Standing Still

I liked reading this poem. Even though there wasn't a whole lot of rhyming the words still blended well together. As Omi1 said, the beginning doesn't really make that much sense compared with second half of the poem. I know that a lot of times I will have an idea and I will write it out and it will make perfect sense to me; however, sometimes other people will get lost if or confused if you aren't specific enough with what is going on (because they don't know what you were thinking when you wrote the poem). For example it seems to me that a child was just born: Through joyful hugs, and happy tears, a life is found, and a child's love, a place is given. And then it seems that you jump to talking about how you wish you could be like somebody who is free or adventurous. I actually think that if you lengthened the poem you could have it transition from stages through somebody's life. For example: your person starts out young and excited (and has a child) then as they slowly progress through life they realize that just working a day job (for example) has become boring and stale; they look back onto the youth and wish that they had the energy and excitement of them again. Just some thoughts you can take them or leave them. Otherwise, I liked the flow of the poem! Oh, one last thing I forgot to mention....by my suggestions I don't mean to imply that poems have to be about real things (like a man's life), but they can also be more abstract.

I didn't really get the beginning. It sorta made sense and all, but there weren't any profound statements until the very end:

"How I wish that I could move, (7)
That I could climb the highest moutain, (9)
And fly above the stars. (6)
How I wish I could be you,
But I am standing still."

Yeah. This last bit was good. I would recommend changing the first half of your poem to match the bottom, just so that you've got a consistent pattern. Poems are almost songs, and so you want it to flow nicely with few breaks.

One thing I don't get is the numbers at the side...you were probably using them to tally your syllables and I don't think you left them there on purpose, but I just wanted to check in case they were important somehow.

Good poem, though. I've read all your poems so far and they are really good. I would easily recommend them to others.

Hi there, here to review.

That was a nice poem. Even though I do not fully understand the message (there doesn't necessarily have to be one), I liked the fact that it starts seemingly positive at first and then seems to end in a negative way. I don't say that because I am a negative person but because you turned my expectations about this poem around. Like I said I didn't truly understand it and that is probably because all the ideas here are abstract, or seem abstract to me.

For example, you say:

A place is given.

But I am standing still.