Have you ever gotten the feeling that a cat has a crush on you? I mean really, he just looks at me all funny and purrs every time I go near him. True, he looks nice in his tuxedo and all, but I'm not really the type that should be seen in public with a cat. His name is socks, but he has absolutely nothing to do with this story.
Almost...
***********************************
"Hurry up Cecilia!" Yelled my sister Carnia from the next room over.
"I know I know, we don't want to miss the coronation of the prince of your dreams"
She stared at me like my face had turned turquoise.
"What would ever make you think that?" She said about a second after she had started blushing.
Why was it that my sister was better acquainted with the air folk than I? It had to have been that her father was a faerie. I've already forgotten how many kids he kidnapped for the faerie queen, not as many as most, about a hundred.
I looked down at the seas that I called home, but these waters weren't safe for us right now, though roaming the skies made me motion sick. The trees swayed below us, if only I could embrace their branches so close, yet so far away. The trees weren't safe either, they were being harvested for homes for the normal folk. The sea was peppered in war ships, bombs destroying the merfolk, the sulkies hiding their skins and fleeing. Good thing I was a hybrid, I was part dryad therefore I could leave the sea in order to escape.
The normal folk were so weak, and so vulnerable. One tsunami, one hurricane could kill thousands, millions, billions of them. But when they fought each other, they hurt everyone else anywhere near them. My tree was still there, but not for much longer. I might have to call my necklace home from now on, the aquarium that changed size.
I opened it up and dived in to spend some time with my dolphin pod, and Sissy, best whale ever. She was a hybrid, like me. A humpback somehow came to love an orca, and she was the result. A mighty predator with huge teeth, and a mild temper. I briefly met with my white dolphin Diamond. We don't know exactly what she is, she is white, blue eyed, and has a diamond in the middle of her forehead, hence her name. But nobody has ever seen anyone like her, even my sister's relations couldn't put a name to her species. But she was a reliable, small way of transportation when all the ocean was at peace.
I tied my flowing green hair back, and joined the others. I didn't glow, not even a little. But that made me stand out in the crowd, I was unusual, different. Even at the slightest breeze my hair evaded the braid, but here, at their festivals each one sent up the greatest wind they could muster. My hair flew free of my seaweed hair tie as soon as the prince walked out onto the balcony. Carnia looked up at him and blushed, she never was one to hide it when she was in love. I had yet to meet the one, she met "him" almost every week. I tried to contribute to the clamor by doing the same thing with water from my aquarium. A herring landed splat in my face and started to flop around right when everyone stopped the air currents. I put it back, but not before I had become the "center of attention". Why did I, the shy one, always end up in the place where everyone's gazes intercepted.
It was then, thankfully that prince Hown decided to give his speech:
"Fellow faeries! We are gathered here today to celebrate the day on which I become your king. It is also the day that a question is to be asked"
He flew down from the balcony on which he had been perched, and alighted on the ground in front of my sister's feet.
"Carnia" He almost whispered as he slid onto one knee.
"Will you be the queen of the realm of the air?"
I disappeared into the tank before I could hear any more, I knew what she was going to say, and it would mean that I would have to go on alone. She was not going with me to avenge our mother's death. To avenge all of our races. Loggers... Can't trust them to stay away from inhabited trees. You'd think the wolves would have been enough to tell them that this was a bad idea! And now... My life has fallen apart, we've all been uprooted (literally) and moved to a "safer" place. But the humans will not stop, too greedy, selfish, and heartless. They even kill their own race just because one side wants more rocks. And believe me, you want to ovoid angry rocks, that's another story altogether.
Sissy swam up to me, her eyes telling me she understood. I wept, for mother, for myself, for the past. But water did not come out of my eye sockets, air did instead, and rose to the surface. I dried my eyes and brought myself to the surface to hear the last of they're speeches. I carried the bag back to our room, not that my sister would be there, too busy making wedding arrangements.
***
The sun had set and the moon risen not an hour before Carnia's return. The girl who never tired of talking, kept on doing so until she bored me to tears. I awoke before dawn to the sound of trumpets in the courtyard. A messanger phoenix landed by my door, I untied the note from it's claw, this couldn't be good. The note read:
Dear Cecilia and Carnia,
I have sent this phoenix to inform you that you are no longer safe, the humans were set on wiping out the sky in giant metal birds; there is only one safe place for you, and Carnia's not going to like it. The bottom of the sea is the only place they haven't gone, and they are getting close. Remember what they did to the rest of my race? They are going to do this to your races.
Your humble apprentice-
Zhoom.
This wasn't good, if Zhoom thought that even me and my dragon couldn't survive this, there was no way anyone was.
End of chapter
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Fiery Salutations
I see my fellow Wolf-Musketeer and rival has beaten me to this chapter... Nevertheless, consider this a thank-you-review from your Team Captain for all the hard work you have done.
Your first two paragraphs are confusing, to say the least, and it seems extremely random, but I suppose it is related to the story somehow. Still, a cat wearing a tuxedo?
After that, the story becomes really interesting. It appears that you want combine several mythical/folk creatures in the same story, of which I approve and with which you should by all means continue, just make sure that it is a combination nobody has ever used before (otherwise you will be committing plagiarism, unintentionally or not) and that extra care that it is not a cliché.
The most interesting thing though, is the hybrids you have invented. Not only will that keep things interesting, but it also increases the pleasure which the readers draw from your work. It also increases the unpredictability of your story, and as long as it is not farfetched, unpredictability is never a bad thing!
The most confusing thing thus far is the race of the protagonist, Cecilia. You haev established that she is part Dryad, both through explicitly saying so and through the description of her hair, but what is the other part? And you keep referencing the tank - is she part mermaid or sulkie or something?
Also, your names seem to be original, albeit quirky, and that is also a nice touch. This has been a refreshing piece of writing. Well done.
by Team Rocket.
Sorry, I thought I said what she was. She's half water nymph. And her sister shares the dryad gene, although her father was a faerie.
Hello, Kelpies, Wolf here for a review.
I really liked you introduction, since it really hooked me in! What does a cat have to do with anything, was the question I asked myself, and I really liked how intrigued I was to find out more. One tiny thing, since Socks is the name of the cat, it should be capitalized in the beginning. In other spots there are tiny grammar errors, so I recommend that you go through and proof-read everything word for word so you can catch those mistakes, but most are really small.
Another part I also loved was how you really drew us into this whole different world. I understand that it's kind of like our modern world (hence the big metal bird), but it's like another place kind of above all the humans. I wasn't really confused with all the new terms, since a lot of it is very common, like merfolk in the sea, etc.
Something I do want to suggest for you is to slow it down. It's kind of rushed into the narrator's world suddenly falling apart when we didn't even know what her normal life was like. Maybe start slightly earlier, before this coronation, because even that seemed too fast. I can understand it's a little late to change the starting point, but I still feel like you can draw out the moments before when the two sisters are left alone before the coronation, or while they are waiting there.
Few technical things. First, maybe italicize the letter, just to make it easier to distinguish what it is. Second, be careful not to be too repetitive. In some spots I notice the starting of sentences being pronoun after pronoun, and it kind of makes the feel a little bit choppy. So try using different sentence starters every once and awhile.
Overall, I still liked this, though I still wish you drew out your characters more. Hope to see more! Happy Review Day and Keep Writing,
~Wolfare
meh, i never do review day anyway.
i look forward to seeing the second chapter
Hey i really like this story, but is this like the very beginning of it or was there a chapter or prologue before this? Yeah my only complaint is i got kind of lost because i did not know who the characters were, what the conflict was, and where the story was headed. Could you please explain?
Other than that. I really like the world this story takes place in and how you describe the humans (or are they normal folk?). Great job
Humans are normal folk. Thanks for the review! I'm always pretty vague just so you know.
Might want to save this for review day!