Young Writers Society

Don't know how to properly review this, but I'm sure gonna try! (Disclaimer: I don't know how to do the quote thingy yet)

I think the points in this are so valid, it's crazy. Definitely makes me wonder what the world would be if we used baked treats instead of glares or aggression. In this short, presumably humorous paragraph or two you've managed to make me rethink how the world works and I applaud you for that. It's also worth mentioning how this has a darker undertone to it, one that I can't quite place my finger on. But one that nonetheless makes it that much more fun to read.

"Something sweet to sooth the ache of watching you walk away" was probably one of the most poetic parts in my opinion, and it made me stop to think about life for a second. Every word you've written can be taken into so much consideration and have so many ways to be interpreted (An English teachers dream, honestly)

Anyways, 10/10, amazing work! (PS. sorry about the two comments)

Woah

Hiiii.

In all her bent-up, obnoxious glory.

Rather, I see that cavernous rift between us yawn,
The kind, I realize, an imagined dessert could never close.
But still, I wouldn't have turned my nose up at
Something sweet to soothe the ache, of watching you walk away.

This is so creative and such a realistic way(in a sense) of describing and imagining these situations which many of us face at least once in our lives! I love how it keeps hinting on how the conversation might improve but never does because of a simple decision to not or to forget to make cookies. It’s really ironic how this happens in real life and sometimes we are hurt and stabbed through the heart for the more unreasonable reasons and expectations. It also portrays a bit of self hatred when you wrote:
‘ In all her bent-up, obnoxious glory.’
This shows the person in a new light as maybe they have caused a misunderstanding or they are too nervous and filled with self-doubt that they caused the other person to be hurt too? There are so many interpretations and meanings and this beautiful piece and I’m here for it.
-Coffee

Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Hello! I'm Aaliyah Laurier, a fellow writer, and I can't wait to review this poem for you.

Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
(CONTENT - It seems like some sort of friendship or relationship has been tainted and the narrator is using chocolate chip cookies as a metaphor for making things better. I wonder if the narrator is at fault for whatever happened.)

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
(CONTENT - Honestly, I don't see much that needs to be improved. I think this is perfect the way it is, but never hesitate to add detail or revise to your liking. I do it all the time.)

Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
(CONTENT - I love the way that this started. My favorite lines are:

I wonder if the sweetness I'd have offered
Would have offset the bitterness of our words.

But still, I wouldn't have turned my nose up at
Something sweet to soothe the ache, of watching you walk away.

so so cute and creative.)

Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
(This was a beautiful read and so so cute. Keep up the good work. I hope to read more from you. Always with love, Aaliyah Laurier)

Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Hello! I’m thebroken and I’m here to review your poem! (It’s my first review so don’t attack me if it’s horrible.)

So, the first stanza started off the work with something like this. “I” wanted to bake cookies to try and mend a relationship with a friend maybe because of an argument or fight, but couldn’t because he/she woke up late, so she/he could only confront the “friend” with empty hands. But sadly the meeting didn’t go well so they parted ways, “I” realizing that though cookies probably wouldn’t change the friend’s mind, they would’ve comforted him/her much.

I’m guessing that this poem is something like, not all friendships can be mended with a simple sweet, making it very realistic because sometimes not everything goes to plan in life like how “I” overslept, and how they realized that their bond was already broken to the point that it cannot be fixed with gifts so it was inevitable. Or maybe I’m just over thinking things. ;D

I like how it was very straightforward in the first two lines, it’s the “my way of saying” part that caught my eye at the start. but my favorite is the second stanza. It’s very creative, the sweetness and then contrast the bitterness. Then instead of sharing glares we shared baked goods, it’s smart in a good poem way.

Closing Thoughts

Overall I think it’s a sweet creative poem that talks about a humorous but kind of sad story about two friends and one that wanted to repair their relationship with a dessert.

Take care! Remember to take a break once in a while! (Also point me out if I’m wrong, I’d be happy to improve my reviewing skills too!)

-thebroken