Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Hmm...now I'm not quite sure if this is meant to be its own story or if its part of a bigger something, but it certainly sounds like how you would expect something like a prologue to sound here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

This feeling is exquisite! I’m at the top of the world. I am rolling down the hill just thinking about the coming time. I am flying for sure! You could just see the wings that have rooted out from my back – all white and feathery. To only think that once again I can stop at nothing and nowhere would be my destination! Its amazing Roulin, isn’t it? I would be free at last. No roof on my head and no walls to root me to a single place – my shackles will be unbolted once more. And this time I wouldn’t return for the world. Ha! Free at last!

But it is sad that you wouldn’t be here, Roulin, to see my flight to freedom. You would be too busy tumbling down those alleyways of hatred to think of anything. Oh! How I wish I could save you from those feelings! I tried and – thank goodness – you can’t blame me for it this time! I escaped without even thinking about it…you were just out of luck. But rest assured I’m really caring. I would never forget you. You may have been swallowed up in hatred and envy but your sacrifice did let me out of hell. It is true that I love you – and had all these years – but you can’t blame anyone for feeling ecstatic when being let out of a cage. It happens in humans and I told you, my humanity died the day I was born. Roulin this is my last gift for you.

After hours and hours of analysis here at the Awtbeyders' Laboratory, I have finally come up with my review for this piece, as promised.

I don't care if you say that this wasn't meant to be a flashfic. I will critique it as a flash fiction, for reasons you will find out later.

Disclaimer: Take everything I say with a grain of salt, no matter how harsh or flattering. Also, this review was a product of thorough analysis, so this review should be credible.

Anyways, let's get right into the news.

First sentence in, and I'm feeling exquisite as well. The way you started this flash fic on a grand note just captures the readers right off the bat. You just started a flashfic right.

For the rest of the first paragraph, I haven't any complaints, actually. It's just your main character describing the feeling of being free, and you described it well. It's just that your figures are speech are either not on point, or not the most appropriate. For example, walls don't "root" you to a single place. They encage you, more like. Also, you might want to use your punctuation to your advantage.

The next and last paragraph, is where it your piece truly shines. I believe the other reviews were just made on a whim, or not as thorough. Thus, they weren't able to decipher the beautiful story behind this prose poem.

Here is my theory/interpretation of the flashfic: Our main character was a very suicidal and miserable person, and Roulin was her lover (Roulin sounds like a guy's name). Rollin loved our main character so much, that he killed her when she asked him to. Realizing his grave mistake, Roulin then fell into depression (tumbling down the alleyways of hatred and envy) and attempted suicide to join our main character in the afterlife, but was caught in the act and stopped (You were just out of luck). And so, he was stuck in this hell.

The last lines:

"It happens in humans, and I told you, my humanity died the day I was born."

The latter part, where she says her humanity died the day she was born, is a metaphor she would often tell Roulin. It means her life was always miserable.

The former is a follow-up of the previous metaphor. It means she felt more human when she died.

The very last line:

"Roulin, this is my last gift for you."

I believe the "this" is referring to this piece (which is actually the main character's letter to Roulin). Rollin desperately wanted to be with her, so she left him with this "letter" before she finally went away for good.

I have to say, this piece is absolutely beeeyoootiful. I don't care if this wasn't meant to be a flashfic; this does everything a flashfic does! It contains the elements of a short story, and it tells a long-ass and artful story in just a few lines of words. On top of that, this is full of symbolisms that look baffling at first, but are deep once you get into it; a prose poem indeed!

Good sir/madame, you have my utmost respect. I hope to see more from you in the future.

Hey there! Akelia here! Time for a review!

First of all, this small story was pretty amazing! I really liked that in your opener for the story, you used an exclamation. That really draws readers in. I also liked they way that you described things so well, such as saying hell was a cage, and saying that he was "swallowed" up in hatred. These are very good adjectives!

Now for the nit-pics. The only thing I noticed was what GreatKing said, about using the apostrophe. Besides that, you did a really good job! Anyways, really liked the story!

Never stop writing,

-Akelia Taske

Hello ello there, I'm here to review this piece of narrative (Flash fiction, son). Let's begin shall we?

It's interesting how you portray freedom. From what I see, this is the relate of someone saying goodbye to a loved one after a life of slavery. Of course one can find much deeper meanings to this, but (imo) primal is better here. In this piece, one can really see how does the MC feel about finally escaping, one can see its primal need of liberty and how it overcame all feelings and emotions she had for Roulin. By the way, odd name that you chose, I mean, in FF it's better to go with easy or signifying names, depends on the story, this name isn't kind on the tongue. I advise you to revise that.

Oh there's a contradiction in the ending.
" you can’t blame anyone for feeling ecstatic when being let out of a cage. It happens in humans and I told you, my humanity died the day I was born."
The MC was feeling ecstasy, yet she said only humans can feel it and that her humanity died, thus she shouldn't be feeling that way. I see what you tried to do, but please reword that, it is contradictory.

Overall, good piece
Keep writing

Before I start with my review, let me ask an important question.

Was this meant to be a flash fiction?

King Here
Hello there.
First of all, Kaneki feels totally caught around you.
For the work of yours I can honestly say that I have no idea who that Roulin may be out of it all but it does not matter that much as the topic and feelings that you had put into the message towards him. I like the desription of the light white wings that lets you fly away from these problems. I have one or two things to ask or maybe correct only. I really love the innocence that can be felt from the way you show us how free you are out of the cage.

Its amazing Roulin, isn’t it?
Roulin this is my last gift for you.