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141,285 Literary Works • 674,333 Reviews
DAMN....
It is the word of the day for me...
Great piece.... Very impressive...
Keep up the good work...
I love this- how you punctuated the last bits with "damn" and were so creative in your descriptions and andorbut-ing. Excellent piece altogether.
Some Nitpicks:
The descriptions of the adjectives seemed oddly specific to me in color and everything, and felt like they could have been more ambiguous. Which is weird. I never say stuff like that. But... I feel like they're too limited if they're all the adjectives. Just my opinion though.
I think the dash after "nouns" might be better as a comma.
And in the parantheses, Oh damn, the adjectives escaped part, I was wondering where they escaped to. We know they were already loose in the kitchen- did they leave the house completely?
Anyways- done. Those are really, really minor things, and I'd like to say, again, that I loved this. Excellent job, as usual.
-Coral-