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Taken (2)

by KaeRae88


This is a continuation of a previous piece I have written. To look at the first go to my folders and you will find it in the one called 'Taken'. I hope you enjoy~

 NOW

Day 121 of being trapped with the man who kidnapped me. It feels sort of like a fantasy movie. The girl gets taken by a guy unexpectedly who saves her life when she doesn’t quite know it yet. Now I know. But how many people would do anything when they are at the edge of a cliff ready to jump and end it all. Don’t get it yet? It will all make sense in a little bit.

THEN

I rolled onto my side, smelling pancakes being cooked in the distance. I smiled thinking that mom must finally be cooking again. When she gets stressed, she doesn’t cook. And then the weight of yesterday’s events hit me, and it almost felt like a physical fist hitting me in the head. It throbs then, only adding to my anxiety.

I slowly open my eyes, expecting to see a dungeon of some sort. Instead, a pale blue room swims into view. A huge panda plushie sitting in the corner of the room. It is sort of a cute space, I silently admit. I look around. No windows, and the door is shut. I pray it’s not locked.

I should have known that even though it isn’t a bad room, he still won’t give me the opportunity to escape. A prisoner, not a guest, I decide. I look around to find something to defend myself with. I find a pair of scissors, sitting on the little desk to one side of the door. On the desk there are a bunch of notes in a language I can’t read. Spanish, I think.

I take a deep breath and walk over to the door. I’m bouncing on my toes ready to burst through the door and fight off whoever is outside when it suddenly opens. Standing there is the guy from yesterday, his green eyes wide. I hesitate.

That is apparently all the advantage he needs. He balances the tray he is holding in one hand, and the other quickly moves to my hand with the scissors. I gasp thinking is going to take my only weapon away, but instead his hand just rests there, enfolding my fingers.

I look from our hands to his face and back again. I am secretly surprised he hasn’t hurt me yet. What if he did when I was out? I look down to my body quickly, doing a full scan. Still me, no scars or marks. A new shirt and skirt though. My cheeks flame as my mind goes to his hands on me.

My eyes flick up to his again and I say, “what do you want with me?”

My voice is shaky and raspy, sounding like I haven’t used it in days. How long has gone by anyway?

“To protect you” he says simply.

“Excuse me? I don’t want your protection, nor do I need it. In fact, you were the one that hurt me in the first place and took me away from my family. Where are we anyway?” I ramble.

I really don’t want to hear his voice, and just then, I remember his hand is still on mine. His hands are soft, and they look like he has been working in a garden his whole life. I jerk it away. I don’t like feeling and thinking these things.

Instead of answering my question, he just drops his hand and says weakly, “pancakes are ready. I left the orange juice on the counter. If you feel like eating, I can walk you there.”

I can almost hear my stomach growl in response. He turns abruptly, letting me decide whether to follow him or stay. At least he lets me make my own choices. My parents… abruptly I decide to follow him. I can’t think of them right now, and it is better to eat to get my strength up. Assuming he hasn’t drugged the food.

Maybe I can get some answers out of him. We walk along a narrow hallway, and I look in some of the doors as we pass. Most of them are like the room I was just in, light blue walls and a decent-sized bed in the middle. All of them are empty though.

My heart sinks. There goes any chance I have of calling out to someone for help. A left turn, and then a right, and we come across two big doors at the end of the hallway. He turns back then. He runs green eyes over me once more, and I have a feeling that he is trying to see into my soul before he opens the set of double doors.

A gasp escapes me and all of a sudden, I feel faint. What I thought would be a dining room is instead a huge open area with a small table. Nothing to be scared of, except for the fact that there are no walls. And if you look past that, nothing but miles and miles of ocean. We are on a boat. With no one to rescue me.

To be continued


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Fri Jun 07, 2024 5:24 am
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ToastK wrote a review...



Hi, Toast here! (Yes I’m kinda late to reading this but I’ve been really busy—tests yknow) I finally got some downtime to read your story and let’s dive in shall we?

First of all, I really love the way you continued the story from the first part. It’s a bit shorter and the story is directed to the readers instead of him.
The transition has allowed for more classical story telling architectures to be used and you did well with it!

Now, for the story itself, and some quotes ig.

I smiled thinking that mom must finally be cooking again. When she gets stressed, she doesn’t cook. And then the weight of yesterday’s events hit me, and it almost felt like a physical fist hitting me in the head.

I really like this opening line. It builds up hope and breaks it, intensifying and highlighting the current situation that our main character’s in.

I gasp thinking is going to take my only weapon away, but instead his hand just rests there, enfolding my fingers.

This is the deciding sentence where we realize that there’s more to the man’s character than just the first chapter, and that he might not be as evil as he seems… which makes it all the more unfortunate that you forgot (probably, idk it might be intentional but,) the pronoune in this sentence.
I gasp thinking that he is going to take my only weapon away, but instead his hand just rests there, enfolding my fingers.

Adding just these two words would have made this an even more impactful sentence than it already is. But hey, even spell check messes up, so don’t sweat over it.


I look down to my body quickly, doing a full scan. Still me, no scars or marks. A new shirt and skirt though. My cheeks flame as my mind goes to his hands on me.

I don’t know if you meant to write this as comical relief, but it felt like it, and it was nice to slightly deviate and lighten up from this all around mysterious situation.

All in all, apart from a couple of grammatical errors, it would seem that this was a nice continuation to the first story and we seem to be getting alot more depth to not just the characters, but the background as well, as it!s revealed to us that they’re in the middle of the ocean.
I also can’t help but really enjoy your writing style as it feels very similar to mine (I promise this is a compliment. I’m a good writer.. right? haha;;; ) and this makes the stories all the more intriguing for me.
I can’t wait for the next part and next time, and have a nice rest of your day!
Happy writing! :D




KaeRae88 says...


Hey toast! Haha thank you for the review and for correcting my mistakes. I will definitely go back and edit the parts I don%u2019t notice there were mistakes



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Sun Jun 02, 2024 11:36 pm
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well this is quite the little follow up here to that kidnapping. Its definitely building on nicely on our kidnapper here and what kind of intentions he may or may not have. Certainly a great follow up here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Day 121 of being trapped with the man who kidnapped me. It feels sort of like a fantasy movie. The girl gets taken by a guy unexpectedly who saves her life when she doesn’t quite know it yet. Now I know. But how many people would do anything when they are at the edge of a cliff ready to jump and end it all. Don’t get it yet? It will all make sense in a little bit.


Hmm that doesn't seem like what the plan was given the initially kidnapping that we saw, it certainly more like he was ready to cause quite a few bits of harm there, but we'll see how this manages to play out here. It looks like there's quite story here to get to this point.

I rolled onto my side, smelling pancakes being cooked in the distance. I smiled thinking that mom must finally be cooking again. When she gets stressed, she doesn’t cook. And then the weight of yesterday’s events hit me, and it almost felt like a physical fist hitting me in the head. It throbs then, only adding to my anxiety.

I slowly open my eyes, expecting to see a dungeon of some sort. Instead, a pale blue room swims into view. A huge panda plushie sitting in the corner of the room. It is sort of a cute space, I silently admit. I look around. No windows, and the door is shut. I pray it’s not locked.


Hmm well this is quite the start. Not your typical torture area but definitely seems to be fairly viable for quite a range of kidnappers so you really can't come to too many conclusions any time soon here.

I should have known that even though it isn’t a bad room, he still won’t give me the opportunity to escape. A prisoner, not a guest, I decide. I look around to find something to defend myself with. I find a pair of scissors, sitting on the little desk to one side of the door. On the desk there are a bunch of notes in a language I can’t read. Spanish, I think.

I take a deep breath and walk over to the door. I’m bouncing on my toes ready to burst through the door and fight off whoever is outside when it suddenly opens. Standing there is the guy from yesterday, his green eyes wide. I hesitate.

That is apparently all the advantage he needs. He balances the tray he is holding in one hand, and the other quickly moves to my hand with the scissors. I gasp thinking is going to take my only weapon away, but instead his hand just rests there, enfolding my fingers.


Hmmm well this is an interesting move to make. Breaking a whole arm does not suggest gentleness at all, so these moves are immediately suspicious especially given our girl here is not in a great mental headspace and might be susceptible to being manipulated with nice things.

I look from our hands to his face and back again. I am secretly surprised he hasn’t hurt me yet. What if he did when I was out? I look down to my body quickly, doing a full scan. Still me, no scars or marks. A new shirt and skirt though. My cheeks flame as my mind goes to his hands on me.

My eyes flick up to his again and I say, “what do you want with me?”

My voice is shaky and raspy, sounding like I haven’t used it in days. How long has gone by anyway?

“To protect you” he says simply.


Well that seems a little forward there especially given it looks like this guy just went ahead and changed her too while she was out. That is sending all kinds of alarm bells all kinds of places here.

“Excuse me? I don’t want your protection, nor do I need it. In fact, you were the one that hurt me in the first place and took me away from my family. Where are we anyway?” I ramble.

I really don’t want to hear his voice, and just then, I remember his hand is still on mine. His hands are soft, and they look like he has been working in a garden his whole life. I jerk it away. I don’t like feeling and thinking these things.

Instead of answering my question, he just drops his hand and says weakly, “pancakes are ready. I left the orange juice on the counter. If you feel like eating, I can walk you there.”


Hm the lack of answer there is definitely a little telling there in terms of how his true intentions might be when presented with those pressing questions there. Let's see what the decision here is going to be regarding the food.

I can almost hear my stomach growl in response. He turns abruptly, letting me decide whether to follow him or stay. At least he lets me make my own choices. My parents… abruptly I decide to follow him. I can’t think of them right now, and it is better to eat to get my strength up. Assuming he hasn’t drugged the food.

Maybe I can get some answers out of him. We walk along a narrow hallway, and I look in some of the doors as we pass. Most of them are like the room I was just in, light blue walls and a decent-sized bed in the middle. All of them are empty though.


Well it certainly looks like its not a typical house by any means, there's just a bit too much bareness to it, it seems specifically designed to prevent someone being able to get outside help which is never a good sign at all.

My heart sinks. There goes any chance I have of calling out to someone for help. A left turn, and then a right, and we come across two big doors at the end of the hallway. He turns back then. He runs green eyes over me once more, and I have a feeling that he is trying to see into my soul before he opens the set of double doors.

A gasp escapes me and all of a sudden, I feel faint. What I thought would be a dining room is instead a huge open area with a small table. Nothing to be scared of, except for the fact that there are no walls. And if you look past that, nothing but miles and miles of ocean. We are on a boat. With no one to rescue me.


Welp yup that is most definitely a terrifying revelation. He's really pulling out some interesting stops here to make this happen. I'm definitely not buying any of that without any kind of proof or explanation so for now a dangerous little moment to end on here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall I think that's quite nicely done there, it really comes in and showcases exactly what this aftermath has been and sets it up quite nicely. Looking forward to seeing where this is going next.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate

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KaeRae88 says...


Hey Kate! Thanks for the review! I%u2019m still working on the next part but hopefully soon it will be up ~




I have hated words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right.
— Markus Zusak, The Book Thief