Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
My town is full of Them.
They are the people
who pour their alcohol
into a never-ending river of
worthlessness,
who throw away words like wrappers,
who objectify and stereotype,
who chat about pornography like it's nothing.
I like to believe I'm not the same.
I am the guy who hugs trees,
who stands up for what he believes in,
who uses each word like a weapon,
who gazes at the night sky
and sees we are interconnected.
We are all like Them.
It is human nature.
Nonetheless,
I will keep my back to the wind.
Because it may be inherent,
but there is still hope.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
I like what you're saying here but your poem doesn't flow well. It's choppy and doesn't bring your point across as well as it could.
The last line is particularly out of place compared to the rest of the poem. I don't really know how you would fix this, maybe just take the line completely out because "Nonetheless, I will keep my back to the wind." covers what you said in the last two lines and keeps a nice vagueness and image in the brain.
I like how you capitalized the word them, brings a nice focus on the mood.
The line
"and sees we are interconnected." sounds odd, if I'm being honest I can hear Golum from Lord Of The Rings saying this and it's not a nice voice to visualize with. I suggest changing the words sees because that's what makes the sentence sound odd.
The second stanza is my favorite part of the poem because it reminds me of Salem's lot by Stephen King, which is one of my favorite books that dwells into the human condition.
Lastly, you should read through and add in lines that connect the stanzas well and makes the poem nice to read out loud.
Keep on writing!
Short and sweet, yet powerful. I definitely enjoyed this, and your vocabulary was pretty great.
The only problems I'm seeing thus far is how your stanzas are structured, and your punctuation. It starts with a 7 line stanza, and ends with a two-liner. It isn't very consistent. As for your punctuation, it is really off due to how the stanzas are structured, so you'll have to watch it.
A one-line stanza definitely throws it off.
It was very pretty though, and I liked the feeling you put into it. Tag me in your future works please!
Thank you!
This is actually a free verse poem, and as such it follows no.structure. It was just the way that worked best for me when writing.
~Kazey
Remington38 here, pleasure to meet you
I wish I could give this another star honestly. It was beautifully written and had so much emotion in every stanza, and every line. The message was even more beautiful and you approached it with such elegance, because when bringing up the things you did there was an easy way to approach it wrong, but you made it understandable. I feel that anyone reading this will relate to the protagonist and notice all of the Them's around us. This was a beautiful poem, and you are a very talented writer. Have a wonderful day.
Thanks for your review!