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by Kaitlin

Published December 27, 2010

In Poetry

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Comments & reviews · 4
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fiction903
Review
fiction903 wrote a review Review · Dec 27, 2010

Welcome to YWS. I am Fiction here to do a review. Your poem was very good. I would try to explain why the mother left her family in the farm. Your poem was well organized and contained vivid descriptions.

because your cornstalks call,
tall and blonde and resilient
(what I am not)
against a sky blue like the veins
that map the undersides of your wrists
in the half-light of the kitchen lamps.
This was my favorite stanza.
(spit twice at the beginning of the
harvest,
plant the first bloated seed by
hand)
I would change this because it looks messy. In the rest of the poem you only placed short thoughts into captions. Hopefully my review helps you. Remember that you have to give reviews to get reviews.

occasionalpessimist wrote a review Review · Dec 27, 2010

This poem was simply amazing. i loved it. Do keep writing.
And don't listen to whoever just posted above this, they don't know what they're talking about.

This poem was well felt, well written, and the stuff within the hyphens added to its awesomeness.
- Alexandra

P.S. Welcome to the Young Writer's Society. I'm a month and three days younger than you, but you're newer, yes? Welcome. :)

User avatar
vstarfirix
Comment
vstarfirix commented Comment · Dec 27, 2010

Dear Kaitlin,

Your narrative poem is excellent, but I do think that you could do a little better. And try and make it easier for people to understand what your talking about. Stay on the topic, too.

Keep reading and reviewing!

vstarfirix



See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. Ask for no guarantees, ask for no security.
— Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451