z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

I am a Writer.

by JeffRWoodridge


I am a writer

~

I am a knight of old,

I am both hardy and bold.

I will take up my pen,

slay beasts in their den,

and claim the stories as gold.

~

I am a hunter on the trail,

throughout the forests and in the vale.

In the morning ‘mongst the birds,

stalking the perfect words,

skinning their pelt for a pure tale.

~

I am a pirate on the endless sea,

sailing my ship where only the bravest would be.

And it gives me pleasure,

just to hunt for my treasure,

in the perpetual thoughts that belong to me.

~

I am a magician, forecaster! Brewer of brew!

After each one of my tricks and spells shock and AWE will ensue…

I heed the diviner and learn from her melody,

her teachings sly, like a clawed prowling felidae.

With each subtlety and each secrecy, I put a spell on you.

~

I am a farmer cultivating fields of rhythm akin to rye,

I am a pilot flying a plane in a hulking hollow sky.

I am a sculptor of characters and chronicles,

I am a bard of songs audacious and audible.

I am a falconer waiting for my masterpiece to fly.

~

I am a writer.


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User avatar
64 Reviews


Points: 11
Reviews: 64

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Tue Sep 27, 2016 3:36 pm
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Kazeybear wrote a review...



Hey, Kazey here for a review.

So, I did quite enjoy the piece. I'm a sucker for repetition, and you did a lot throughout the piece. I feel it adds continuity and rhythm, so well done. I also loved the over-arching theme of the poem and the constant metaphor and hyperbole, it gave a really clear picture of what you were trying to portray.

"skinning their pelt for a pure tale."

Most of the time your rhyming was very smooth and din't sound too forced to me but this line threw me off. It just seems out of place and a little clunky.


"An’it gives me pleasure,"

One, there needs to be a space between the apostrophe and "it". Secondly, I feel like omitting the d was unnecessary. You don't do it anywhere else in the poem, and either way it's the same amount of syllables.


"After each one of my tricks and spells shock and AWE...will ensue…"

So, the first ellipses is unneeded and throws off the rhythm. Also, the word "awe" is in capital letters. I love continuity, and no other word in the piece is in all caps. It also doesn't seem like that important of a word to me.

"her teachings sly, like a clawed prowling felidae."

May just be my pronunciation, but I don't think melody and felidae rhyme.


"With each subtlety and each secrecy, I put a spell on you!"

One minute you're speaking of subtlety, and the next you're using a capital letter. It's a juxtaposition that in my opinion, doesn't work.


"I am a writer."

Lastly, I found this line as a very weak ending line. The stanza before that was powerful and beautiful and I think you should've just left it there. Left the reader form their own opinion on what you are. In my experience, ambiguity is a key to success in poetry writing. Don't spoon-feed the reader.

Anyway, I did thoroughly enjoy this poem, so well done!

~Kazey




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44 Reviews


Points: 97
Reviews: 44

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Tue Sep 27, 2016 12:56 pm
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mavisknightley wrote a review...



Hi JeffRWoodridge,

I was drawn into this poem immediately, and thoroughly enjoyed reading it! I struggled with the idea of being a writer while I was growing up; the act of writing was something I just did without consideration for why. Your poem reminded me of every reason for which I do what I do: because we can be anything with a pen in our hand. We writers are limitless. You capture this notion gorgeously.

The rhythm of this piece was almost romantic to my ear, and while it was not completely structured, I found that lack of restrictiveness relaxing and enjoyable.

My favorite part was:

"I heed the diviner and learn from her melody,

her teachings sly, like a clawed prowling felidae.

With each subtlety and each secrecy, I put a spell on you!"


And this stanza was pure gold:

"I am a farmer cultivating fields of rhythm akin to rye,

I am a pilot flying a plane in a hulking hollow sky.

I am a sculptor of characters and chronicles,

I am a bard of songs audacious and audible.

I am a falconer waiting for my masterpiece to fly."


Here are my few gentle suggestions:

-In your first stanza, I would change "and claim the stories as my gold." to "and claim the stories as gold."

-While I think I like your highlighting of the word AWE in "After each one of my tricks and spells shock and AWE...will ensue…" I would remove the first series of ...'s. It, to me, breaks up your beautiful rhythm in a way that befuddles, slightly.


This is an artful piece of poetry. Well done! I hope you continue with your talent, and write often! Looking forward to seeing more of your work on YWS!

Have a great day. :)

-mav


Mavis Knightley
www.mavisknightley.weebly.com





If you can't describe what you are doing as a process, you don't know what you're doing.
— W. Edwards Deming