Young Writers Society

Hai :3

This is so much fun!! I’m loving the dynamic between Janae and Hayden right away!! The drama, the pranks, the little sneaky tension building up are super entertaining. You’ve got strong, clear descriptions of the characters, but maybe for Hayden, you could show a bit more of why he thinks he’s cool. Like, does he do something extra cringe-worthy that he thinks is so awesome? That’d add a hilarious touch!! A tiny hint of conflicted feelings would make him even juicier as an antagonist too.

Similarly, I love that Janae is cool under pressure when Hayden pranks her, and then she flips the script by tossing water on him!! It's a great way to show that she's not going to be pushed around, even by the so-called "bad boy" of the college. That’s a power move!! Hayden being all bossy and cocky adds to the vibe perfectly, but Janae handles him like a pro. Maybe you could give more insight into her softer, more vulnerable side though!! We get a hint of it, but I want depth!!

Teacher (Ms. Isla)- Good morning students, Hayden care to explain why your shirt is soaked in water.
Hayden- None of your business.

Hello! Ley here to review this delightful work for you. Today, I’ll be using my 'Autumn-Themed Review Template'! We’ll begin with my initial impressions, then delve into the aspects that stood out like the vibrant hues of fall, and then get into the critiques. I hope you find this review insightful, and that you're enjoying the cozy charm of autumn, wherever you are in the world! Let’s dive in!

The First Signs of Autumn
Hello! I'll be reviewing all the parts that you have up so far of this awesome script. I just wanted to say, thank you for giving us explanations as to who these characters are before we started a scene. It really helped me understand why these two kept pranking each other. Now, let's get into the specifics!

A Golden Harvest
So far, my favorite thing about this script is Janae and Jayford's dynamic. Even though it's kind of vague, I actually enjoyed the scene with Janae, Jayford, and Hayden. It showed us what Jayford is like around his brother, and how it effects his mood. I'm going to do some foreshadowing here, but I feel like Janae will eventually end up dating Hayden? :3

Wilted Leaves and Crisp Critiques
I see some other reviewers commented on the run ons, so I won't mention that.

(After another tiring day, all the students head back to their homes. When Janae goes in the parking area to take her motor-bike, she sees her bike's back tire is punctured and she knows who did it.)

Hi Kaavya!! Pol here to review your story!

I would like to start this off by saying I believe this is a script and should probably be put in the script section, rather than the short story section. Just a suggestion, as I'm not sure it's of the utmost importance.

The index of characters was a nice touch, not something I see too often. I liked being able to see each character beforehand and get a little bit of their personality and quirks as it helped explain some of the later dialogue.

There are some minor punctuation problems such as

Ms. Isla- That's rude. Well students we should start our class.

Ms. Isla- That's rude. Well, students we should start our class.

(After another tiring day, all the students head back to their homes, when Janae goes in the parking area to take her motor-bike, she sees her bike's back tire is punctured she knows who did it.)

Hey, KaavyaK!

I'm Cheerio and I'm here to review your story. When I review I usually give three points (so that's what I'll do here) Before I start I have a few disclaimers:

1. By no means am I a professional when it comes to giving reviews.

2. I give my honest opinion/first reaction while remaining thoughtful to the author's feelings.

3. And I try my best to encourage the author!

Okay, let's get started!

Point 1: I love how you introduced us to the characters and their roles before the story gets started. It's been a while since I've seen something like that and I appreciate it. So big thumbs up on that.

Point 2: The next thing I noticed as I read was your writing style. I'm liking the script-style writing. Tbh I don't see this much, but I still like it.

Point 2.5: Love that all your characters have certain roles in the school. I'd like to this discuss Hayden. You described him as the bad boy of the school ( love that btw). The only thing I'll say is, when Ms. Isla asked him why his shirt was wet he should just say 'None of your business'. When he says 'Ms. Isla' at the end, it just feels a little too respectful of a bad boy. Y'know what I mean?


Point 3: In terms of grammar, I noticed a few things that I'll go over.

1. Hayden I will kill you for doing this! (messages/texts him) "Hayden you are going to regret, I will get my revenge from you this Sunday party".

I wouldn't use Hayden's name twice, during the first part of the sentence you mentioned his name so we already know who you're referring to. Secondly, I would say 'You're going to regret this, I will get my revenge on you this Sunday at the party'.

There were a couple places where 'I have' could've been 'I've'.

And that's all I have to say! Well done, I love the plot of this story and I'm going to leave it a like because I want to see where it goes.

Never stop writing

Practice makes permanence

God Bless you

Cheers!

~Cheerio