Nadana stroked her daughter's beautiful reddish-brown hair, humming softly to herself. The wind outside was picking up, howling against the walls as if it wanted to be warm too.
"Mommy, why are the bad men looking for us?" the daughter asked, meeting Nadana's eyes.
Nadana drew in a sharp breath.
"Arvia, what have I told you. You don't need to worry about them. The Gardener picks his fruit," the mother said, braiding her child's hair. Then unbraiding it, and doing it again - a nervous tick for Nadana.
"But mommy...what if they take you away like they took daddy?" Arvia's bright, curious eyes penetrated Nadana, bringing back those terrible memories.
"Arvia, why don't I sing you a lullaby, and you can forget all about that and just sleep. Does that sound alright?" Nadana asked desperately. The memories were still to fresh, and too painful for her.
"Ok, mommy," Arvia replied.
Nadana internally breathed a sigh of relief, and began to hum an old tune. She switched to singing in a soft voice when she got the tune down.
"Child full of light
Looking for joy,
Seeking the Old Willow.
Follow the river,
Cross the path,
Find the Old Willow.
Climb the trunk,
Sit in the branches,
Of the Old Willow.
Find your friends,
Laugh, run, play,
Round the Old Willow.
Grow older,
Get taller,
With the Old Willow.
Think back to better times,
With a fond smile,
Remember the Old Willow.
Hear the horns,
Hide yourselves,
'Hind the Old Willow.
Listen to the screams,
Feel the terror,
'Hind the Old Willow.
Gain the courage,
Face the shadow,
By the Old Willow.
Draw your sword,
Slay the demons,
By the Old Willow.
Feel the pain,
Fall to your knees,
Near the Old Willow.
Close your eyes,
Breathe your last,
'Neath the Old Willow.
Sink into the soil,
Find the Gardener,
With the Old Willow."
Arvia snored softly in Nadana's arms. The Old Willow had that effect. Either it would get stuck in your head, or you would nod off to it.
Perhaps because it is so old that there is a magic about it.
Nadana didn't care. It had gotten her restless child to sleep countless times.
The loving mother carried Arvia to her small bed, tucking her in. The six year old looked so peaceful in her sleep...
A shame Nadana could never see that peaceful face again.
Stepping away from the snoring child, Nadana opened the door quietly and entered the winds, closing it behind her as softly as she could.
Nadana Scalidor disappeared that day, and never returned.
Lightning cracked outside.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
In previous works The Old Willow was referenced and I'm glad you expanded upon it. The science fiction-fantasy world you are quickly building is increasingly becoming more interesting with each new installment. Would love to see even more narrative surface in future stories.
Heya!
I thoroughly enjoyed this story. It really evoked that kind of old fairy tale or fable energy. I do think it is more of a story than a poem/song, even though the main focus is that central piece. You do a really great job of building intrigue and creating a world around this song, even in such a short frame of time. I think your final line is perfect! It serves (at least in my mind) to tie the world of this song to that of the one surrounding Arvia and Nadana. The lightning conjures images of that old willow tree being struck and set ablaze. It really speaks to the way you interweave narrative and this song together. The whole world of comfort is dissipating, and that is reflected in the way that you treat this fablesque willow tree, even in the world where it doesn't exist. I really like the balance between creepy/ominous and calming though I think you could do a bit more to stratify those ideas. In the end, my only criticism is I think you should differentiate your goals in the story a bit more. Like I said before, I really believe it is more of a short story than anything else. I think it was Edgar Allen Poe who said that a short story should strive to have a single effect on the reader. While your story certainly does conjure an effect, I think that effect becomes a bit muddled in the disparate messages the song seems to be sending. I'm unclear whether we're supposed to be worried or comforted in the end though the final line has me leaning towards the former. All that being said, I think this is a really well-developed narrative especially given the shorter word count and general lack of exposition. Great job!
-Gravity
Thanks for the review!
I actually didnt plan on putting the story in originally, but I couldn't resist and I whipped that up real quick.
Hi there!
I really liked your poem/story. I honestly think it was more of a story even though it had a poem in it.
I enjoyed reading it. The imagery was great and I could really see it all unfold in my head. Your word choice was good, too!
In the story of Arvia you wrote, the character had a nervous tic where she braided her hair and unbraided it, and then did it again. I found it really cool that you had the mother,Nadana, do it. You were able to make it seem like it was passed down from the mother to the daughter.
The story had sort of a nostalgic effect. Especially the part where Nadana begins singing the song. I feel like some of us can relate to a relative singing or reading to us when we were little.
The poem itself was very good as well. It had a sort of warning and symbolism to it which I liked.
Overall, great job. I really liked reading it
Thank you, and thanks for the review.
I *was* just going to post the poem, but I couldnt resist the story idea in my head...
XD
Yeah, I'm glad you wrote the story. It fit well with the poem!
Thanks, I'm glad