Young Writers Society

Heyo! Silverberry here for a review! I like the poem you have here, it's very relatable and cute and you have great descriptions. I noticed you're quite good with hyperboles, which really adds to your poem since you're talking about the expanse of your love. Overall good job!

There isn't much I would consider changing but since I'm being picky...

I have this morbid fear of being forever alone,
so I guess I'm fortunate to be with
someone as wonderful and beautiful as you

I think it's important to know when to cut off a line and figure out what you're leaving on it's one. Here I would personally end the second line with someone, so that you leave the adjectives and kind of "answer" who you are fortunate to be with, if that makes sense. I'm not so sure about you're use of "I guess", for you have quite strong opinions of this person, which shows how "obsessed" you are with your lover. Perhaps "so I consider myself fortunate" so there's less questioning or "I believe I'm fortunate" for while it's not as cut throat, it still shows your thoughts and strong feelings.

I actually really like the second stanza, for the lines go really well together with the repeated "see" in the first two lines and the repeated "betters" in the second. Good job!

I don't want you to love me.
I just want you to be there,
as a shoulder to cry on and
a shelter from the rainstorm.

It's a little strange to me that you say you don't want this person's love at all (but I might be reading this relationship wrong). I would say something like "you don't NEED to love me" or something like that, but if you have a reason behind this wondering then keep it. Also, just a little addition, you should add "as" as the first word in the fourth line.

Okay so skipping to the last stanza;

all I want is to not be forever alone,
to not be forever single.

you say that you don't want to be single and therefore want a romantic relationship, yet you said earlier that you don't want the person's love. This confuses me a little so (as I said before) I think you should change the earlier line.

Okay! So great poem! I don't normally review poems that don't rhyme, but I enjoyed yours. You took a topic that is written about a lot, but I think it's always good to put your own thoughts and ideas and bounce them off of others to make them unique. Other than a few nit-picky errors, it's pretty perfect! Good job and keep writing!

Hey Kazeybear!
This is a pretty neat poem. At first, I was expecting some sort of twist, like the person being described being a cat or a poster of mirror. It was actually quite straightforward, and I like it!

I have this morbid fear of being forever alone,
so I guess I'm fairly fortunate to be with
someone as wonderful and beautiful as you.

Fairly? Given the context of the dramatic "being forever alone" and "someone wonderful and beautiful", I think it's quite moderate! I would maybe raise it up to match the more exaggerated parts as well? I don't know if that makes any sense.

I don't necessarily want you to love me.
I just want you to be there,
as a shoulder to cry on and
a shelter from the rainstorm.

I think that "necessarily" is rather long and kind of throws off the flow of this whole line. Also, since you say in the first stanza that the narrator is with her, wouldn't that imply that she loves him already? As a personal preference, I think that you might want to say "shelter from the storm" rather than "rainstorm", because I think that's a lot more commonly seen and so it clicks internally a bit faster.

I'll give all my love to you.
I'll buy out the whole of Holland
and then the Chelsea Flower Show
to make you feel my love.

This is an interesting stanza. Is there any reason in particular why you chose all of Holland and the Chelsea Flower Show? They kind of come out of the blue, though they get the point across.

My therapist says I'm obsessed.
I told her she's clearly never been in love,
because it's soul-capturing,
it's enrapturing,
and nothing can keep me from you.

I think the fourth line would be better without the repeated "it's"? Anyway, I love how the last line kind of is the reason for the first, so even though the narrator claims that it's what love is, you can see that it really is more of an obsession. I like this perspective that the reader gets!

I will love you until the day I die
and probably longer still,
because you've made a big enough impression
for it to stay with me after life.

The third line seems kind of awkward- impression doesn't seem like a very strong word to me, even though you clarify that it's big. Then you say "it" in the last line, and I think it refers to the impression in the last line. I think it should be connected with something stronger, like the love mentioned previously, the woman herself. And I think afterlife is one whole word!

Anyway, I liked this a lot, and I think the ending is really powerful. Its a very interesting concept, and u think you carry it out well!

-Falco

Heya, Kazybear! Casanova here to do a review for you.

Before I get started I would like to say how easy to relate to this is. I was in a situation(which I pretty much still am) with a girl, in which I was engaged to. It really did pack a punch, and I really enjoyed this. That said, I did find some stuff you could work on.

Okay, you're pretty much over using the narration. In most lines here you have I statements which keep your poem going. Besides the narration, you're not really telling a story. I would suggest focusing on imagery and emotion rather than narration. A lot of your lines here could be combined into a couple of lines by throwing away the narration in some parts- if that makes any sense. Anyway, onward.

I have this morbid fear of being forever alone,
so I guess I'm fairly fortunate to be with
someone as wonderful and beautiful as you.

I get the feeling this is really serious, and throwing the,"I guess," in there takes away from that. I would suggest cutting it, but it's up to you.

I'll give all my love to you.
I'll buy out the whole of Holland
and then the Chelsea Flower Show
to make you feel my love.

I know this probably seemed romantic at the time, but the,"make you feel my love," part seems kinda cliche and rather... Creepy? I think that's what I'm going for. You want to show it, but the ,"make," statements puts a kind of.. Authority and need to it? If that makes any sense, I would suggest changing it to something like," to show you my love." Anyway, onward.

All I want is to not be forever alone,
to not be forever single.
My therapist says I have anuptaphobia.
She would too
if she ever met you.

I love how entrapping the ending is, and I think it was a perfect ending to this.

Anyway, overall I think you have a decent poem idea that could use some tweaking. That's all I have to say on this one, and I hope it helped.

Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.

Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron