Water swirled around me, drowning me.
A giant hand was pushed under me, pulling me from the water.
The hand was connected to another, which tore me limb from limb.
The crunch of my skeleton was all I could hear.
It held me down, told me I would die quickly.
Moments later birds flocked around me,
And one crunch ended it all.
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140,706 Literary Works • 673,672 Reviews
This poem is completely intense. I can feel everything that's going on right now. It's as if I'm actually there. I feel as if I'm the one who's dying because I'm drowning, getting killed, and getting eaten by birds. There is only one thing I have to say, but it's not a big deal.
"Moments later, birds flocked around me." I only added that comma because "Moments later" is a transition. Those rules still apply in my opinion.
Overall, nicely done here.
Thanks!
Hi, Kelpies. This is Pinkie here for a short review. Excuse me as I put on my glasses. *puts on my pink glasses*
I like this poem. You gave some descriptions of grasshopper's vision of what is going on around it. It gave the image of me being the grasshopper during these events. Also, I didn't saw any errors on here which it is good thing. This is a wonderful masterpiece that you have here. I enjoyed this poem a lot. You are a great poet. I hope you write more. Well, see you around.
Awesome Job!
Cheers
Your reviewer, Pinkiegirl13.
Thanks!
Ah so this is a simple poem - or so it seems at a glance. I like poems like these. They are simple and specific and leave lots of room for fun interpretations. The first meaning I got from this poem is that it is fear that death is a state of the mind. Let me explain. The first line pronounces the grasshopper dead, drowned. Nevertheless, this same grasshopper is narrating the rest of the poem. By the third line, the grasshopper is ripped limb by limb - killed again. The skeleton crunches in the next line. Birds then came into the picture, and after the grasshopper has survived so much, have passed through death so many times, one crunch ends it all. I believe the grasshopper only truly dies when he accepts death. Maybe it has a fear of birds, and so the bird's crunch automatically deals the killing blow.
Another angle could be that the grasshopper is a ghost after the first line, a ghost watching its body go through terrible things after it has died. In either case, the poem is giving me the idea that death itself is not quite final. Maybe when a loved one dies, that person does not truly stops living until he/she is forgotten - this is an example of death not being as final as most fear it to be.
Nice poem here. You may say 'where the hell did you see all that crap in my poem?!' but that, my friend, is the essence of poetry. Keep writing and keep sharing.
It does look like it died a couple times- Maybe I should fix that because it was still alive when I fed it to the birds.
*Evilly grins. I am "It".