Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for mature content.
Loud it,
let the birds hear it.
We do this together,
alone we go just after.
Let's kiss under that mango tree,
then straight to my room once it's three.
We won't mind doing this on the sofa,
or on my bed which is softer.
Spread your legs like the wings of an eagle,
then watch me Pierce your soul like a thread through the eye of a needle.
Side by side we lie once we're done,
while I breathe heavily touching your bum.
We go separately later,
and not missing each other.
Only praying for another day like this to come,
so we play till we cum.
Oh dove!
This is not love.
Just two adults on a cold afternoon,
drinking liquor and making love in a small room.
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140,196 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
Hey there, Ken95 !!
This is Eros here with a review for you !!
This was a GREAT piece of poetry. Loved it very much. The way you have described all those feelings ... It is so realistic. It is filled with romance. It was a beautiful poem. Loved the word choice. Loved the adverbs and adjectives that you have used ... especially the needle and the thread imagery.
Everything was SUPERB.
GREAT WORK.
Keep writing such awesome stuff and we would love to keep reading them all ...!
Have a great day / night !
~Eros.
Hey Ken95! I love your use of words and the figurative language you put in this poem. It is easier to imagine things when you make comparisons to familiar objects/things around you. I also love the point you are trying to get across that they're just "two adults". At first when I read this poem I thought that they really were love birds but as I got farther, I realized that wasn't the case. I love it when poems take you a different direction than you thought. The only suggestion I have is a better introduction. You need to have something that captures the readers attention more. I liked it but I think something could be added. Keep writing!
WOW. You captured the basis of a one-night-stand. I loved how you put everything. It made perfect sense all the way through. One thing I didn't like was that it was a little TOO obvious. If you make it a little more mysterious, it'll intrigue the readers more, plus it'll make them want to keep reading to find out what you mean.