Hai :3
I'm back!! This part is juicy!! The prank war is totally escalating, but it’s turning against Janae in the most unexpected way. I didn't see that coming!!
Hayden getting glued to the chair is a classic Janae move!! It’s such a fun twist on the prank war, and the whole build-up with the favorite color game was clever. Then, the fact that it backfires on Janae when all the girls start admiring Hayden was shocking ~~ Perfect drama!! You nailed that moment where her plan to embarrass him totally flips. It’s like, you think she’s winning, but nope, Hayden ends up unintentionally stealing the spotlight!! That's a common theme, isn't it?
Hayden’s reaction to being glued to the chair could be a bit more drawn out though!! Right now, he realizes what’s happening pretty quickly, but maybe he should struggle more before catching on that it’s Janae’s doing. You could have him squirm a bit, maybe have his friends be like, “Dude, what’s going on?” before Janae starts laughing. I wish you let the tension build before the big reveal!! I imagine in real life, something like this would happen over a course of time. It's very basic to me!!
All the girls- Oh My God! We love the view!
!!! Like I said, this scene totally surprised me!!
I thought Janae had him cornered, but the girls flipping out over how hot he looks came out of nowhere. It's priceless!! It’s a nice twist that Janae’s plan backfired ~~ Like, it keeps the tension alive between them. Now, she’s the one feeling annoyed and embarrassed instead of him. That reversal is gold!! It adds even more to their dynamic, and I'm loving the beef they have going on!! They're both shaping up to be unique characters, especially with Janae's snappy remarks!!
^^^ Speaking of characters, Hayden's feels very generic and almost bland to me. You can only read so many stereotypically hot guys before they end up meshing together!! While it’s funny that all the girls are swooning over him, it feels a bit sudden. You could make it more playful by having them react slowly, like a collective "ohhh," then have them start whispering and giggling!! I'm not sure how that would happen realistically, but I think that's a better alternative. It doesn't come off as natural!!
Hayden to Janae- I am not going to let this slide.
The anticipation is killing me !!!
A cliffhanger ending is so perfect for this!! This part really brings the drama and keeps the prank war alive in the best way!! I especially like the ending and all of the suspense you're building. You’re doing such a great job balancing the humor and rivalry, and I can’t wait to see where things go from here!! I wonder how the revenge plot will end up culminating in the next part. Good job!!
- Payton
Points: 9493
Reviews: 75
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