Janae Verret -
A young college student, (she is the popular girl of her college) has many friends (everyone likes her because she is kind and helpful) but one enemy, Hayden Jessen Walter.
Devin Roman -
Devin, Janae's best friend (plays a very important role to annoy her).
Hayden Jessen Walter -
He is cool (that's what he thinks he is), rich, bossy and the bad boy of the college (think twice before messing with him) and lastly Janae's one and only enemy.
Camilla Grayson -
She is also a popular girl (she is the pick me girl), she hates Janae and drools over Hayden (what the - fruits) she bullies many students (except a few people everyone else hates her).
Jayford Jessen Walter -
Hayden's brother but not at all like him (the best thing), he is Janae's good friend (but for Janae he is not just friend, he is her crush).
Ms. Isla Lana -
She is the best teacher ever, for Janae, Ms. Isla is her safe zone (her suggestions are always the best).
-----
Scene 4 - Friendship begins
(after a few hours the CCTV footage was discovered, Janae was sent back home, she was still unconscious. Devin's anger was on its peak, Jayford was also angry on his brother. Hayden got to know about Janae's condition then, he enters Ms. Isla's office.)
Hayden- Yes, you...called me? (as soon as Hayden enters the office he sees, Devin, Jayford and Ms. Isla are super angry.)
Ms. Isla- Hayden how could you stoop so low? Your 'fun revenge' could've taken Janae's life. (says angrily)
(Devin comes in front of Hayden and punches his face, Hayden falls down on the floor. Devin pinned Hayden on the floor and started beating him up. Hayden's lips were bleeding but still he didn't protest because he knew he deserved it. Ms. Isla and Jayford somehow separated Devin, away from Hayden.)
Devin- How could you Hayden? I just told you what phobia she has that night because I thought you want to be caring towards her and take care of those parameters when you prank her next time, but you...! Shame on you!
(Devin calms down after a few minutes, Jayford walks up to Hayden)
Jayford- Hayden, Mother and Father are going to arrive in sometime, Ms. Isla called them because of what you did to Janae, you are going to get suspended for a few days. Hayden I am really disappointed, I did not expect this.
(Hayden's parents arrive, they talk to the principal and after that they come out, Hayden and Jayford were waiting outside.)
Mr. Walter- (walks up to Hayden) Hayden I have talked to the principal, with me being the member of the board, you are not going to get suspended. (Slaps him on his right cheek!) But what you did is sort of a black stain on our family, you are the black sheep of our family. (Goes out with Mrs. Walter)
Jayford- Are you okay?
(Hayden angrily (embarrassed) walks out of the college. After a week Janae recovers, now she enters the college with her best friend Devin, as soon as she enters she sees Camilla, Hayden, Ms. Isla, Jayford and few other students standing in front of the entrance waiting for her. Ms. Isla indicates that Janae has arrived, all the students waiting for her straighten up.)
All together- Welcome back Janae!
Hayden and Camilla- We are sorry Janae.
Jayford and Ms. Isla- We missed you so much!
Janae- Thank you so much guys, its ok I forgive you Camilla, but you (points at Hayden) I have to talk to you.
(Janae drags Hayden to a corner, the bell rings, all the students gradually disappear going in their classes to attend their classes. Janae holds Hayden by his collar, she is super angry.)
Janae- I hate you Hayden! I thought this was just a cat and mouse game but you went too far.
Hayden- I am very sorry Janae, I'll do anything to make it up, but please understand, I didn't want any of these things to happen, I didn't know the consequences.
(Days pass by, Hayden does his best to make it up, Janae is annoyed by Hayden but she notices how much efforts he is putting to make it up to her, so she forgives him.)
Janae to Hayden- Ok I forgive you, now stop doing these little acts of yours.
Hayden- Really! Thank you! (hugs her) Now on we are friends not enemies. (brings his hand forward to shake)
(Janae takes his hand and shakes.)
Janae- Ok friend!
-----
Will they just be friends?
Think more yourself.
The END of the series.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hey there KaavyaK, Icy here for a quick review! I haven't read any of the parts before this, but I'm hoping I can still make sense of what's going on here.
I like the characterisations upfront. I hope these things come through in the actual body of the work too, as a lot of the time these are not necessarily acting notes so an audience should be able to see them in the words!
The same goes for these kinds of things:
Is this a summary of what happened in the last part, or an explanation of what happens between part three and this one? If it's the latter, given this is a script, think about how you might show it on stage. Is this something a narrator would say, or do we see snapshots of the scenes?
Watch your tenses here. If you're going with present tense (which is usual for screenplay directions) then it should read as follows:
(Devin comes in front of Hayden and punches his face, Hayden falls down on the floor. Devin pins Hayden on the floor and starts beating him up. Hayden's lips are bleeding but still he doesn't protest because he knows he deserves it. Ms. Isla and Jayford somehow separate Devin, away from Hayden.)
A lot of the story seems to happen in the stage direction, so it's hard to envisage what an audience might see. There's not so much in the speech, so I'd consider if you want to turn this into prose instead of a script.
Hope this was helpful!
Icy
Thank you Iggy!
Hello KaavyaK! Dropping by to give you a review using the YWS'mores Method. I have not read the other parts of this story, so I will do my best to provide feedback based on this part alone. I like that you included an introduction to the characters before the story began!
The Top Graham Cracker Layer: I haven't read a script in quite a while! I am excited to see what you have written. Judging by the character introductions and the title of this script, I am assuming that this will be a classic "enemies to lovers" trope and thath Janae and Hayden are going to realize that they secretly love each other.
The Slightly Burnt Marshmallow Layer: Here is where I will list any grammatical errors and nitpicks I might have.
A few things here. First, you have a lot of run-on sentences here. Instead of using so many commas, you should be using periods or semicolons.
Second, I think you meant -- "A few hours after the CCTV footage was discovered"
This seems a bit awkward. Using the word "parameters" here doesn't really work. Instead, you could say something along the lines of -- "I thought you wanted to be mindful of her phobia and take care to avoid triggering her when you pranked her"
This does not seem very likely to me. It's hard to believe that a grown man, in this day and age, is going to slap his teenage son right in front of the principal of the school. This would not happen.
You need to be spelling everything out when writing -- it's okay*
The Gooey Chocolatey Layer: It's nice to see that Janae is willing to overlook what happened with Hayden and try to be his friend, and it's nice to see that Hayden felt remorseful for how far his prank went. Since you tell us to guess the ending for ourselves, I believe that these two did end up becoming good friends and perhaps even a couple, as the title would lead readers to believe.
The Bottom Graham Cracker Layer: With that said, I agree with Icy that this reads more like prose than an actual script. I also want to remind you that you should be rereading your writing. Us reviewers are always happy to provide you with some feedback but if a bulk of our reviewing is focused on correcting your spelling and punctuation, there will be less feedback provided on the story itself, such as the plot, the character development, etc. You could easily avoid this by rereading your own writing and finding these mistakes to fix.
I hope this review provided you with some help!
~ Iggy
Thank you Icy!