'Round every corner
there's shadows to dance
with declined offer
chance after chance.
Wrapped in my fingers
my soul's intertwined
among pulsed singers,
arteries undined.
What of the others
with haulted blood flow?
No use of triggers,
but whispers of "no".
Hidden predators,
delusional prey.
Game of addiction,
their bodies they pay.
Eyes of the craver-
they see nothing wrong.
Screams of the bearer,
serenading song.
Swallowing copper,
partial to revenge,
but screams of beggers
can't stop the syringe.
The unbelievers
don't know of the sin,
like rain to river
hiding what had been.
Meat of the farmers
won't be good enough.
Livestock nor the wild-
the hunt isn't tough.
As violence lovers,
the human race strives
for killing others
and ruining lives.
We as progressors
will all be the same.
We're blind followers
to cannibal fame.
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140,181 Literary Works • 673,037 Reviews
Sorry it took so long for me to get back to you, but here I am.
I really thought this poem was magnificent, mainly because it was so layered and real.
Your language is descriptive and creative, and your flow is really gripping. I like the change of pace between your stanzas.
Perhaps asking this question would make me sound stupid, but whatever. Are you actually talking about cannibalism or are you referring to how people can stop at nothing to destroy one another, or something along those lines?
-Alex
Wow. I am literally at a loss for words.
I doubt that I'll ever say this is the best poem I've ever read, yet for what it is, it's brilliant.
It's breathtaking and haunting, with wonderful imagery and description. The piece flowed very well, and I couldn't find any faults other than the ones previously said.
You were right, cannabilism is amazing/EPIC. I may have nightmares ^_^
Keep up the writing!
~Tinkem
Hello,
Well it's good to see i am not the only one who can write a poem about cannabilism
The imagery you have in here is great and very poetic, so well done. The pace you have maintained is extremelly good as well, which is quite fast which adds to the poem.
But, it doesn't feel to have much emotion in it.
My example would be this. It is descriptive and the whispers no bit also comes across as description in a way. In my personal opinion a good poem needs to have as much emotion as it does imagery. You could easily worn them into stanzas like this; it would help you piece, i think.
Should that be violent.
They are my only points. Do with them as you will
Well done though.
~Retro Disco666
Hello there, Kiicoh! Interesting poem!
The first stanza is a great descriptive introduction. My favorite stanza, however, would have to be the fourth one, for its inherent flow and beautiful analogy.
I feel like the conclusion could have been less direct. It's like a tale that tells the moral at the end, leaving no ambiguity. It makes it kind of sound like a campfire story, and I don't think you intended that. On a positive note, the rhyme scheme really helps it move along and gives it a twisted kind of tone.