Hey guys! I thought I'd post one of my songs. Ummm...I've written this last January, and I have sung it live only once, which is sad because I really, really like this. Haha! Anyway, I'd love to hear your thoughts about this. =)
This song is about...aww...I don't have to explain! You'll get it. =P
Also note that I made this quite simple 'cause it's meant for communicating to teenagers. =))
AND BEFORE YOU REVIEW!!! Please either WATCH or LISTEN to the song! Please and thanks! =))
Solvalery wrote:PRESS THE LIKE BUTTON IF YOU LIKE IT!
MAGNIFIEDby Jash Bagabaldo
She’s trying so hard to figure you out
Throwing her heart around and about
Swift in disguise with that intentional smile
Clueless replies
She’s laughing tonight
When she caught herself humming a song
When she felt so unpredictable
But her feelings are just
Magnified...
The flower blooms and thinks it’s you
You’ve got her hanging on through the night
Hesitant of what she fell into
But if her heart allows
She’ll look about
And figure out
That it isn’t love
That her feelings are just magnified
The surface is all that she sees
Head over heels feeling
And underneath might just terrify her still young beliefs
A closer picture leaves the uncertain clearer
Somehow everyone seems so naive
‘Cause she caught herself singing a song for you
But those feelings are just
Magnified
The flower blooms and thinks it’s you
You’ve got her hanging on through the night
Hesitant of what she fell into
But if her heart allows
She’ll look about
And figure out
That it isn’t love
That her feelings are just magnified
And now an honest guess strikes reality
A dream crashes down with perfect fantasy
Disillusionment comes lurking around
She never meant to hurt herself
With something supposedly harmless
- her hopeless romantic profound
She looks in the mirror to tell herself,
“Well, now you know
It’s better to wait than to hang on tight
Wishing you’d never have to let go
Time is our friend not to neglect
‘Cause things are already set
In the right time
At the right place
Don’t you forget…’
“Those feelings were just magnified
I saw his eyes and wanted them mine
He had me hanging on through the night
Hesitant of what I felt inside
But then my heart allowed
So I looked about
And figured out
That it isn't love!"
And then she cranes outside
Displays the prettiest smile
'Cause she realized
You can never hurry love
Those feelings were just magnified
Ladaridamdam
Ladaridamdam
Ladaridamdam
(Magnified)
Ladaridamdam
Ladaridamda
My feelings were just...
...magnified
Meow...writing. )© 2010 by Abigail "Jash" BagabaldoSol made me a
page! Thanks Sol and to those who'd follow. *grins*
Jashy, that was truly amazing. You are an extremely talented singer, songer writer, guitarist, etc haha you're amazing and that song was beautiful <3
LOVE YOU LOVE FRUITY
Here I was coming to review but you've had so many great ones already!
<3
You're very talented
Thanks to all who're liking this. XD
Oh, and yo SHeri! of course, you can! Just click on the "LISTEN" =)) It'll lead you to Muziboo, where there's an mp3 download button. =D/
oh my god!!!!!
you are amazinggggg
i was reviewing other songs and then i came across yours
you are so tallented!!!
i loooove it
can you pleaaase enable downloading becouase i so want to download this!!!
i listened to it your amazing i liked the song, the way you played the guitar and your young voiceeee
This was so ANAZING!!!! I have never meet anyone as talented as you. You can write, draw, sing, what can't you do. Anyways great lyrics, and song. I'm sorry there's not really much to review. Everyone beat me too it.
-lilgreendots <3
Again, you have got the goods, baby.
great job!
------------------------
-jojo.
So not that you need this reveiw. Just thought I'd let you know how talented you are. Not that you already don't no.
You are so creative in your drawing,singing and writing.
This was so sweet and the lYrics were so moving. Well written.
All I CAN say is Wow what else can you do!?
This is so good! Oh my God! My only editing tip is that the line 'Clueless replies' did not seem to flow as well as the rest of the lyrics.
Hey Jash
I'm not going to review this I just want to say that you have a really pretty voice and lyrics are awesome
Also could you tell me what chords you are using on the guitar?
Hallo, thanks!
The chorus goes like D, A, Bm, G ... then Em, D/F#, G... I don't know the chords I used for the stanzas. XD
Hey Jashy!
Remember I told you I might or might not review this?
Well, I'm going to not review this! =D
Instead, I'll just tell you how great it was. You're a wonderful singer and have a beautiful voice. I only wish I had the courage to sing. My voice is the mix between a donkey and a dying Edward Cullen so you can imagine how terrible that would sound.
Unfortunately, I still had to comment on this otherwise I would fail as a Father. :'(
Jenth and the others seem to have already gone through and covered much of this. Anyway, I epically stink at reviewing lyrics and poetry so I won't even bother with it. You did great and the lyrics are meaningful and wonderfully written.
Good job! I *likes* ^.^
-Daddy
Jen! Thanks so much for the review! XD
Strikes reality, I guess meant that her guess was verified? =)) It struck reality. Like, "ahh...it was right." then she frowns. *pouts*
Then crane means extending the neck. =))
And profound, in my dictionary says, as a noun, means thinking. =))
Oh, I hope you listen to it. I'll have to check Dixie. XD
P.S. this is a song between bestfriends. x3 not mother and daughter. But it could be! =D/ Nice one, Jen. =))
Well done, Jashy! I really liked it! Like, *like* liked it.
I didn’t get the chance to listen to it, so my review may be a little scattered. Hope it makes sense!
Hmm, I would say she would laugh at herself for being so predictable, not unpredictable. Let’s face it; a girl humming about her boy is predictable. I can imagine this character and her views on love. Let’s call her Amy.
Amy has seen love before, and knows some of the ropes. She knows what is sappy love and what isn’t. From the mood of this song, Amy has accidentally allowed herself fall into a sappy romance (without knowing it). Thus, when she catches herself singing (a symptom of a sappy romance) she is surprised that she too has become one with the sappy romances she had viewed and scorned previously. Her action was therefore predictable and sickeningly cliché.
However, changing this will disrupt the rhythm of the piece, so I suggest you find a way to put another syllable in there if you remove the ‘un’.
When I read, “Heart allows” I was thinking of something entirely different than what you came up with. Let’s turn this into an equation.
Spoiler
IF (heart allows) THEN (isn’t love)
}
See, that is what you’re saying (translated into computer coding
Spoiler
IF (heart allows) THEN (isn’t love) EQUALS (false)
}
When speaking of the heart ‘allowing’ something to happen, it normally means that the person ‘allowed’ their heart to fall in love. Not that they ‘allow’ it to analyze their love and name it false.
Also, if you were to use your heart to discern between sappy love and non-sappy love, you would have a much distorted view. Love is blind, or so they say…
By ‘honest guess’ I suppose you mean that Amy finally questioned her love in a serious inquisition. If that was so, then the guess should have struck at fantasy, not reality. And therefore it would have been the reality that crashed down.
“A dream crashes down into brutal reality”
Or something along those lines.
Is profound a noun? My thesaurus says no. If it was, what would a profound be?
This sounds a little weird. I understand the idea, but I think a lubricating conjunction would be best inserted here. However, again, this will disrupt the rhythm.
“Time is a friend we should not neglect,”
That’s the idea you were trying to convey, right? Well, it’ll need to be reworded, notice how long mine was?
You started this quotation with double quotation marks. End it with the same.
Craned? What does that mean?
I have no clue as to what this is.
Here I have listed only the last words and the number of syllables in the line. You can see that there is some very scattered rhythm here, and that your pattern of rhyming is rather random. This is, however, an analysis without the actual music and/or beat in mind, so I may be wrong about how it all goes together.
This list is just for you to look over and think about.
out 10
about 9
smile 11
replies 4
tonight 5
song 9
unpredictable 9
just 6
Magnified... 3
you 8
night 9
into 9
allows 6
about 4
out 4
love 5
magnified 9
sees 7
feeling 6
underneath 4
beliefs 10
picture 5
clearer 7
naive 9
you 11
just 6
Magnified 3
you 8
night 9
into 9
allows 6
about 4
out 4
love 5
magnified 9
reality 11
fantasy 11
around 10
herself 8
harmless 8
profound 9
herself, 10
know 4
tight 10
go 9
neglect 8
set 7
time 4
place 4
forget…’ 4
magnified 9
mine 9
night 9
inside 9
allowed 6
about 5
out 4
love!" 4
outside 6
smile 7
realized 4
love 7
magnified 8
Ladaridamdam 5
Ladaridamdam 5
Ladaridamdam 5
(Magnified) 3
Ladaridamdam 5
Ladaridamda 5
just... 5
...magnified 3
Very smawesome! I didn’t listen to the music, since I review things offline and hadn’t the time when I was logged on. I’ll try to listen to it when I go back online.
For the general idea, it sounds a lot like the Dixie Chicks song, “You Can’t Hurry Love” in that both you and the Dixie Chick mention the fact that teens should wait for love to come, and not to prematurely seek it out (Also, you used the exact words ‘hurry’ and ‘love’). The song did not mention any relationship, and seemed to consist mainly of a conversation between daughter and mother, but the end idea was the same. It did not even brush on the idea of a girl falling into love and then, upon stepping back to see it more clearly, realize that it wasn’t real.
I really liked this a lot! Congrats on getting Featured!
Whoa I'm in love with the song, and your voice! *Jealous* haha. Really, perfect. You play guitar well too. I totally relate to the song also, and there's seriously nothing about it I would change. You have a really cool style that just makes you want to smile.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
Nice!
I can never write a song like that! lol I'm so limited >.<. You're amazing, twin!
But it is connected to the first lines. When a girl knows more about a guy and figures out he's not the one, trust me (gulp), I just know (LOL *blush*) it's such a big drag! O_o sometimes--it hurts. HAHA
"disillusionment went lurking around". (Hey! Wasn't that personification? XD )
what does it add to your poem? Disillusionment is running around, cool but so what? Make the connections.
So Mr. Silented is too shy to post here. XD I'm sorry! But I'm posting my answers here and sending you the link. I have to answer them in case anyone else is confused with these.
Oh, I get that. Hmm... maybe it's because this is kind of a girl song? So, how do you think that could be fixed?
Oh, I see, I see. Anyway, I will try to explain. *ehem XD
We were talking about the girl's feelings, so I guess that's just it. When you like a guy (hey, you're a guy! Okay, pretend that you're a girl. LOL), when you start to have a crush on him or so, your feelings will explode and seem beautiful, like a flower that blooms. "And thinks it's you" means, "Oh my, he's the one! *screams* =))
Hahaha! My serious songs never get below 4 minutes. (LOL) And thank you! *eyessparkle*
I guess it was generalized. "A dream crashes down with perfect fantasy..."
Girls usually get disillusioned after going crazy over a guy she didn't take the time to know first well. That's what I'm aiming for this song. I know a lot of girls who had went through this. Thinking that the guy was perfect, but then something happens and it just crashes down her dreams as "disillusionment went lurking around". (Hey! Wasn't that personification? XD)
A girl isn't a lady, or a woman. A girl is a young female human who doesn't know much about the world yet, but still tries to push away the fact. =))
Girls usually hurt themselves by letting their "hopeless romantic" feelings get in the way of right decisions. =) The fact is, they still don't know what it really means anyway--yet.
Really? XD I get that a lot, and they say that it's probably the effect of my being not a native English speaker. =)) I'm a Filipino BTW. =))
And this, I'll just like to brag about this.
Hey, guys! I got a compliment from one of YWS's awesome reviewers! XD
Kidding, Silented. I was just so happy seeing your comments. XD Thanks sooo much for the time! =)) I appreciate it, and now I can see how most guys would react to it. x))
~ Jash ♥
Thanks for the likes guys! Greatly appreciated! =D/
Thumbs up.
Hey guys! You don't know how much boost you've given to me by your comments. Thank you so much for giving this the time. XD I really appreciate each one. But I'll answer RH,
>> Here "them" referred to "eyes". So when the girl saw the guy's eyes, she wanted them. XD Did the order confused you? LOL
And skins:
Yes, the tense shift was intentional to point out that the girl's so over him. hahahahah
Again, I thank you all! My recording was only done in my room, so it's low quality, but you can download it if you want to. (LOL) It's for free. LOL
Hey there Jash! OMG I totally loved this, it was amazing! I'm not really sure that I can review this. I am known for the one who can pick stuff out of things, but this is just to good for me to review. (It also may be because I don't know how to review lyrics haha)
Anyway this was beautiful my darling! Keep writing.
-Flow-
I know you asked me to review this, but I really don't think I'll be able to do that... It's too good to critique! x3
I don't know anything about lyrics, I really don't, but I think that this song overall is wonderful, Jash. It's clear that you're a fan of Taylor Swift. You have such a sweet, gentle voice. I love it!
I didn't really notice any technical errors, I don't think. I was probably too into the song to really notice anything like that though... There was a little tense issue, but I think that it was actually intentional. I wouldn't know... I suck at anything poetic. Basically, was the tense supposed to change at the end? I get the impression that it was, but I'm not 100% sure.
Sorry I was useless!
xoxo Skins
Holy guacamole bro, this was amazing! You have a beautiful voice and play wonderfully. I never really listen to that sort of music...but I'd definitely listen to your song over and over again.
I've never really reviewed lyrics, and I don't quite feel like I'm qualified to do so, but I'll just point out something I noticed:
"Wanted them mine" seems like you're missing something here. I know that you have to cut some stuff out for rhythm reasons and such, but I can't help but wonder if there's something you could add so it can make a little more sense. Just a thought.
Overall, I think the lyrics are great and something that a lot of people (including myself!) can identify with. Great job! You've got a lot of talent.
Please PM me if you've got any questions or whatnot. Cheers! (:
Jashy,
You are a very talented singer and songwriter. I am unfortunately no good at all at reviewing lyrics, but from what I heard and read, I loved it.
I think I'm going to have this song stuck in my head, now................
Mom. <3
0.0 *ehem* ... God! I love this... you're so extremely talented in every way, Abigail... I'm like... :O *FANSCREAM* I love you! lol Can I make you a fan club here in YWS? xD
P.S. My big sister heard the song and she loved it, too!