In this world, we seek to retreat;
From the land to the shore, from the shore to the sky,
Like a pulsing ray of ravaging light.
The light which guides, the dark and grey,
The grey which clouds, the Mists of May.
Nay or naught? Drought begot!
Hope and mourning, lost like sterling.
If I could find, a way to wonder,
Through the clouds, of a mystic splendor.
Alas the rain falls, from the sky to the barren,
Charred hashes, of lashes warren-
Of water and light, hope and sight!
Spurting with hope, the wanderer surges,
Like wisps of smoke, a moment he splurges.
Yields he not, but to the fountain of mirth,
Pomp with joy, he basks with girth.
And down he goes, into the furrow of sorrow,
And up he weaves, like the blades of tomorrow.
Grass and greens, solemn retrieves,
Life and leisure, solace beseeched.
Like the tides of time - immortal youth,
Moves he always, like unwavering truth.
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140,706 Literary Works • 673,672 Reviews
Hi there!
Your poem has such vivid imagery and really draws me into the world you created. The need to go away, to find peace because of how hard you need to work to keep going and then just falling. The need to keep going and the natural area provides me with a sense of serenity. The destruction of hope and then it building it up again is what I find the poem to mean. I could be completely wrong though.
I hope to see more of your work and thank you for the beautiful piece.
You're welcome and thank you for the review.
Thing is I don't know quite how to structure poetry, so the structure falls in place with instinct. Kinda funny actually which makes me keep loving it and continue writing.
Hi jessiebear is rating a review. Ok Kaizenex I love the poem put I can't really sea and feel it. So I think you should ad a bit mare ascription into it. And it needs fall stops on some parts of the poem like (From the land to the shore, from the shore to the sky,) I think it can have a fall stop at the end and have some description in it of a ageampil (From the dry land to the shore, from the shore to the blue cloudy sky.) that is all I have to really got to say.
But over all I like it. But I hope I did not sound rood. But if you do not a grey with the review that is ok with me.
No, not at all. You weren't rude. Your review was insightful! I'll add descriptive imagery next time, no worries
Thank you for reviewing me and helping me out. 
Really good feedback. I was wondering about that. You just confirmed it for me. 
You are welcome.
this is beautiful really depressing for me because it reminds of how I feel sometimes. it flows perfectly like a river. so enlightening it makes you think a bit, well me at least I don't know about other people but. I can see this being a great piece. you have great wording and nice use of wear to put them to make this amazing. please do more work like this it was great to read thank you for making my day.
Thanks! I appreciate your kind words. They energize me to keep on writing poetry. Once upon a time my grandpa wrote poetry and I never knew about it so I get some inspiration from his life. That's what keeps me edging forward toward the realm of all poems.
THANK YOU! 
I will keep writing, you betcha! 