Hey there! Plume here, with a review! I noticed this piece has been in the green room for a bit, so I figured I'd help bump it out! I also used the already decoded version, so no need for the point donation!
I enjoyed reading this song! I think it would be super cool set to music, too, but as someone who isn't super musically inclined, I completely understand why this is just in text format for now. I think the tone you chose throughout was super cool and consistent, and it really helped tie the whole thing together with an archaic, epic folklore type song vibe.
One thing I enjoyed was the richness of your vocabulary. There's always a fine line between pretentious and powerful, but here, I think you've definitely erred on the side of power. Each sentence really build up this scathing and frothing anger on the part of the narrator. Lines like "You're an idiot, so I'll tell you again/I am like the wind, invisible/You can't grasp me or see me" really help build up that perseverance and flouting authority attitude the narrator has. I thought it was super consistent throughout, so nice work with that!!
I was also super curious about who Grigori was addressing. I know I reviewed one of your other Grigori related pieces, and he seemed to be angry at the Queen of Frochnji. Not sure if that's the same object of the song here, but I figured I'd ask anyways.
One thing I wondered about was how to better incorporate your visions for the music video (that is what you intended MV to stand for, right?) into the overall narrative. Having them separate like this made it a bit difficult to visualize. I know the focus here was to be on the actual content of the poem rather than the overall MV, but I feel like if you want that to be the case, it would simply make more sense just to omit the descriptions at the end. If you want to keep them in, however, I'd recommend making the whole thing a script, just so you can show what you want to in a more cohesive way in relation to the lyrics.
Overall: nice work! I think this piece was a really nice addition to the overall universe you've created for Grigori. I'd be interested in learning more/reading more from the work as a whole, so if you ever publish more, feel free to tag me! Until next time!!
Points: 81482
Reviews: 672
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