Secrets

Hi Idraax,

as requested I am here :0

Now for a short poem, this is fine and dandy but it's not very interesting. It's giving away so much, but not creating enough interest for me to think about this poem after. It's a slight droning that vanishes in the mist of every single word I read in a day. It's meaningless despite its intention to be deep.

what are you saying here? The force and power behind the mere written word? The power we can have over those words? I don't see it, it fails to effect me in any manner whatsoever. I want the feeling behind this to be evident to me when I read it, and for the moment it sits like words on paper.

How can you get this effect? Simple, appeal to your reader through comparisons. Certain feelings you get from doing x and y best explain this feeling here. And your reader can then make connections and really understand what you're trying to say. And this is where metaphors and general comparisons will serve you greatly. You have to be very selective with this kind of length, but with this kind of length, you can't just have words or it's worthless, it can't be judged upon it's aesthetic appeal of words like length can.

Just a few notes/suggestions for slightly better flow.:

There are secrets hidden in words.
They lie there, in the pages of the old books
kept in the dresser drawer. Tomorrow,
she will take it out and rip the pages (no period)
then she will gather up the scraps
and will let them burn.

Wow, this is great. Really I don't have anything in the poem itself to point out but I'm going to review it's characteristics and stuff (if you know what I mean...).

Word Structure: I liked it! Although, I think you could probably use a few more descriptive words here and there... Try reading through it and finding any words you believe are weak and then trying to find a replacement.

Emotion: Very nice

Length + Line Spacing: I liked the length of this. It being so short really helped to relay the message because once you finish it you're like 'What? That was all?!'. BUT I think it has so much more potential to be better if it was longer. I know it's always a pain to lengthen your works (especially when it's poetry, believe me, I've gone throw the same thing) but if you can, you definitely should.

Overall, great job with this!!!

Keep writing,
Just

I must agree that for its size this poem has a large impact. The only aspect of this poem that I did not particularly like is that to me, it felt too distanced. For example I would have put these changes:
There are secrets hidden in these words.
They lie there, in the pages of this old book
Other than that I enjoyed it.

Ok so I just want to start this out in the way that I love it!!! And i totally get it. A lot of my writing I don't get how I come up with. But it's usually the best! Just like this!!

I'll put in color what i think should change.

There are secrets hidden in words.
They lie there, in the pages of the old book, If you cant see it i put a comma in!!kept in the dresser drawer. Tomorrow,
she will take it out and rip the pages.
Then she will gather up the scraps ( make this another line)
and will let them burn.

What I like about this piece is that with its length and content it totally had the potential to be a boring description of a random and unhelpfully-vague topic, but it wasn't!!
I somehow found this very engaging, so good job. I particularly liked the beginning -

There are secrets hidden in words.

Ooh, I really liked this!
It feels almost like a haiku, if you get what I mean, especially the beginning, and I really enjoyed it for that. It's obviously simple, but certainly digestable, nothing too over complicated or uppity - maybe you are being metaphorical (I don't know) but you've done it so simply that it works.

A very nice, short but sweet piece of writing!

Geez, for being so short I didn't know it'd have such a Great impact! I agree with the person above me: Simple, short, and tells a story! It had such a destint begining, middle, and end!

This is definitly one of the best I've seen. I really like it and would love to see more like it!

I like it! It's short and simple, and it tells a story. The only two changes I would make:

Take out "will" in the last line. It's a little awkward, and it's unnecessary.

AND:

I'd add a "the" in the first line, before words - after this you go very specific, telling us about "her" and "THE book kept in THE dresser drawer." So I think adding "the" to the first line - so that you end up with "there are secrets hidden in THE words" - will better go along with that, since it's her secrets hidden in the words in the book that is in her dresser drawer, if you see what I mean.

~Blue