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Here again for chapter two!

but what stuck out most was a group called The Authority. A group of guys and girls who stalked and attacked lone students between classes they were the cause to why most formed their own groups at the Academy.

Okay, so I like this information about how society was at the Academy, but I wonder if you, again, can present it so it doesn't feel like an information dump. Is there way you might include a scene with the Authority before you include the scene in the previous chapter? To let the information naturally flow from the reader's observation? I mean, it's very well for her to reminisce, but if the Authority's going to be important later on, we might as well give them their due time. And if they're not going to be important, maybe find another way to describe the hostility of the old hallways and the way Lord Cross had befriended her!

Ooh, I like that you're giving us more information about Valaine, but do we need to learn the information twice, again?

On one hand Valaine wanted to explain herself to me why she had disappeared and left me lonely at Wicked Academy with those who called me their “friend” on the other hand it could be just what they said she wanted to do what she wanted even if I meant she was hurting a friend forwarding her own advances.

We know from what she says that she'll explain herself, and we know just generally that she could be lying, too. You don't have to explain all this. Let actions and dialogue tell the story for you!

I'll move on to the next chapter, now, but as always, PM or leave a reply if you have questions or comments about these thoughts and suggestions.

Hannah

Heyo, happy review day! Subtle here for a review. This actually took me about three tries to get through it because I will be blunt here, some of the descriptions in here are really boring and almost borders on info-dump. There is a lot of dialogue in here, except a lot of dialogue seems to be rambling conversations that doesn't contribute to the plot or characterize characters at all.

In fact, after reading it through two times. I've got a headache and I still don't quite know what is happening. I've read part one and the language in there was quite good, but for some reason it dropped in part two. And there is so much telling information in here I have to say it bores me about half the time. You could always try and read it out loud to yourself to see how it feels. Let me give you an example or two.

I remember the Academy halls you couldn’t walk a few feet without hearing insults, but what stuck out most was a group called The Authority. A group of guys and girls who stalked and attacked lone students between classes they were the cause to why most formed their own groups at the Academy. I remember when they came after me in my first year I fought them desperately trying to fend them off. They called themselves The Authority because if you lost you had a choice between working for them or be attacked by them every day until you finally decided to work for them.

That was a huge chunk of info dump. You basically dumped all that information on the Authority on us, is it really necessary to give all that backstory. You couldn't have just summed it up in three sentences or slipped the information into a situation where it would have been more interesting than reading facts off a page? Listen, readers are not going to read anything unless it catches their interest. And I can tell you, that if you just paste facts on. Is not going to happen. On top of that, you also have a very mechanical way of telling things. Like this happened, and that happened. Instead of using words like building blocks, building them one on top another. Try and use figurative language to show us what happens.

And also with Valaine and our MC, I am so confused about their relationship right now because I cannot for the life of me figure out what is going on. This whole part just seemed like the Senka complaining like a brat about why she had to leave Wicked and joined Hero. Which is frankly, rather annoying.

Alright, I'm going to read part three and see what happens. And if this rubs you the wrong way, feel free to contact me.

-S.s

Hello Avalon, Wolf here to return the favor!
I will be reviewing this as I read. I am very nit picky, so let's get started.

Being transported by Valaine’s magic was as I remembered it, the quick and sudden flash of light to somewhere else.

I think there should be a comma between 'was' and 'as'. Also, the sentence would sound better if 'the' was changed to 'a'.

The place was a dull grey but I barely noticed as my mind was still reeling with the news my parents had surrendered their powers for a chance for me to attend Hero League.

First off, there should be a comma between 'grey' and 'but'. Next, you have a strange word choice in this sentence. For example, 'reeling' doesn't sound quite right, maybe 'racing' would be better? Also there should be the word 'that' between 'news' and 'my'. And shouldn't there be a 'the' before 'Hero League'?

...chance to attend what I for a long time considered a long time to be my enemy’s school.

I think the should be commas blocking off 'attend what I for a long time considered a long time to be'.

Until she said “You may go in and see Mr Roothwell now” she said.

First, since this is new dialogue it should start it's own paragraph. Second, there should be a comma between the dialogue and the tag.

“Telepathic” I instantly thought

Usually thoughts are italicized, but that might just be a personal preference.

Hard chisseled chin, strong jaw line, and a no nonsense stare.

Sentence fragment! Maybe add, 'he had a', and chiseled should only have one 's'.

I cursed under my breath then soon felt my father’s strong hand on my shoulder.

Comma between 'breath' and 'then'.

I walked forward into the office, which wasn’t much different from the previous room. Besides the million-dollar view of Justice City he got

Maybe you should combine these two sentences? It would make the second one not a fragment.

“Senka!” my mother chastised.

Very interesting wording...
I also notice very often, there are missing commas everywhere. You might want to go back and check on that.
Later on it skips without warning, even in the middle of the paragraph. I was really confused at this sudden transition.
Overall I liked the idea. At some points it was a little choppy and everything was so rushed. BAM, she's in this school. BAM, she's in a fight. BAM, she has to accept a challenge. Slow down a little, try to describe everything around here a little more, so I, as a reader, can get a batter picture in my head.
Once again, love the idea! Keep Writing!
~Wolfare