate to this poem, which is a crucial part of poetry.

One thing that I thought you could do better was rhythm. For the majority of this poem, you had very short lines, sometimes even just one word long. However, there were a few lines that were much longer than normal, and that jolted me out of the rhythm that I slipped into while reading this. In a way, these almost read like song lyrics, and the quick pace worked well for you, especially as your stanzas crescendoed and built up. The longer lines were really jarring and didn't seem to fit with your poem.

The division of lines and stanzas also felt random, to a certain extent. There were areas where it was different from what I would have done, which is totally fine, but I had a hard time following the logic behind the divisions. I think revisiting this with more of an idea of the feel that you're looking to convey here—are you looking for something that's short and punchy, or something that's more long-winded?—and then adjusting your line and stanza divisions accordingly would go a long way.

As far as imagery goes, towards the end I think you improved quite a bit. The image of a racing heart and flushing cheeks appropriately conveyed the emotions that one feels when one sees one's crush, but that was lacking throughout the rest of the poem, so I think incorporating that throughout would also strengthen your poem.

Hopefully this review was helpful to you, and if you have any questions, just let me know and I'd be happy to let you know! I hope to read more from you in the future!

All my best,
Tuck




LJF says...


Thanks! Yeah, I haven't been writing too many poems lately, so i kind of slacked off on this one. Will try to do better with the next one.



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Mon Sep 16, 2019 8:46 pm
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niteowl wrote a review...



Hi there LJF! Niteowl here to review.

Overall, I find this a very relatable poem. I've had too many silly crushes in my time, and it's pretty awesome when you can look back and realize you're finally over that nonsense. The second to last stanza is my favorite because you can almost feel the speaker letting go of those old emotions.

That said, there's a couple things I'd like to address. First, the last stanza doesn't feel like it describes the poem. As neat as the wordplay is, a crush being crushed sounds like the opposite of the gradual fading away of feelings described in the rest of the poem. It also implies a rejection, which is contradicted by lines that suggest that you could talk to him and get to know him better (but you don't want to anymore). I think the previous stanza has a strong ending that fits in better with the rest of the poem, so I'd scrap the last stanza.

Secondly, I feel like this poem has a lot of arbitrarily short lines. There's no set rules for how long or short a line can be in a poem, but it's worth looking into how the line length affects the flow of the poem and how the ideas are read. I used to have very short lines in my poems, probably as a result of my large handwriting in smaller journals. Over time I learned that it's better to end lines on a strong word or idea than just wherever I decided a line looked too long.

Another thing that could make this poem even better is more specific imagery. What are these flaws that now annoy the speaker? What attracted her to him in the first place? What made her realize that she's over him? Poems become much more interesting when they get specific, when they use the senses to make the reader feel what the speaker feels.

Overall, I can relate to the emotions in this poem, but I'd love to see more specific imagery and stronger line breaks. Keep writing! :D




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Mon Sep 16, 2019 8:31 pm
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mthanmark263 wrote a review...



I really enjoyed this poem. I love that it has short lines and has that rhythm it says a lot of things and links with the title. Wow you really talented and good at what you do it like this poem was amazing because I didn't want it to end but the way it ended was great. How do you do this I have always wanted to ask someone who writes poems that how do they make it interesting.


If you had to give me a tip about writing a good poem what would it be? Oh how do like get this interesting ideas from




LJF says...


To write poems, you have to write them as if you're the only one who'll ever read them. Because good poems are vulnerable and REAL, and that's terrifying.
And I just write what I know. I don't think I've ever written a poem that wasn't at least about something that didn't feel genuine.
And as for my last bit of advice, one of my favorite poets of the past century, Charles Bukowski, put it best in his poem "so you want to be a writer?"
Listen to him read it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZN1Tw8XM1LY






mthanmark263 says...


thanks, at least when I am given an English assignment about poems i will be able to write one that is exciting



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Mon Sep 16, 2019 6:50 pm
LJF says...



@lemonboi @Ashley602338 @Danni88 @alliyah @KatjaDawn @WanderlustStardust @CateRose17 @Thisislegacy @DeerInBacPac @LakeOfCancer @leleparadise @emma1045 @emjaccrn @Radrook @StuckOnEarth
Sorry it's been a while, guys! I hope my hiatus wasn't too much of a <i>crushing</i> disappointment.





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