Hey, Kazey here for a review.
So, I did quite enjoy the piece. I'm a sucker for repetition, and you did a lot throughout the piece. I feel it adds continuity and rhythm, so well done. I also loved the over-arching theme of the poem and the constant metaphor and hyperbole, it gave a really clear picture of what you were trying to portray.
"skinning their pelt for a pure tale."
Most of the time your rhyming was very smooth and din't sound too forced to me but this line threw me off. It just seems out of place and a little clunky.
"An’it gives me pleasure,"
One, there needs to be a space between the apostrophe and "it". Secondly, I feel like omitting the d was unnecessary. You don't do it anywhere else in the poem, and either way it's the same amount of syllables.
"After each one of my tricks and spells shock and AWE...will ensue…"
So, the first ellipses is unneeded and throws off the rhythm. Also, the word "awe" is in capital letters. I love continuity, and no other word in the piece is in all caps. It also doesn't seem like that important of a word to me.
"her teachings sly, like a clawed prowling felidae."
May just be my pronunciation, but I don't think melody and felidae rhyme.
"With each subtlety and each secrecy, I put a spell on you!"
One minute you're speaking of subtlety, and the next you're using a capital letter. It's a juxtaposition that in my opinion, doesn't work.
"I am a writer."
Lastly, I found this line as a very weak ending line. The stanza before that was powerful and beautiful and I think you should've just left it there. Left the reader form their own opinion on what you are. In my experience, ambiguity is a key to success in poetry writing. Don't spoon-feed the reader.
Anyway, I did thoroughly enjoy this poem, so well done!
~Kazey
Points: 11
Reviews: 64
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