Young Writers Society

Hello there, KittyBee~

I will start with saying I grew fond of this poem back when I only read its description - it is pretty.. haunting, in a way, I could say.. almost ominous, and it took me a moment to figure what it means. I did figure it before reading the poem, though, and approached it as to a poem about a serious health problem.

It is often given nicknames, so to say, most often just Ana, and I like it how your MC gave it a new yet still not at all unrelated name. I liked the personification of the disease, and how easy it is to imagine "her" as a real person. Truly, correct me if I'm wrong (I can't know if this was written from experience or not, but honestly neither do I think it matters for this review), but it captures the way it whispers to character's ear, almost audible and its not really existing breath brushing against that never-good-enough skin of the MC, just amazingly.

This poem flows very nicely, and I must say I didn't even notice there was rhyming until I read it again, more analytically.. which I think is a good thing, it doesn't seem forced at all.

Really, I can't say I have anything bad to write about it.. it's quite simple, yet quite effective, especially the ending. I adore that it's dealing with a pretty heavy subject in an almost alarmingly simple and relatable way, I would love to see more of your writing now :3

Although this praise was completely not helpful because I didn't give any advices or mentioned anything to improve on, I have nothing more to say but keep writing, and I hope to see you around

Cheers,
Aria~

Phenomenal.

This was really really good.
You really captured the horrible feeling that comes with wanting something that hurts you. Anastasia is such a beautiful name, and anorexia (that is what this is about, right?) is such a horrible problem, and these extremes go so well together.
I actually didn't realize that this rhymed until I went back over it.
I don't really think that this poem needs to (or should) rhyme. Most of the rhymes were a little forced (others weren't and they were really good rhymes). For example,

remind me that I’m art.

Hello there KittyBee, Niraco here giving you a review on this lovely day we call 'Review Day'!

For me poems with underlining mental health issue I hold close. They hit me rather close to home - not because I suffer from the an illness but I know someone who does. So when I see poems like this I almost always end up chocking up a little.

my friends called her disease

And after every command I grew to follow

Her allure became a heavy cage

Hey KittyBee,
This poem is remarkable. I absolutely LOVE the ending. The entire thing is like you pulled a memory out of my head. Anastasia and I are friends as well. Message me, i can share some more work with you that i think you would like.

Wow. Um...I don't really know what to start with.

If I have to mention something that needs work, I'd probably go with the beginning. The rhythm was great, but some of the rhymes seem a bit forced. And the repetition of the word "weak" kind of took away from it. Anywho...

This piece just completely blew me away. The execution of it was simply AMAZING. It was poetic perfection at its finest. Powerful, deep, and meaningful. At first, I was thinking this "Anastasia" was either depression or a very bad, evil friend. Then came these lines:

.

And sank me in my swimming pool

.

And sat me down at parties

.

And made me anxious after dinner

.

And liked to keep me starving

.

That was the big reveal for me. While every other line before this hinted at something bigger and just...MORE...this really made the meaning behind Anastasia jump out.

The ending was stupendous. It tied the entire poem together in the most delightfully dark manner. Amazing job. Abso-positively-Amazing.

I'm very impressed with this poem, I love how you used short sentences to empathize the significance of each and every sentence. Making it much more dramatic and realistic, well, the poem is already realistic anyway.

This poem is probably one of the most psychologically powerful poem I have read in a very long time, the way that you described Anastasia almost makes me wonder whether if she is real, or whether if she is just a darker part of you.

I also like the inner dilemma presented in this poem...

'I called her Anastasia,

my friends called her disease,

but I fought as well I could to keep her

hugging at my knees.'

It makes it much more powerful and strong as a poem.

However, I will say I was not expecting the ending and it was my favourite part.

'And after every command I grew to follow,

She’d leave bruises on my thighs

That read

Anastasia Loves You

And she will

until you die'

Very interesting way to tie up the whole poem. Very nice. Well done!

-Rx

Hi KittyBee,

Well for starters, I really liked your piece.
The idea behind it, is wonderful.
The way you've executed the idea is powerful. Short sentences really help with sinking a feeling down to thereader. You've used that pretty well. With every sentence, one can very much feel it hitting them, so to say. I like that part about the piece the most.

I don't really have any nitpicks actually. It all worked for me.
So, I'll go with telling you the lines I really liked:
"remind me that I’m art"

and "And after every command I grew to follow,

She’d leave bruises on my thighs

That read

Anastasia Loves You

And she will

until you die."


Wishing you warmth and cheer over the holiday season.

Keep writing!
-Erin

Hello, KittyBee.

This poem almost made me cry, and I rarely cry while reading. I was touched by the whole poem and I was somewhat saddened by it. The lines that touched me the most were:

And after every command I grew to follow,

She’d leave bruises on my thighs

That read

Anastasia Loves You

And she will

until you die

this is truly amazing.

"And after every command I grew to follow,

She’d leave bruises on my thighs

That read

Anastasia Loves You

And she will

until you die"

this verse touched me the most, but this whole poem just captures the horrifying disease of anorexia, and how 'Anastasia' is extremely possessive and 'loves' you.
keep up the great work

This was a beautiful and complete poem about a girl named Anastasia. This poem had a nice flow to it with a mystery about it. I did like the unexpected turn at the end that was shocking and gave me chills. It made me believe that this "friend" was psychotic and obsessive. Anyhow you did a good job. You didn't have many mistakes.

This is absolutely beautiful! Really, I don't know what to say. The layout of your poem is so artistic; the verses seem to speak for themselves and twirl the sinews of our heart and mind constantly. The ending was fantastic! Dark, solemn and precise. I loved it! I can't pick out which bit affected me most, but I'd have to say it was this one:

I called her Anastasia,
my friends called her disease,
but I fought as well I could to keep her
hugging at my knees

Mental illness overtones always work. And this piece is fantastic.


'remind me that I’m art.' Great line.


The whole thing is one great big line.

I cannot fault this piece:
-the concept
-the execution
-the formatting
-the punctuation, spelling, grammar etc.
- the ending is fabulous

It's very dark and haunting and I loved it.

Write more like this.

I loved this piece of poetry, you have a lot of talent. Keep up the great work

Ok nice piece of poetry.
keep writing

ATB

This is such a beautiful poem and it really spoke to me. The grammar and layout of your poem is awesome and i don't really have anything to criticize except maybe it could be a little bit longer but this is just because i enjoyed reading it so much. You should be very proud of this piece of poetry. Very well done and i hope you continue making poems as excellent as this.
Well done,
AP