The world is spinning
And my mind with it.
My mind has gone
Eaten away by a secret so large,
It made the world quake when it was told.
The night devoured my mind
Like a tiny insect.
I never was perfect,
And I am even less so now.
My mind was my only admirable trait
And now it is gone.
In its place, I find a person
I never knew.
And never will.
My mind is gone,
Leaving only my heart.
Which lies in tatters
And threatens to rot.
I will never be the same again,
My transformation has already begun.
No one can stop it now.
I am no longer me
I am the essence
Of one Who is hanging on
To a nonexistent humanity
By a fraying rope.
The rope has broken
And I have not yet grown my wings to fly.
But this thing that is falling,
Is not a human.
But one who has been freed from humanities shackles.
An animal.
Consumed by the night
finally free.
The shackles that hold all humans
Are gone.
Just an instinct is left.
I am not tame
I am a bat.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hey, yo, Kelpies! Strange here on this fantastic Review Day and I have a quick review for you!
Plot twist!
I thought this poem was okay. I'm not going to sugar coat it, it was okay. I didn't really find anything special about it. Okay, you are describing your mind, and your spirit animal, or that you're an actual Bat. Now, it just didn't hit the spot for me. Let me get onto what I though was good about it.
You enjoyed talking about yourself, giving the reader on some standard of the narrator. We want to feel this non charismatic narrator's feelings! We somewhat got that, as it slightly hit. I did like that, but every work has some faults.
EH, awkward placing/sentence. Try wording it differently, please.
Yes, this is a very awkward part. See, you would want to continue the second line with the third and the fourth. It doesn't work that way, really.
Sorry for being a party pooper, but I wasn't a fan.
Overall, okay.
Strange gives you...
okay/10
okay job,
Keep writing,
Stay groovy, my friend..
#TheFaultInOurReviews
THAT TWIST! I was not expecting that twist. Never did that even cross my mind.
I really like this poem as well as your writing style. Great job, especially with the ending.
I just had a couple little nitpicks.
I think this would be better divided into two lines. Not only would it help with uniformity in the format, but I (personally) think it also helps with the flow.
If you're capitalizing the "Who" on purpose, then "one" should be capitalized as well. They both represent the same thing, so whatever you do to one you must do to the other.
Great poem, overall. I really enjoyed it
~WallFlower
Happy Review Day!
This is amazing! Marvelous! Simply beautiful! I can see how well this relates to life, when being compared to reality, but I'm not quite sure whether you were intending to do so. But overall, this was lovely! I never assumed it was a bat, but it all wrapped up perfectly towards the ending. I'm not that experienced in poetry, so I can't afford to give corrections. Anyway, keep up the good work! Can't wait to hear more.
Poetry Isn't my strong suit either. I am more of a Novel person myself. But when I do have some inspiration, my imagination runs away.
Hi, J.C. here for a review!
Before I begin, I will be honest, this poem did not intrigue me very much. This is not to say that it is not a good poem or that it is not worth reading, or that it does not have meaning and value. But you have to understand one thing, and that is that just about every "poet" writes at least one of these, and there are probably about 6.5 billion so called "poets" out there today. They're just not that rare.
On a much better note, though, there is a part to this poem that is both original and unique. I've honestly never read a poem about turning into a bat, and while it may not have been my choice, I can see the symbolism in it.
This part was great, if you believe that life is something bad. It may not be what you were trying to convey, but what I get out of it is that you are saying being human is a burden. And yes, I have to agree with that in many ways. But without bitter, there is no sweet.
But I can imagine how freeing it would feel to be able to go back to just instincts. Where everything was life, or death, and we didn't do anything unless it was for one or the other. I mean, honestly, sometimes there is so much crap we have to filter through as humans, I wish I could just turn into a dog for a few days. Or a bat
This part, about the hanging, was actually kind of a pun in its own right. At the same time, I thought it was a cool correlation, and I wonder if you meant it to be that way? Bats hang upside down, of course. As I was reading I found myself imagining myself standing in a tree, slowly transforming and flipping upside down.
It would be unnatural, but at the same time, it would feel so good to be doing something different, even if only for the sake of being different.
There were a few grammatical mistakes I saw, mostly in punctuation. Actually, they may not be mistakes, because we all interpret things differently, but I usually just ignore punctuation in poems anyways, so, guess it doesn't matter.
You also seem to repeat the same words, phrases, and/or ideas quite a few times, and it gets a bit redundant. That's why I like short poems so much better. But that's just me. I've found that so many other people like longer lengths, so again, probably doesn't matter.
And now that I'm at the end of the review, I must say that this is a surprisingly well done poem. No Hemingway to be sure, but I doubt we'll have many more of those to come.
Thank you Kelpies!
Thanks! I worked on it for a full ten minutes and then I corrected some errors. I am not kidding!
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