No Honor in Blood

I just fell in love with this poem. It was pretty fantastic. I loved the writing, the flow, the diction, and the message behind it. I just loved it. The power behind this person's thoughts is so strong that it can knock a person over. The ending was even greater than its beginning in my opinion. That's all I have to say.

Keep on writing!

Dragonrider

Fantasydragon01 in the house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First off, you did a great job on your poem. I love the moral to it. Deserves a great applause. And let me tell you: That title should win an award. How did you come up with such a captivating title? How do you come up with a captivating title? I should really like to know that. Sometimes, my titles are not the best in town.
I like everything about the poem. It does not rhyme, but it is all right! Not every poem has to rhyme.
I did find the rhythm kind of confusing. It was just not smooth. Other than that, it is all good.
Looking at this, you are a talented writer. We should definitely be writing buddies. I think that would be so much fun!
You know what? I am going to press the "follow" button!
Good luck and keep writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Very truly yours,
fantasydragon01.

This was so beautiful. *Wipes away tear* I enjoyed this so much too. Please let me know when you create more. I've been working on my poems, but none of them are as brilliant as this one. I think you deserve every gift coming your way. Your awesome. Your talented. Your magnificent. And, finally but not least, Your great. I enjoyed the poem and can't wait to read more from you. Thanks for the read. Bye!

-Laelle

Wow. Just wow.

This sort of reminds me of a poem/song I wrote and it carries one of the same messages. I absolutely love it, as it was something that just tugged at your heartstrings. However, I did notice a few things that could be improved on.

1) "I try to find my reflection, in my blood-stained blade,/But I am lost, in slaughter and evil deeds."
This is very confusing because, while I get your message, the first lines of this paragraph rhyme and this does not. Consider different wordings.

2) "The Bone-chilling night is cold and silent from death and loss," This is a great description, but in paragraph one, phrase two, you have 13 syllables and here you have 14. When writing poetry that doesn't necessarily rhyme in some places, I find that it reads much easier if you keep the same rhythm going. But, I don't know how it's sounding in your head, so correct me if I'm not seeing something I should.

3) The third paragraph was absolutely great. I loved how you referred to the force much more personably than most would have.

4) "Their shrieks, their pleas, their cries for help, what have I become," This was another great phrase that held a lot of feeling, but I feel like it stretches out to long. Maybe you could try re-wording it since "shrieks" "pleas" and "cries for help" are all along the same line.

5) I love the feeling in this paragraph as well, and it was one of my favorites. However, some of the wording didn't quite match up, such as in second phrase. You used the word 'or' twice, and while there is certainly nothing wrong with that, I just felt it would sound better projected another way.

6) This last one was probably one of the most powerful, but I didn't quite understand how we got from talking of their families to saying that "all of us are mere dust in the winds of war" (I love that phrase, by the way!) It didn't seem to quite flow with the eager family thing, or am I just missing something?

Overall, I absolutely loved this poem, and I hope to see more from you in the future!!!

Oh, and one more thing - *Busts out party poppers*
WELCOME TO YWS!!!

~RagingLive

Welcome to YWS! Ah how great it is to see fresh new writers!

This was really really well written I can tell there is a lot of thought here. Somewhere around the world soldiers are fighting and this is how every last one of them feels deep inside. Just this morining I watched a video about a war were they would torture civilians and rip their eyes out and horrible things... but deep down everyone is human and it's this blindness. There was one thing I caught though "The soft soil is loose from the marching armies" wouldn't it be incredibly compacted from the tons of men walking across it over and over ? Kind of nit-picky sorry . But goodness! "The Earth grieves when her children kill each other" chillingly stunning personification here . I really enjoyed this poem and how serious and honest it was . As far as I can tell, good grammer too. "Have I killed soldiers or brothers, husbands, or fathers." Except here that last comma wasn't really needed and aren't you asking a question so shouldn't it be a " ? " ?

On a side note , welcome welcome! Take all the constructive advice you get on this great site and put it to good use

Keep is Jazzy
~Kat