Young Writers Society

I'll review as I read.


The moonlit sky was a void of pitch black, except for the crescent that was peeking out of the clouds and the stars that dotted the sky. Wisps of wind blew in the air in a calm, serene way. The Rogue was the complete opposite.

See those words in bold? It is always good to use adverbs sparingly. It makes the writing cleaner and much lighter. You can often use a stronger verb or just omit the adverb. As it is your beginning line, you don't want it to become too heavy. My suggestion would be to get rid of one or two of those adjectives/adverbs.

She banged the goblet on the table; it's contents sloshing all over the table, her fang-like teeth drawn in a snarl.

Get rid of the semi-colon and replace it with a comma.

Attack has already pointed out the difference between it's and it is.
It is = It's
Everything else = its.

Is "The Rogue" a sort of title or name? The constant repetition of "The Rogue" is jarring the flow.
For instance -
The spy's face masked her real emotion-fear of the Rogue. The spy quickly conjured up a couple of comebacks. "I will be awaiting you, she-wolf. I suggest you turn tail and flee," the spy retorted, tilting her head, looking directly into the Rogue's eyes. The Rogue was doing exactly what the spy had expected-shape shifting. If everything happened as planned, her ambush would be able to trap the she-wolf's entire pack. The Rogue was turning into a colossal, matted wolf that almost seemed to resemble the sky itself. The spy was petrified; she could no longer shroud her inner emotion.


"The Rogue" has been repeated in this single paragraph four times. That is like saying -
Paul has a big house. Paul has two daughter and Paul is a lawyer. Paul has a dog too.

The same in the case of "the spy". Try finding pronouns for them. Can you refer to Rogue as 'she" or 'it" ? Then use that.

The spy's face masked her real emotion-fear of the Rogue. The spy She quickly conjured up a couple of comebacks. "I will be awaiting you, she-wolf. I suggest you turn tail and flee," the spy she retorted.
Something like that ^

Also, three sentences in the same paragraph start the same way. "The Spy". And other two with "The Rogue".
This points towards weak writing. Try avoiding starting sentences that start the same way more than once or (in unavoidable situations) twice in the same paragraph. You can do that and compare the two and see which sounds better. It will prove my point.

You are shifting from "The Rogue" to "the Rogue" to "the rogue" here and there. Stick with one.

A cold smile was tugging at the spy's lips as she glared back at the wolf.

I find it hard to imagine a smile when someone is glaring.
Try this -
A cold smile was tugging at the spy's lips as she stared back at the wolf.

"If you dare take a step closer.."

An ellipse has three dots. "..."

Clop, clop, clop, a rhythmic noise of hooves interrupted their "staring contest"
Try replacing staring contest with stare off or stare down.

Overall, I am intrigued by your characters. I want to know what is going on. So the purpose of a prologue is met. Well done.
Except for a few grammatical errors, your writing is great. You describe only the necessary without missing out the needed details. I look forward to reading more on this story!

Keep writing!

Hey there! First of all I loved the way you started it. You started all nice and pretty and then jumped right into the action, which caught me by surprise and definitely peaked my interest.

I do have a few little grammar nitpicks:

She banged the goblet on the table, its contents sloshing all over the table, her fang-like teeth drawn in a snarl. "AT WHAT PRICE?" the wolf-like girl growled. "You couldn't imagine," the spy said with complete ease, leaning back in the chair.

The Rogue's midnight cape was billowing in the wind like a flag, showing off it's crescent moon painted on the back. The spy grinned stealthily, and raised three fingers to the sky. "You'd better keep your deal or else-" her threat was blown away in the wind as she realized it was a trap. The rogue snarled, outraged.

The spy's face masked her real emotion-fear of The Rogue. She quickly conjured up a couple of comebacks. "I will be awaiting you, she-wolf. I suggest you turn tail and flee," the spy retorted, tilting her head, looking directly into The Rogue's eyes.

The she-wolf was doing exactly what the spy had expected-shape shifting. If everything happened as planned, her ambush would be able to trap the she-wolf's entire pack. It was turning into a colossal, matted wolf that almost seemed to resemble the sky itself. She was petrified; she could no longer shroud her inner emotion.

"Take a step closer, and you'll be leaderless," Echo declared. The she-wolf growled in protest and anger. "Your so-called warriors have betrayed you. They've been on our side all along," the she-wolf retorted. The spy feigned surprise, her hands flying to her cheeks. Echo grinned like a Chesire cat.

Quite interesting, I must admit. I'm glad I read this after you can out with chapters 2 and 3. This way I can just go strait (not sure if that's the write way of writing it for this situation) to reading the next two. I kind of feel like the characters emotions were all over the place in the beggining, though it sort of fits. I wish there was more background information on them as well. Of course it's what's keeping me reading so....yeah I don't know where I was going with that. But it all seriousness I truly do love this story. It caught my attention almost instantaneously, I have a thing for mysteries. Keep calm and write on! =^_^=

Ch.2 is done! c:

Hi there!
Manisha here to review. I'm reviewing after a really long time!

I'll review as I read.

The moonlit sky was a void of pitch black, except for the crescent that was peeking out of the clouds and the stars that dotted the sky. Wisps of wind blew in the air in a calm, serene way. The Rogue was the complete opposite.

She banged the goblet on the table; it's contents sloshing all over the table, her fang-like teeth drawn in a snarl.

The spy's face masked her real emotion-fear of the Rogue. The spy quickly conjured up a couple of comebacks. "I will be awaiting you, she-wolf. I suggest you turn tail and flee," the spy retorted, tilting her head, looking directly into the Rogue's eyes. The Rogue was doing exactly what the spy had expected-shape shifting. If everything happened as planned, her ambush would be able to trap the she-wolf's entire pack. The Rogue was turning into a colossal, matted wolf that almost seemed to resemble the sky itself. The spy was petrified; she could no longer shroud her inner emotion.

A cold smile was tugging at the spy's lips as she glared back at the wolf.

Hello!
Overall, the story is really interesting! I've never seen a horse riding shape shifter. XD
However, there were some grammar mistakes. "It's" is a contraction of "it is." The possessive form of "it" is "its." When a new character speaks it starts a new paragraph (so two different paragraphs shouldn't have two separate characters speaking.) Also, after dialogue, there should not be a period. For example: "'Take a step closer, and you'll be leaderless.' Echo declared." Should be: "'Take a step closer, and you'll be leaderless," Echo declared." See the comma instead of the period? (Does not apply to interrogative and interjection sentences.)
Besides the grammar, this is a really cool story!