Never Ask a Writer This...

Hi! Carrot here, commenting on a masterpiece. I really love this poetry, and trust me when I say this could be considerer publishing- It’s a sweet and funny little poetry, easily making you grin.

“Describe your crush, you say.
My eyes move to him
In his corner of the gym.
He looks dirty. That's okay.”

I really like the start! It makes the readers hooked to continue, and it rhymes perfectly!

“He doesn't speak.
His favorite thing is snacks.
That, and an undisturbed nap.
He has a mean streak.”

Ooh, I see what you have here. You rhyme the first and last sentences, but reading it at first seems a bit out of place. It’s sort of sudden to me, but maybe it’s because I’ve never really had any experiences with poetry. Still, I got to know about the “he” you’re talking about, and it gives him a personality.

"But he's the cutest little dude.
Four fuzzy pink paws
Two beady black eyes
One fluffy little tail
Two needle-like teeth
Oh, he's just begging for food."

Aww, I can already imagine it bit by bit. The way you described it made my heart melt. I can see that this has six sentences, rather than four. But it’s an important part nevertheless. Maybe you can break it apart, and add more to it? But if you don’t, I don’t see any difference that it would make,

"Describe your crush.
Again? Okay, your call.
My eyes move to the wall.
My imagination is the brush."

I like how there is someone requesting a description of your crush. And the poetry unfolds with it. It makes the readers understand why you’re talking about your crush.

"He's quiet, sweet, and kind.
He's seventeen-not a man.
Refuge he cannot find,
From the evil things I plan."

You have switched up the rhyme lines again, but now it seems to flow a lot better.

"He's my purple gemstone.
Purple streak in soft black hair
Prettiest brown eyes, I will dare.
He and me, we're never alone."

This chunk is especially important to this poetry, as it shows what treasure is he to you. How important he is to you, and how much you connect.

"No, I don't need a real crush. 
Me, my hamster, and imagination. 
We're close enough to that sensation.
I don't need that romantic rush."

At the end, you realize that you don’t need a real crush after all, and that all you need is what you already have; your cute little hamster, and your wild imagination. This is a perfect conclusion, and it seems very real.

Overall, this is a fun poetry, and it’s not a wonder why I read it over and over again. It feels satisfying to read, and you should definitely be proud of your work!

Hey Kaia,

Ellie here with a quick review! I read your piece yesterday and loved it, so I decided to come back and leave you a review. This is the first one I've done in a little while, so please pardon my lack of words.

Anyways, lets get right into it:

"Describe your crush, you say.
My eyes move to him
In his corner of the gym.
He looks dirty. That's okay."

I love the simple statements you make. He looks dirty. That's okay. I am also a writer who loves using simple statements to express how I feel. I find that when I am writing about things that are hard or confusing, writing simple truths or beliefs allows me to start that creative process and express some of how I feel. This first part of your poem shows me a distance. He is in his part of the gym. He is not with me. He is away. Does he know that I am even here? I am observing him. He probably doesn't know this.

"He doesn't speak.
His favorite thing is snacks."

"But he's the cutest little dude.
Four fuzzy pink paws"

You really got me, Kaia! My mind was thinking that this poem was about a boy... but I realized that it's not, haha! Now I'm thinking, what is special about this animal friend? Who is he and what is his story?

"He's my purple gemstone.
Purple streak in soft black hair"

I love this whole paragraph. It is incredibly descriptive and I feel like I knew what Rigo looked like even before I looked at his picture more closely.

I love the last paragraph!!!! "Me, my hamster, and imagination." So clever! I love all the descriptive words you used in this poem. I love how you described Rigo. I was sure this poem was going to be about a boy until the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Have a great day!!!!
-Ellie