Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Fantasy

E - Everyone

This is War; Chapter two

by Kelpies

I brought my dragon Kona out of her stall, Kona was a greenish Asian dragon.  Her lime green serpentine shape glistened, and her yellow whiskers shone,  her icy blue talons just added to her total beauty.  My sister was forever green with envy every time she saw Kona, we had fought over her for centuries, but eventually she hatched for me.  I had told my sister that if there were any more rumors to track down another dragon nest, I would do it for her.  She eventually forgave me, but she is still jealous.

"We have to go, now"  I told my sister in my most persuasive voice.  

She waved her hand-maids away, she wanted to talk to me alone.

"Cecilia,"  She said "Things...  Will be different from now on"

"I know"  I replied "he comes with us, we are all in danger."

She laughed and patted my shoulder.

"Cecilia, nice to know you finally found your sense of humor."

I pushed her away and stormed off, before I left there was something I had to take care of.


I took the spirit item from my room, a beaded box.  I returned to my sisters room, and put both spirit items together.  If she was to lose me, she should at least be able to talk to mom.  The spirit items, if together, would enable our mother enough freedom to talk to us.  She was not truly dead, she had only transferred her spirit from the tree, into the two items.  I mounted Kona, and as our minds became one, she took off.

We flew, my three day was coming, I would have to return to my tree, or I would become mortal.  I needed to make my tree safe, I needed to take it to what the normal-folk called a "preserve".   But I didn't have enough power to move my tree without killing it.  I had heard that humans had this power, So I landed outside the limits of the next logging town.  My stomach leaped into my throat as I passed dead trees, dead dryads homes.  I reached what they called the "main office"  and entered.  An elk head was mounted over the desk, only bringing me closer to puke.  I said in the bravest voice I could muster "excuse me, do you work here?"  The man turned around, black hair with grey streaks, a beard, and tanned skin were his most noticeable attributes.  "I need you to help me remove a tree"

"In how many pieces?"

I gulped, these loggers really were ruthless.

"One, I need all the roots intact, and It has to be alive."

He looked at me like I was crazy, he was the crazy one though.

"You'll need a tree hugger for that"  He said in a gruff voice.

"They're all dead!  You're killing them!  The third day is upon us, and we need our trees"  

"Let me say this simply, I chop up trees, not transport them.  And you tree huggers are in my way, so what do I do?  I sweep them away."

I stormed out of the office, this wasn't what I needed, and there wasn't much time.  The younger boy followed me out, I think humans call people like these "assistants".  I whirled around, and was face to face with the young man.  His blue eyes showed slight fear, also knowledge.  

"What do you want?"  I said almost sorrowfully though I didn't intend it.

"I want to save your tree."

"Do you know how I could move it?  It means a lot to me and my..."  I searched for the right word.

He shook his head, a childish grin adorned his face.

"I know what and who you are, your dragon kind of gave it away."

My shoulders drooped, there goes my cover.

"I know someone who specializes in digging up trees, going beyond the roots so it can still live.  There is still a chance it will die"

"It will definitely die if I leave it here."

He nodded, and handed me a piece of paper. I gulped, yet another dead tree.  

"See ya there, Cecilia."  His voice almost taunting at my name.


I went strait to the address, stated my worry, and they got right on it.  They required a sum of something I had never heard of, greenbacks.  I assumed that they could get whatever it was with gold, so I went to my saddlebags to retrieve some.  On second thought, I think a diamond would be more convenient for everyone involved.  

I saw the guy that had informed me about this place there, I strolled on over.

"You have me at a disadvantage.  You know pretty much everything about me, yet I know nothing about you."

He took a breather from his digging.

"The name's Grey, and I helped you with your dragon when I was but a li'l boy."

I remembered, barely an eight year old boy had pointed us in the right direction for a dragon nest, guiding us through the mountains.

"I remember now.  Thank you."

"Don't mention it.  Especially to my mother, she would still kill me if I went anywhere near the nest."

We both laughed.  He started digging again, it was nice to know that there were still people out there that would help me.

"So where's the talkative one, your sister?"

"Getting married.  She refused to come with me away from danger of human flight crafts."

"I never imagined you traveling alone, maybe her but not you."

"But I'll bet that you could have imagined her getting married first."

"I wasn't so sure about that."

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
240 Reviews

Points: 279
Reviews: 240

Tue Aug 05, 2014 10:32 pm
AdmiralKat wrote a review...

Hello! KatyaElefant here for another review! Let's see what we have right here...

NITPICK: "I went strait to the address, stated my worry, and they got right on it."
Straight is spelled wrong here. Basically replace strait, with straight.

"I brought my dragon Kona out of her stall, Kona was a greenish Asian dragon."
You need commas before and after Kona.

"I returned to my sisters room, and put both spirit items together."
There needs to be an apostrophe in between sister and s. XD

This work has been in the green room for less than a day! Oh my gosh! Let's put it out of its misery. I don't have anything too bad to tell you, I think that you did a great job with this. The only thing that catches my eye is the lack of imagery. I wish I could see the characters. I think that you did a great job with the imagery of the dragon but I think you can do a bit more. You can never have enough imagery(as my friend @Noelle always says). I think that you did great with your organization. I think that they are organized as they should be. The spelling and grammar is great! You did a great job with that! I'm a bit confused on the plot, if you could inform me on what is happening there, it would help me a lot. I think that whatever plot that you are doing, is amazing and I would love to read chapter one(but I have so little time and so much to do XD). For your plot, I think that the title caught me into it but I don't know how this title is going to relate to your actual story. Again, if you could explain that for me, that would be great. Overall great job! Have a nice Review Week! Keep calm and keep writing!

This review was brought to you
by Team Gold.

User avatar
54 Reviews

Points: 524
Reviews: 54

Tue Aug 05, 2014 10:28 pm
StupidSoup wrote a review...

OK well (Scratches his head) I guess I shoulda read the first chapter ._. anyway onto the review.

Compiments. (They taste like bacon). So first off, I really like how you portray the character's different culture compared to that of humans (I'm assuming your main character is not human.) I like how you implement earlier character's back into the plot, no loose ends eh? OK thats it for compliments.

Criticisms! Just like a rotten apple, there's always a bad part. (I suck at similies) OK, first there's the starting paragraph. You say green like 3 times within the space of two sentences. I think you can cut a couple sentences from the first paragraph and just go with a, "She was a greenish asian dragon. Her serpentine shape glistened and her golden whiskers shone in the (Insert time of day here.)" And so on and so on. There are a number of little typo's in your story as well. For example, when you say, "I remember, barely an eight year old boy..." I'm pretty sure this is invalid syntax, instead you could say, "A child, barely eight years in age..." You could also use the word "hatchling" or "Young one" to compliment the foreign feel of the main character. (Hatchling might be stretching it a bit)

Well, thats all! Dont get to down on yourself about the criticisms, everyone has them.

Keep writing!

Education is education. We should learn everything and then choose which path to follow. Education is neither Eastern or Western; it is human.
— Malala