Bubble, bubble
toil and trouble.
Add a fair maiden:
the dangers shall double.
-
Insert your hero
The villain will meddle
Magic flute, or magic bean?
A tinker can peddle.
-
A quest, of course
is mandatory.
A noble steed
to be ridden to glory.
-
Now... let's see...
what have I forgotten?
A fetid swamp?
All stinky and rotten?
-
Somewhere I must place
a castle most scary
The hero can enter
and prowl most wary.
-
A friend! A friend!
Of course a friend!
With a helping hand
most eager to lend.
-
Vanquish the foe,
rescue the maiden.
Reward the friend
with gifts heavily laden.
-
What great fun it is,
the adventure in my head
No danger or hardship,
no ruined street cred
-
I have the excuses:
my friends were all sick.
Dragons don't exist,
this sword is just a stick.
-
Yet.. wouldn't it be fun?
To yell, and fight, and run.
A whole different world
under the same bright sun.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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140,692 Literary Works • 673,622 Reviews
like me when i lay awake at night and create my own world in my head my own adventures where i always win lol i like this one a lot ur good at this i cant write poetry for the life of me but i like it lol
Hey, bro. Like I said, it's gonna be a short review.
First, the title. A long one but I love it. Cus it does portray the theme of your poem. But, I think, the theme itself is lacking something. There is only description here, like what you want in your adventure and what not...but, not much of how it feels to you. And your usage of words is fantastic!
I mostly liked this stanza-
Although, I didn't quite get how your friends are sick.
But the poem was good. I loved it! If you write any other on reality or emotions, tell me. I will review that one, too.
Yes, it is exactly that! For how can you know what you think of the adventure if you never went on it? If it never happened, you cannot have emotions to go with it.
Chances are my friends weren't really sick: it was just an excuse to not go on the adventure. Sometimes it's just enough to entertain the idea of an adventure.
*nods*
hello, this is kman134, here, with a review.
the poem seems to indicate two different contrasting views: An optimistic adventurous one throughout, and a cynical, yet hopeful, one in the end. I love how you referenced numerous fairy tale nursery rhymes to express your world of fantasy and knights, and maidens, and expressing the greatest quest to exist. I would love to live in such a world as reality can be dull and mundane once and a while. Anyway, this is actually the first decent poem that i've read that doesn't feature death, sex, and corporatism, yet it still needs improvement as it seemed a bit straightforward and too "to the point".
Hope to read more of your work.
I'm not sure I understand this. Could you elaborate?
I didn't really feel much emotion, other than want and happiness, and i believe that it needed more feels to it.
I was kind of going for a wistful air, with an adventurous overtone during the painting of the fantasy, then a more "cynical" one in comparison to the rest once you return to the real world.
Hopefully this helps you understand the poem, and if not we could converse more about what you'd like to see it look like
Thanks
Hey there,
well, it would definetly be fun to live in a world where monsters and all that supernatural stuff was reall. oh what wouldn't i give to live in a world like that. Basically i loved the idea behind your poem. monsters, demons, vampires- these are my stuff. And i suppose you are a pjo fan ( if not then you definitely gotta read it ). anyway back to poem well there is a flow to it , which by the way is a very nice thing. though it could use some improvement which i definitely am gonna leave for the others to point.
overall it was a good poem.
good job and keep on writing!
fangirl~
I've never heard of pjo (or at least not under that acronym)
Thanks for the review!
well its Percy Jackson and the Olympians
OhH
Yes I've read every book put out by Mr. Riordan
He's a genius and I love his work
well you got it then. PJO definitely rocks !