z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Painted: 1.0.8

by Kaila


Chapter 8

When Kassi woke up in her bed the next morning, her body ached from sleeplessness. The prophecy was still clutched in her sweaty hands, but somehow she felt she couldn't look at it again. She needed something to take her overwhelmed mind off Exspecto Locus.

Gradually, Kassi extracted herself from the bed and stood on shaky legs. The house greeted her, familiarly creaky as it always. She picked up her phone and tapped a couple times.

want to hang out today? she texted Jame.

It took only a few moments for him to respond. sure! do you want to come over to my place now?

yeah! Kassi texted. see u in a few

She wedged the phone in her back pocket, checked her curls in the small mirror that hung on the wall, and then set off.

* * * * *

"Madam," Jame bowed as Kassi walked through the front door of his house.

"Thank you, Sir!" Kassi curtsied and giggled.

"What brings you to the residence today?" he asked, his countenance still stately.

"Why, you invited me yourself, did you not?"

"I did indeed!" he exclaimed. "Oh, how my memory suffers these days!"

"It appears to be so, as you have also forgotten to comb your hair as of this morning, and it is all mussed. Such a duke as yourself ought to at least look presentable!"

"Wait, hold on," Jame held out his hand. "So I'm a duke now? I thought I was a count."

Kassi scratched her chin. "Is there a difference?"

There was a pause.

"Well!" Jame said. "No matter what I am, I am so very sorry that I am not presentable enough for your majesty!"

"What is going on in here?" Viata turned the corner and gave the two of them a weird look. Both Jame and Kassi burst out laughing. Viata rolled her eyes and moved on.

Once she was gone, Jame asked, "Do you want to go to my room?"

"Sure," Kassi said and followed him up the stairs.

Jame's bedroom hadn't changed much in the years Kassi had known him. His old paintings had been replaced with new ones and the legos were gone, but those were possibly the largest differences. His walls were still the same calming dark blue color, and the beautiful, silhouetted forest landscape that Viata had painted for him remained. The furniture was also mostly the same; a desk had been added three years ago, but that was it.

Kassi seated herself in his office chair and did a couple of quick spins in it. Jame sat himself on the edge of his bed and pulled out his pocket knife from his belt, along with a small piece of half-carved wood. Absentmindedly, Jame's hands began working away at the wood with the pocket knife.

"So what's going on with you lately?" he asked her.

Kassi spun in another circle and laughed. "Ooh, because it's been sooo long since we've seen each other!"

"Hey! A lot can happen in one day. Have you had any other weird dreams?"

Kassi stopped spinning. Jame's presence had been making her forget. Now it all came rushing back. "No," she lied. "No other weird dreams."

"So you haven't had any dreams at all?"

Kassi shook her head. She really didn't want to lie to Jame, but if she told him... how could he not think she was crazy?

Jame's eyes were searching hers, and it hurt to look into them after she had just lied. She looked away.

"You know I would never judge you, even it was really crazy." He knew she had lied.

"I know."

There was a pause, and Jame waited hopefully for her to say more. But Kassi couldn't admit her experiences to Jame before she admitted them to herself.

"Do you want to do some painting?" Jame asked, resigned.

"Okay." Kassi didn't really want to, but at least it would break the awkwardness she had created.

Jame pulled out two fresh canvases, brushes, and some paint. They sat the canvases down on two easels, each chose a brush, and began to paint.

After a couple minutes, Jame noted, "You're painting a landscape."

Kassi nodded. Even though painting people was her strong point, she felt she couldn't do that anymore. Thankfully Jame never painted people, either.

"What made you decide to mix it up?" he asked.

"I don't know." Kassi shrugged. "I just thought it would be fun to try something new."

Jame peered skeptically over at her rather lumpy mountain. It definitely wasn't a masterpiece.

Their short conversation subsided into silence, and each of them concentrated deeply on their own paintings. The sound of Jame's steady breaths calmed Kassi, and soon enough the hubbub in her thoughts had been ameliorated. Confusion remained, of course, but it had been set aside for the time being.

Jame made a joke about her mountain looking like a stubby little gnome and Kassi laughed. It did sort of look like a gnome, now that she thought about it.

"Well, your tree looks like a gopher!"

"Wo there!" Jame held out his hands. He was trying hard to laugh, but his eyes still danced. "Where'd you get that idea?"

Kassi giggled. "I don't even know."

Eventually they returned to painting again. When they did, a smile remained splayed on Kassi's lips.

* * * * *

Jame had abandoned his own painting a long time ago. Now he watched Kassi as she squinted her eyes at the canvas, moving her brush expertly in soft strokes of color, oblivious to his eyes on her. She reached up to tuck a red curl behind her ear, revealing her face to him.

Jame could remember a time when her whole face was splattered with freckles. Now, her complexion had softened to a smoother texture, though a few freckles still dotted her cheeks and nose. Her lips were lighter, her eyebrows more serious, her hair longer. But her eyes... her beautiful, deep brown eyes... they were still the same.

They called Kassi dispassionate. They knew nothing. She had so much passion—so much passion that she didn't even know she held. And yet, at the same time, she was realistic and rational. She was so balanced, and she was the one person who could pass that balance onto Jame. His life was so mixed up; he was in no way grounded... except when we was with her. When Jame was with Kassi, everything changed. When Jame was with Kass, everything evened out.

Kassi noticed him staring at her and he gave her a smile, quickly picking up his brush again.


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766 Reviews


Points: 650
Reviews: 766

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Tue May 24, 2016 5:14 pm
Brigadier wrote a review...



Hey there Kaila. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.

Note before I begin my review, I have not read any of the previous chapters for the sake of time. I have a pretty good idea what is going on but still some questions. Also, sorry this chapters had to sit in the Green Room for so long. I'm here to rescue it now.

When Kassi woke up in her bed the next morning, her body ached from sleeplessness.

-At first, I wasn't sure of sleeplessness but I think it does need to be changed. It's just such an odd word and it doesn't fit well with the somewhat informal tone created. Perhaps just go with the definition, lack of sleep.

want to hang out today? she texted Jame.

It took only a few moments for him to respond. sure! do you want to come over to my place now?

yeah! Kassi texted. see u in a few

She wedged the phone in her back pocket, checked her curls in the small mirror that hung on the wall, and then set off.

-I think you just need to play around with the texts a bit and separate them from the other lines. It would be even better if they were in bold or italics.
-I reordered the first text just so you can see what I mean.
She dashed off a quick text to Jame.
Want to hang out today?

See the difference here.
-Even though these are texts and you can use text talk, this is another reason to separate the texts from the actions. That way it doesn't appear as if your writing will be riddled with text talk and slang.

That intro conversation between Jame and Kassi was a bit awkward but I believe that was the purpose. It was just two old friends who hadn't talked for awhile, trying to relax back into the norm. From further reading I found explanations for their hesitance and covering feelings. I might need to read the previous chapters but I'll try and read the remaining chapters. I spotted two more chapters in the green room.

Jame's bedroom hadn't changed much in the years Kassi had known him. His old paintings had been replaced with new ones and the legos were gone, but those were possibly the largest differences. His walls were still the same calming dark blue color, and the beautiful, silhouetted forest landscape that Viata had painted for him remained. The furniture was also mostly the same; a desk had been added three years ago, but that was it.

-'possibly the largest differences' doesn't work right for me because there is doubt is Kassi's thoughts. Like there is some underlying difference that no one wants to talk about but everyone knows is there. If you make it a sure thing, then the mysterious difference can be saved for later and won't be introduced too quickly. I'm guessing you were aiming for more than ten chapters. The underlying ideas sort of rushes the chapter along too quickly. If you wanted the quicker pace, you may still want to remove it to make the final event even more mysterious.

Absentmindedly, Jame's hands began working away at the wood with the pocket knife.

-I really don't think the comma is necessary here. You are starting to describe an action of a character but then we pause. The pause stops thought and then the reader has to start again. Definitely isn't needed.

So the story has a very sweet underlying mood to it. It's obvious Jame cares for Kassi but he doesn't seem to be very good at expressing. That's a pretty normal idea for stories and a little overused. Just be careful when developing the plot further.

Well that's about all I have for today. Sorry if I couldn't offer anymore comments extremely useful pieces of advice that should be taken completely seriously.
Have a nice day.
Lizzy
The Goddess of Math




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Points: 365
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Tue Mar 15, 2016 12:23 am
Archerstone64 wrote a review...



I liked the story it was awesome, I really how explicit you were with the settings. Ya know i had to wright reviews for a class assignment but I am glad i stumbled upon this story. I think the sequel will be great a romance or fantasy. The only thing i wonder about is whether you could go deeper into these "strange" dreams.





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