Phoenix

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this seems like a great start to a story that you've got here. I like the characters presented here, there appears to be quite a bit of backstory going on here with the whole magic and stuff and that's always fun to see. Well let's get into a bit more detail down there.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Malvor let loose a heavy sigh as three men cornered him in the alleyway, “Really boys, working for a vampire? Not the smartest career choice...”

The largest of the three stepped forward, holding his knife menacingly, “Shut it, weasel! Boss don’t like ya much, even before ya killed his brother!”

Malvor looked thoughtful for a moment, and spread his hands pleadingly.

Okay..well looks like we have a bit of a cocky protagonist, I am liking that very much so far, protagonists like that are always a lot of fun to read about. Aaand looks like we're getting off to a pretty exciting start which is also great.

“Alright, kill me if you must, but ask yourself why. Why does Agelior send you on the dangerous work only to take most of the spoils? Should a leader not do all that he wishes his subjects to do?”

The thug paused for a moment. Malvor could see the gears turning in his mind. The other two thugs stopped as well, looking to the leader before they ended Malvor.

“Er, Krag? Krag are we gonna listen to this…murderer?” The one on the left said.

Okay....he's trying to talk his way out of the situation and actually sowing some seeds of doubt...well that's always fun to see...should be really interesting to see where this thing ends up going.

Krag raised his knife and pointed it at Malvor, “No! He killed boss’s brother and should be punished!”

Malvor scoffed, “You are all about to be murderers,” he waved his hand passively, “not that it matters. Time to die I suppose.

A regal voice came from behind the scruffy men, “Yes Malvor, it is time to die."

Hmm....lots of the word "die" getting thrown around but I sense there will be a bit of interruption before we get into the action. But...pretty nice entrance for this guy you've got here.

Malvor narrowed his eyes, he knew that voice, “Agelior. How nice of you to join us.”

“Not really. This alley is quite dreadful, isn’t it?” A slender man with pale skin and red eyes had stepped into the alleyway. His ostentatious clothes stood out against that of the thugs, who wore nothing more than rags. The man smiled, and showed off his large fangs, their whiteness not exceeding that of his curly locks that fell just past his ears and above his eyes.

Pretty nice description there.

Malvor frowned, he never liked vampires. Death by sucking of blood was just awful, but at least tolerable. “I like its...culture.”

Agelior looked over the grime and dirty stone, “Perhaps.” He began walking forward, “Krag, don’t give in to his stalling. He has a way to make you question...well...everything.”

Krag nodded, cheeks flushed. The vampiric crime lord had heard his hesitation, “Yes, sir.”

So he is known for his ability to talk his way out of stuff...that makes this even more interesting.

Agelior turned back to Malvor, "I did not like my brother much anyway. I thank you for ridding me of that demon spawn. However. He was my brother...and retribution is due."

Malvor tried stepping back again, as Agelior did the opposite, but his back pressed against the cold brick. He held his hands out defensively, “You know, I just realized something!”

Agelior eyed him, “Make it quick. Just because I didn’t like my brother doesn’t mean I won’t avenge him.”

Hmm...well that's an interesting touch of backstory. Also looks like a very interesting conversation is to follow here, let's see I suppose.

“Your name is Agelior Bloodeye, isn’t it?”

The vampire rolled his eyes, “You already know that. Hurry up with your last words, I’m getting thirsty.”

“Alright, so if you're a vampire, shouldn’t your name be Agelior Bloodtooth? I mean, I get the eye and all, with it being red, but don’t you think it fits better?”

I love that choice of last words....although I somehow sense those aren't last words...also surprising touch of humor, I wasn't expecting the conversation to go quite in that direction but this means I like Malvor even more now...hopefully he does actually survive.

Agelior sighed, exasperated, “You are an idiot. Those are your last words? Pathetic.”

Malvor also released a sigh, and lowered his arms, “Yes, they are...I’m done stalling. All outta' ideas,” giving another sigh, Malvor bared his neck, “Go wild.”

The vampire lunged forward, as the thugs turned away. The blood slowly drained from Malvor as his vision faded.

Oh dear...looks like he's going to be dying...

Malvor shot up, gasping loudly. His hand immediately flew to his neck where Agelior’s fangs had drained him. The holes were gone, of course. It had been a few hours and the sun was peeking over the horizon, with no one in sight.

The strange man stood up, and dusted himself off. He searched outward with his mind for a moment until...yes, it was fine. Malvor still checked on his Spiritstone every time. After all, it was the only thing keeping him alive.

Oooh that was an interesting twist there...well glad he's dead...that's definitely a plus and it looks like there's going to be some pretty interesting magic going forward here.

Examining himself for a moment, Malvor looked with disdain at the blood and dirt now on his otherwise white shirt. Blasted vampire!

He stretched for a moment, pulled his cloak tighter, and walked back into the street. He had news to relay to the Whisperers. A Lifechanter like him was very useful for gathering information.

As he began walking, Malvor spoke to the empty road, smiling, “That went pleasantly.”

Well...that sounds like its about to lead on to some very interesting things....well...lovely bit of mystery there to finish things off.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall this seems like the start of what could be a really exciting story and I would definitely read on from here if there's more. Anyway that's all I've gotta say here.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

hey there !! hope you're having a great day/ night/ afternoon/ evening
And that covid is far away from where you live)

Side note, this little thing here

A slender man with pale skin and red eyes

Now I'm not all that good with vampire lore, I find it cliche and overused not gonna lie- but for that reason I'm not sure if white skin and red eyes is particular to vampires or not. I recall white skin being something specific to vampires.. but red eyes? Unless he's an albinos I don't really see why vampires have red eyes. It kinds makes them easy to find.

Malvor also released a sigh, and lowered his arms, “Yes, they are...I’m done stalling. All outta' ideas,” giving another sigh, Malvor bared his neck, “Go wild.”

Another thing that kinda bugged me is this. Unless the crime lord was in on it, why the hell wouldn't he get suspicious when someone seems so eager to die?? Realistically, someone that invites a vampire to bite his neck is suspicious as, well, it leads to death you know.
I think it would've been smarter by Malvor to feign being surprised of his arrival, then to try fighting or running off. It would've been more realistic, and less obvious.

He had news to relay to the Whisperers. A Lifechanter like him was very useful for gathering information.

Uhh what news exactly ? Agelior's name ? He said it himself, he already knew that. So why go through all that trouble if there's nothing that (in what's shown in this chapter at least) he learned ? Kinda pointless if you ask me.

Also, how does his power work ? Is it like a literal Phoenix, and even if he's killed, burned alive, decapitated.. he can still regenerate ? or is it that he simply recovers from small wounds (like a vampire bite) ? if you're planning on making a part two, it'd be great if you could explore that part.


Overall I had a really fun read and although some things kinda didn't make sense, they were minor details and didn't take too much away from the otherwise great narrative. 100/10