Middle Fate has been put in a moment of great importance: choosing the revival of the world, or the apocalypse. She has been forced to make this choice before The Rogue does, in which she can potentially take over their dimension, with her power she has been taught by Trickery. This news was brought to her by her relative, The Keeper.
Fate
The rain beat against the cave-mouth in torrents. It poured over the sides, drenching the winged, black wolf. Her eyes faintly glowed a piercing white. She was hunched over in the corner, sullenly hanging her head down low, her luxurious fur sodden. How could one decide destiny so colossal, knowing that you were the only one standing between destruction and revival?
It was a burden that felt like the weight of the sky. She had many names; Carrier Of Destiny, The Middle Fate, Sky-Carrier. The wolf didn't want the honor.
Why couldn't she be normal? It was one question the wolf always asked herself, but could never find the true answer. Everybody thought of her as a legacy. They were wrong. Fate was merely just a wolf herself-except her wings. They didn't understand that choosing the destiny of the world wasn't a honor; but a burden the she-wolf had to carry. It may seem easy in some humans' eyes, of course they'd choose revival.
The Apocolapyse wasn't as bad as some thought, it'd actually let the world become immortal. Yet the revival limited the age of the world, it seemed reasonable. Think about it; if the Apocolapyse was chosen, and immortality was brought to the world, wouldn't people become tired of living? Then it'd become their own war between themselves.
That was why it was so complex to the she-wolf--the answer was impossible. Fate jolted suddenly, one of her eyes becoming pure black; a vision was coming. The she-wolf settled into a trance-like composure, staring straightforward, her body relaxed as she lay down on the cold ground.
She felt her soul zooming through an abyss of nothing. Her legs twitched as she sprinted towards the vision. A blur of color flashed behind her eyes, so indistinct that she could not even notice what color it was.
"Cast the toxic to the Land of Dust, to the Underworld, thee suffer the curse of many, for menace awaits," whispered a voice in Fate's head. Pictures flashed before her eyes of a silky-furred black wolf accompanied by a saka, a spirit wolf, in a dark cavern. Another picture was shown to her; a grey wolf covered with sand, staring back, tears rolling down her eyes. "Three face the dangers beyond, one's greatest nightmare, exiling thy saka to the Underworld,"
"You don't understand!" a girl's voice pleaded in the wolf's mind. A russet wolf's saka wondered around aimlessly as Trickery's laugh filled the she-wolf's mind. A burst of light enveloped a wolf as it flooded out of it's mouth and eyes.
"Seek the Lion's Grand Halls...."
The vision ended as fast as it'd started. Fate opened her eyes, breathing in a lungful of fresh air, pondering the meaning of the vision. Most of it was obvious-a exile had happened long ago of wolf's saka to the Underworld, yet, the last verse was illogical. There was no such thing as a 'Lion's Grand Hall'. Not even the Leones would create such a thing-unless..
The wolf shook her head to herself, discarding the thought. Some say another dimension's path lay deep in the depths of the Underworld, that First Fate and Last Fate guarded the doors. They had vanished milennia ago with no farewell--only one of the reasons why they worshiped Fate so dearly. It's just one of Trickery's rumors," she assured herself, pacing around the wet cave.
"SHE COMES!" screeched a voice. Fate turned around and saw a ragged, skimpy brown wolf standing in the violent rain.
"THE ROGUE COMES!" he screeched again, panting. The she-wolf''s face fell.
"Comes where?"
"T-th-" he stammered, staggering, the wolf's eyes rolling back in his head. Fate didn't even acknowledge the fact he'd passed out, and she began to worry. Comes where? She burst out her raven wings, and lept out of the cave, into the rain, spreading her wings and taking to the air. She must send word to the Leones, The Rogue could be planning an attack..
She sailed over the lush pine trees, darting inbetween them as she went. Fate simply thought of nothing, pushing away the persistent thoughts of Trickery, her vision, and The Rogue. Fate should've expected it, of course The Rogue would ambush when everybody least expected it. Yes, most had heard rumor, but some just really didn't care, or want to. Now they'd be bowing down to her and calling her 'most divine'.
As she looked down, she saw the familar palace of the Leones. It was covered with thick snow and jagged mountains that touched the clouds. Two towering Leone statues made of obsidian reared up, touching paws. It was quite extravagent, to say the least. The palace had the structure of a coliseum, roofed with a small glass dome. Fate plummeted down towards the palace, slowing momentum as she came closer to the ground. She landed, neatly folding in her wings. The air was chilly, wisps of wind kept making her fur stick up. Leones glanced her way with confused or honored looks.
The she-wolf stopped right at the double doors, examining the guards. They were husky, covered in layers of snow. "Aye, why do you come here?" questioned one of the guards.
"Do you not know who I am? It is of great importance that I talk to Shalyk,"
The guards glanced at each other from the corner of their eyes, giving each other 'who the heck is this' looks. "I ask you to leave." demanded a Leone with a pitch black pelt.
"Oh sakehmate! I've gotten news from a messenger. He said that 'The Rogue is coming'. If you don't know, I'm Middle Fate." her eyes blazed. The guards stared blankly at her, and the next moment they were bowing down to her, their heads hung low.
"Carrier Of Fate, I beg your forgivenes.. I truly do." one of them gasped. Fate gave both of them a sharp nod and headed into the doors. She stepped into a foyer carpeted silver, with walls carved of stories of the Leone's past. A white Leone with brooding eyes walked past her.
Fate turned around and asked, "Where can I find Shalyk?"
The Leone did not even turn to see who'd asked her. "Shalyk is dead." she said flatly, and sprinted away before Fate could even answer. Shalyk.. was dead?
****
Fate had been following the Leone for weeks. Often she'd attempt to call out in the violent winds to no avail. The wolf was drawn to the young Leone's energy-it was no like other. It'd often shift, tendrils reaching out, lashing at the air, retreating as soon as they'd come. The Leone would often lope up the most dangerous peaks and cliffs; sometimes staying there for days, searching.
Tracking the Leone was going as planned-until she vanished completely out of thin air. Night had fallen, and the blizzards had finally calmed. The moon showered bits of dappled light over the snowy cliff as the Leone lay stretched out in the snow, Fate in the background, hidden. With no warning, the Leone's energy had reached out, it's tendrils desperate and searching. The Leone sat upright, courses of strength flowing through her.
Fate had blended into the shadows, watching her in interest. The Leone was entirely limpid, pale as a ghost. It was no tricky of the eye. It was real. The Leone turned around, scanning the area, teeth bared, her eyes reflecting the silver moon. Snow shifted beneath her paws.
"Sybil." the Leone growled under her breath. Fate's breath caught in her throat--the Leone had sensed her presence. She sat there in the shadows, poised for a fight. A couple of minutes passed. Nothing. Reluctantly, she peered out of the shadows and found her to have disappeared.
Then she really thought that she might've been becoming insane. Not only did she see that the Leone was entirely translucent,--or so she thought,--but that she also vanished into thin air. She sighed, burrowing deep into the snow. There was no point in traveling any farther tonight, it would be too dangerous.
She closed her eyes, moments later, Fate drifted into a deep sleep.
sakehmate- fool (in all-word creature tongue)
saka- spirit (in wolf tongue)
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey, Aleta here for a brief review. I'll start off with encouraging things.
What I loved:
1. The description: Again, you have the perfect amount of description, it makes the scene come to life without making it boring. It also does it great job of creating the tone(have you were feeling as you were writing it) of the peice. I could perfectly picture a forlorn, lamenting wolf, drenched it rain.
2. Overall flow your writing keeps the action up and keeps people engaged. it's nicely paced and balanced.
What I think could be improved:
1. The conflict: While I liked the opening inner monologue, and it was well written, I found myself asking when something important wad going to happen, so my advice is this: go back over the opening section and decided if every bit of that is really necessary to understanding your story and the character. Are there parts that can be left out? Or are there ways you could make it more concise?
2. The plot overall: As I think back on what's happened, I realize I have a hard time connecting what's happened in the story so far. Part of that is because I read this story over review dead while I was brain dead, but maybe start the chapters with a reference to what that character did in the past so we can keep track of who's who and what they're doing? You don't need to do a lot, just a little.
Hi! Cricket here for a review!
This might be shorter review, as I'm running low on time but I'll see what I can do here.
Firstly, I would like to ask why this is put into bold? I honestly can't see a real reason for it, and I would discourage it as I find it highly distracting and not at all becoming for the actual text. Just something I'd suggest getting rid of.
What I must say I really liked about this was your sentence structure mainly. There didn't seem to be any awkward sentences anywhere, not to mention there were very few spots where words were being overused or anything like that. It's pretty nice reading a story, where you're aren't puzzling over awkward wording, so well done in that regard. Keep it up.
What I would like to talk about is your dialogue punctuation firstly. Let me take out a piece of text first, to show as an example.
Now see how you are going into the dialogue tag using a period? Now that's technically not correct. When going into a dialogue tag, you always, always have a comma. Without fail, you always have a comma. There is no exception to this rule, when going into a dialogue tag you have to have a comma. But just with a dialogue tag, of course. I know this may sound pretty confusing and I really don't want that, so here's a link that should be helpful] towards this. Hope it is! It helped me bunches, when I was having problems so I hope it will do the same for you. It's written by Demeter and is a great tutorial on dialogue punctuation.
I honestly don't know if I've talked to you about this before, but I'm just going to brush up on it once again. Throughout this work, there's little spots where you are telling and not showing. Telling the reader what's going on is generally not so nice. Now obviously, there are time when' it's okay to tell us a little bit to help move it along, but not consistently, and not all the time. It's not so bad right now, but there are still the occasional spot throughout this work that has this particular mistake. Not often, but it's there. An example for the difference between the two would be like, telling would just say flat out that the MC is scared, but showing would give examples of how they are scared, such as using language like, their hair was rising up on the back of their neck, or shivers were running up and down their body, or just something like that. If the MC isn't being shown with enough emotion going, then the reader won't be feeling enough emotion either. Hope that made some sense. ^ ^
I see here's an attempt to do the em-dash. When doing the em-dash, at least in Microsoft Word, you write it out just like you have it here, and then after you type the word after the dash, you do a space and it turns into one, solid, unbroken line. Make sense? I hope so, but if not then feel free to ask me about it and I'll explain further.
OK, I have to go now, but I hope this bit was helpful for you!
Keep writing!
~Cricket
Okay, so I finally caught up on which chapter you're on.
And I have to say this story is going great. You have a really good storyline and I'm excited to read more. I'll be reviewing the next chapter and the ones after that from now on. 
Bye for now!
~BookWolf
Thank you!
Hey Katgirl!
Let me jump into my few little grammar things.
1.
Than should be then.
2. That last "is" should be "was."
3. be careful of the word that. I think I already talked about it, just check to make sure every time you use the word that, it actually is necessary for the sentence to make sense.
What I loved:
1. The description: Again, you have the perfect amount of description, it makes the scene come to life without making it boring. It also does it great job of creating the tone(have you were feeling as you were writing it) of the peice. I could perfectly picture a forlorn, lamenting wolf, drenched it rain.
2. Overall flow your writing keeps the action up and keeps people engaged. it's nicely paced and balanced.
What I think could be improved:
1. The conflict: While I liked the opening inner monologue, and it was well written, I found myself asking when something important wad going to happen, so my advice is this: go back over the opening section and decided if every bit of that is really necessary to understanding your story and the character. Are there parts that can be left out? Or are there ways you could make it more concise?
2. The plot overall: As I think back on what's happened, I realize I have a hard time connecting what's happened in the story so far. Part of that is because I read this story over review dead while I was brain dead, but maybe start the chapters with a reference to what that character did in the past so we can keep track of who's who and what they're doing? You don't need to do a lot, just a little.
And that's all. Thanks for letting me know the chapter's up, and let me know if you have any questions.
Thanks! I try to get my tone from looking at fantasy wolf pictures, I actually got the 'Leones' from somebody's Cheedarian drawings. I appreciate this review!
Oh, i was going to mention that too, I really liked the picture at the beginning...