'Hater' is a bad word,
That's what momma said.
They say pa was one,
They put a bullet in his head.
-
I'll never know the reasons,
Why friends won't speak.
I never did a wrong,
Except maybe repeat.
-
I hear on the news,
But mostly at school.
Teacher says not to,
It's the number one rule.
-
We learn about free speech,
Momma says it comes at a price.
We all have to speak,
But my mouth is in a vice.
-
I told it first to Susie,
Then Beth and Ann and Kate.
'Did you hear what she said?'
I never was popular with fate.
-
We had a talk, teacher and I.
She said I did a bad.
What I can't tell,
Is why she included my dad.
-
I never said much more,
Than what I learned at Church.
'Nobody believes in that.'
The words kind of hurt.
-
Every child wants a momma,
And a papa that cares.
Now they want two of one,
'It's love, so there.'
-
Who am I to disagree?
I'm not the one to say.
But it seems more common now,
That I get hated every day.
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140,483 Literary Works • 673,249 Reviews
It's not absolutely perfect, yet it's not horrible.
I did like it and I like the message it gives.
My response to a hater:
'Love me or hate me, I don't give a DAMMMMN!'
Haha, in all seriousness, this wasn't that bad.
I felt the emotional essence from this, that's why I wrote this review.
No matter what them haters say, throw that hate right back at them in the most witty of ways. In other words...
Sorry for the short review, Keep it up!
Sincerely, @ScarletDreams14
Writer, Artist, Student and Reader
I think this is really impressive! I like it for sure!
This certainly brightened up my day. I've been verbally abused for speaking my own opinions of gay marriage because some people think it's wrong to have differing views. So...I kind of needed this
great poem and thanks for writing! Have a great day.
I'll point out what I liked and what you could improve on.
- The flow and rhyme scheme went well together.
- it was easy to read and interpret even though you didn't say your meaning so bluntly.
- the language makes the poem seem like it's from the mind of someone more innocent. The use of "papa" and "momma" supported that.
- there were a few punctuation mistakes I spotted, where commas were used but weren't necessary. I think Lucrezia pointed them all out already.
- the fifth stanza seems a bit jerky. Maybe you could reword the last line to make it less cramped.
That's about it
DarkHeart
Thanks for the review! And yes, the fifth stanza is a bit off. I think if I change the last line a little it will fix the problem.
WOW!
Unbelievable. I feel a follow coming on because this was just so amazing. great job.
This is awesome. I loved the way this poem flowed. It was perfect in everyway. I am not one to judge people on grammar and spelling so
Hi there! Lucrezia here for a review.
So, firstly, I wanted to compliment the beautiful rhythm this has. Everything flowed together wonderfully, due in part to your exceptional word choice. And you succeeded in telling a story.
Each stanza was lovely, but your last three stanzas really, in my eyes, explore the poem's message the most. I interpreted this as being about someone who was discriminated against for their religious beliefs, but I could be wrong. I mean, for all I know, this may be about how cute puppies are. Another cool thing is that it's open to interpretation.
Anyway. Before I get any further off topic here, I'll move on to the nitpicks.
I'd change the comma here to a semicolon.
Unnecessary comma.
Change the comma following "speech" to a semicolon or a dash.
Unnecessary comma.
Unnecessary comma. Also, does the C in "church" really need to be capitalized here? Or was that for dramatic effect?
Change the first comma following "one" to a dash or a period.
Remove the comma.
Okay, nitpicks out of the way, I'll end by saying that I thought this was nicely-composed. Keep on writing
Actually, you interpreted it perfectly. I felt inspired to write this when I saw a similar poem from the opposite point of few getting a lot of likes. It made me mad that everyone talked about how terrible it was that gay people were being 'discriminated' against, but no one ever brought up the fact that we have free speech, and some people do not believe it's right.
Thanks for the review!
I completely understand how you feel