Chapter 1. Misery is happiness.
It felt good to step out of my moms car; it was always so stressful teaching her to drive, but also it
felt grand, to have polluted the earth just a bit more.
I made my way up the steps to our house, a little yellow thing that really should have been painted black. It would have gone nice, with the dead Maple in our yard. My mom followed me, once again wearing a highly immodest, ankle-length grey dress with tights underneath and an almost baggy sweater. I'm sure it was meant as a dare, but I was just too tired for her rebellion.
I opened the door, we both walked in, and I locked it. Then we parted ways, she went into the living room, while I headed for the kitchen.
The fridge door was closed again, which frustrated me so much. I didn't refrain from yelling at my dad, though, that was good.
I made myself a chicken and cheese sandwich, with blue berry jam, BBQ sauce, and corn husks. I even dropped it on the floor, but it wasn't mouldy enough. My mom came in while I was eating, a disgusted look quickly formed on her face.
“Why are you eating?” she asked.
I groaned, “I felt like it.”
“But Gillian,” she said, “you really shouldn't eat, it regenerates your body and makes you feel good.”
“I know.” I mumbled, biting into the sandwich again. I really wish she wouldn't talk to me like that, like, as if I were her mother.
She sighed and turned to go again.
“Wait, mom, did you unfold your clothes yet?” I asked.
“Yes,” she replied.
“And you fed your homework to the dog?”
“Um, no,” she said.
“Well then, could you go do that please?”
She mumbled a “Fine.” and slumped away. I can't believe that she probably had been actually planning on doing her homework.
The phone rang, I didn't budge. It was most likely Kate, phoning simply to talk about her rebellious parents. A subject I would rather forget about, all together. Maybe she'd give up, just stop calling, hang up... She didn't. which is odd, because Kate is not a patient person. It kept ringing.
My little sister burst into the kitchen. Her ash blonde curls blowing behind her and her tiny five-year-old feet thumping on the floor.
“Are you going to let this ring all after noon?” She asked, going up on her tippy toes to reach the wall mounted phone.
I just raised my eye brows and took my plate to the sink.
“Hello?” She said into the phone. “Oh hello dear... Yes, she's here. Sure...” She looked at me and put her hand over the speaker, “Kate wants to talk to you.”
I sighed, and took the phone from her. “What's up Katy?” I asked.
“Well... Umm, could you meet me somewhere?” She sounded hyper, a bit confused, and tired, all in one.
“Sure, is everything all right?”
“Depends on what you consider all right,” she said, “could you just meet me at the park?”
“OK...” I said, not knowing if I should be worried or not.
“Good. Come as soon as you can,” Kate said in a demanding tone, then hung up.
It would've been so nice if we could have remained strangers, forever frozen in that naive bliss. But sadly no, we had to go and become friends, subjected to one anothers' secrets, bound by the chains of integrity and love.
Maybe it would be nice to talk to Kate again, maybe she was just sick of dealing with her parents, same as me. I decided to walk to the park, I didn't feel like driving, not again. And the day was actually perfect for doing so. The sky was full of dark, thunder heads, and the wind was even
strong enough to bend the trees.
when I got there, Kate was sitting on the grass with a boy around our age, 17 or so. What did you do Kate? I thought to myself. They both stood up when they saw me, the guy grinned as I approached. But Kate looked guilty, she had her hands tucked neatly into her jean pockets, and she kept glancing away from me.
“Hey,” she said, forcing a smile on her tan face. I smiled back, only mine was far more realistic, so I thought. “This is Taylor,” She said, gesturing to the guy. I nodded at him and he smiled, “And, Taylor, this is Gillian.”
Taylor offered his hand, and I took it, “Pleased to meet you,” He said, his voice sounded deep and soothing. His hair was red, cut quite short, and thick. A nice thick, with bright, Emerald eyes. Which made a shocking yet handsome combo.
“Taylor here, is a bit new to town,” Kate said, plopping back down on the grass again. Both Taylor and I did the same.
“Oh?” I said, not knowing why this had anything to do with me.
Taylor laughed, “You could say that.”
“Ya,” Kate chuckled, “Well Gillian...” She trailed off and smiled a painful
smile, like she was trying not to cry. Taylor glanced over his
shoulder and Kate seized the opportunity.
“He's wack!” She whispered in my ear. I cleared my throat.
“What?” I said, wondering if I had heard her right.
Taylor was looking at us again, but Kate just played her “I'm bored” card, and he didn't seem to suspect anything.
“Um, we're just going to the wash rooms,” she told him, “be back in a sec.,” she grabbed on to my arm, and yanked me to my feet. Then she dragged me over to the large, grey, public toilet out post. There was a fountain a few yards away, with sculptures of dolphins looking like they were swimming in the waves of water.
“So, I'm confused.” I said when we were safe in the 'Ladies'.
“Aren't we all?” Kate replied. “Well, OK. The thing is... Taylor’s completely nuts.”
“Yes,” I said, “but why are you telling me this?” I heard one of the sinks dripping behind me.
“Because,” she said, “I'll start at the beginning-”
“Yes. That's a wonderful place to start, Kate,” I said, cutting her off and putting my hands on my hips.
“Well if you'll just let m-”
“I am letting you Kate! Now get to it.”
“Fine,” she said, leaning against the fake, marble counter. she really did look tired, worn, her hair was falling loose from a once tight bun and her hot-pink tank top had seen far better days.
“I found him at the super market,” she said, “he was staring at the people coming in and the people going out. He asked me why they were coming in through the 'Exit' doors, and going out through the 'Entrance' ones.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Well, at first I thought he was drunk, or something, so I offered to drive him home. But he insisted that he was fine, and he sounded fine, so I walked him to his car, but he didn't have a car so I ended up walking him to his house. Witch doesn’t exist, by the way, and-”
“Wait... What? Just slow down, you're rambling,” I said.
“Right,” she said, pushing her bangs out of her eyes. “The moral of the story is... he thinks he's from another planet.”
“Oh,” I said.
“Ya,” Kate said.
“Why does he think that?”
“I don't know! But he claims that everything is opposite on his world, to ours.”
“Weird,” I said.
Kate nodded.
“What does this have to do with me?” I asked.
“Umm, well,”she said. “You're here to give me a break... Please. I've had him for two days now, and you would not believe how exhausting it is to have to keep telling him that the world is not upside down, it's exactly the way it's supposed to be!” she sighed and shook her head. “Will you help me?”
"Kate, I don't know... " I said, not quite sure what else to say. “Is he potty trained?” I joked.
She laughed, “I think so.” she said. “Could you keep him for awhile?... He's a bit odd, like, he bagged me not to put him into a 'Psycho Gourd', what ever that is, but...”
“No, I can't do that to my parents,” I said.
“Oh, come on! He's killing me,” she said, glancing towards the door. “And... I don't want to just kick him back out on to the street!”
“Ya, I get that, but...” I trailed off.
"PLEASE," she said. "Maybe we can help him get his act together."
"Well... I guess he can come."
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
So, the reviewee has become the reviewer.......lol to be honest I always wanted to read some of your work just never got a round to it, further more I just wanna say thank you for all the times you reviewed my pieces... you and only a few others were like the reviews I looked forward to the most. Now that that has been said lets start this review.
So first off, just off the rip I had to go back and re-read this a couple of times, not because you had grammatical issues or anything, it just took me a minute to understand what the heck was going on, which now makes me feel relate able to Taylor....BTW I like the Name since my name is Kwanza Taylor......just saying. Moving on though, your ability to write this story is incredible, did your senses cross as you wrote this....lol cause I think a piece like this I would literally have to take my time on it, cause everything is backwards. But all and all I loved this story. Please tell me there is more, you cant just leave me hanging like this. But thanks agian for a great read.
Sorry for the late reply! Thank you so much for the review! C: I wrote this a longgg time ago. Unfortunately I never wrote anymore on it that I liked! Sorry bro. But feel free to check out some of my newer stuff- that is, not much better than this.
Hello! Scarlet here to review!
This was really funny, I'm laughing now as I type this.
It had a certain ironic humor that I can't find anywhere else. If you ever we're to publish this I would certainly buy it.
It's Unique, Fun, Hilarious, Well thought out, and creative. No lie either, I truly enjoyed reading this but I do have a few nitpicks.
NITPICKING TIME!!!! (Some may not be completely accurate so be warned.)
I made myself a chicken and cheese sandwich, with blue berry jam, BBQ sauce, and corn husks. I even dropped it on the floor, but it wasn't [mouldy] enough. My mom came in while I was eating, a disgusted look quickly formed on her face.
(The word in brackets is possibly misspelled and needs to be fixed: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/moldy )
It would've been so nice if we could have remained strangers, forever frozen in that naive bliss. But sadly no, we had to go and become friends, subjected to one {anothers'} secrets, bound by the chains of integrity and love.
(The word in brackets has a punctuation issue: anothers' is incorrect it needs to be another's)
“Umm, {well,”she} said. “You're here to give me a break... Please. I've had him for two days now, and you would not believe how exhausting it is to have to keep telling him that the world is not upside down, it's exactly the way it's supposed to be!” she sighed and shook her head. “Will you help me?”
(Another punctuation issue, It should be: “Umm, well," she said.)
If any of those mistakes we're intentional let me know, besides that this is a really good read and deserves a like. Really good job, keep writing!
Thumbs Up!
Sincerely, @ScarletDreams14; Member of Salsa Verde
Writer, Artist, Student and Reader
Thank you for the lovely review!
Hey there! Cricket here for a review!
I'm pretty sure you told me you didn't have anything. Well...I just went through your portfolio, and guess what I found?????? THIS. And I'm reviewing it!! And you can't talk me out of it either.lol xD
Now on towards the review!!! As always with me....
NITPICKS!!!!
I think something got messed up when you submitted your work, or this was an accident, but..you need to put these two lines in as one paragraph. And its also to short to be its own paragraph. Paragraphs are usually 3 to 5 sentences.
Now this is something that everyone has trouble with. Telling the reader what the person feels and not showing it. You are telling us that she is sounding hyper and confused. Well, why not show us through dialogue instead? Let me tell you, I have this problem ALL THE TIME, and my brother gets on me ALL the time, for it too. So its nothing new in the world of writing.
You know.. I just figured out that everything is supposed to be backwards. I was wondering why she was mad that the fridge door was closed and why her mom was asking her why she was eating, and then right in the middle IT CLICKED!!! lol, nice job!!
Capitalization on the first word.
This didn't really make sense to me. You are talking about hair in one line, and then in the next line you say a nice thick, and then go immediately into his eyes. I would suggest splitting them.
Comma after "Well".
I think you mean "begged".
Capitalization needed on "She".
This needs to be put into one paragraph. Just a mistype I think.
OK, that's it with nitpicks. hehe, I just reviewed something from your portfolio!! Well, I guess I can't shoot you now...sigh* the horrors I must go through...
Anyway...I have never read a story, where the plot is everything is backwards. Its hilarious actually. I was soooo surprised when I was reading it. She dropped it purposely on the floor????? Oh, my....I normally get a little perturbed when my siblings do that on accident!!
OK, I'm done!! See ya!! Tell me when you post a chapter of this next, as I'm SUPER interested in this!!
Thanks Cricket! Yeah, I meant I didn't have any new works!
I would let you know when I post another chapter, but I've put this one on hold. It happens to be almost completely plot-less ( I have a whole bunch written, it's just not typed out ).
Anyway, thanks again for the review!
No problem!! It was fun ripping it apart. lol, kidding
XD
Hello
I like the whole backwards concept of the story. It's very interesting so far. I've noticed a few errors in your story, but it's mainly just misspelled words and a forgotten comma or two. It also seems like there were a few run on sentences. But hey, everyone makes those mistakes at one point or another.
One grammar error that stood out a few times was using "witch" instead of "which". Also there were a few apostrophes missing as well.
Hope you keep writing this story though, I really like it so far
Hey, thanks!
And what ever story I try to do, that wrinkly old witch, seems to find her way in some how!
Lol It's happened to me countless times!!!
Ahaha!
This was interesting in a funny way! I liked the idea, because usually when someone tries something like this it just looks childish, but as the story wove on you made their world seem kind of matter-of-fact. You could work a bit on the beginning:
"
It felt good to step out of my moms car, it was always so stressful teaching her to drive, but also it
felt good, just grand, to have polluted the earth a little bit more."
You use the word "good" twice. I think it's be better if you said something like: "but I always felt elated after having polluted the world some more." And when you write "moms." you forgot to add an apostrophe. The line's been split in two, and that happens sometimes with the formatting, but you might want to correct it now.
Then there's also this:
"
But he insisted that he was fine, and he sounded fine, so I walked him to his car, but he didn't have a car so I ended up walking him to his house. Witch doesn't exist, by the way, and-”"
It should be "which" not "witch."
I'm looking forward to reading more of this! I hope you develop the characters a bit more, as they seem kind of bland and emotionless. The main character was too quick when she agreed to letting Taylor stay at her house. It just doesn't seem real. She should've needed some persuading before she allowed it. We're talking about people here, opposite or not.
I hope this helped!
Cheers,
Pompadour
Thank you very much for taking the time to review my story!
It's hard to say about the persuading part, because they are opposite...and I'm having trouble finding which opposite to use ( that may sound weird ). My plan was to have her being completely fine with it, because most people here, would think long and hard before jumping on bored like that. But I do understand that it seems... Fake.
Any ideas on what I should do?
Well, you could sort of show how, despite everything being opposite in the world (the lifestyle and stuff), human nature remains unchanged. It'd give a nice tang to the story. Even when two worlds collide, it just goes to show that we're all still human. Kate's exasperation seemed legit enough, and you could sort of have both friends argue over the matter. But I still think both should retain strangely high levels of maturity ( it's opposite world, right) Both of them are unwilling to take Taylor in, but eventually agree that it would be interesting to see what he has to say, and they also feel that deep down, they ought to make sure he has a couple of guides in this world. They're still not sure whether they believe him or not, but they'd rather he stayed with them than at the Day Care Center. It depends on you how you develop the story. You should have a plausible reason for how Taylor reached their world, and perhaps add a few humorous scrapes as sideline, er... plots?
Waiting for your next update!
~Pompadour
Ya that could work, thank you! I'll see how it goes.
So I changed a few things, and I think it's better.
Hi there! I found this extremely interesting, and I was hooked the whole time. I really love the paragraph where it talks about Gillian and Kate and how they became friends even though they shouldn't have. "Subjected to one another's secrets, bound by the chains of integrity and love" sounds really cool and confusing but it actually has a very simple meaning. One error I noticed was that you kept saying "than" when you should've said "then". Here are some examples:
“Well than, could you go do that please?”
Kate said in a demanding tone, than hung up.
Another thing I noticed was instead of "tipi toes", it should have been "tippy toes" or "tippi toes". Also, you spelled "remand" instead of "remained". I think you could've changed "They both stood up when they saw me, the guy grinned as I approached." to "They both stood up when they saw me and the guy grinned as I approached." I think it sounds smoother and flowier. "He said, his voice was deep and soothing." could have been changed to "He said in a deep and soothing voice."
Other then those few things, this is really great! I love the part about feeding the dog their homework and how the kids boss around their parents. I love this! I can't wait for the next chapters!
~keep writing~
marystrawberry
Thank you for taking the time to review my work! I'll get to those grammar mistakes, and some other tweeks soon... hopfuly.
Hi again! Another option for the first sentence mentioned is replacing the comma with semicolons. If you're making it a compound sentence, insert a comma before the conjunction
. Great first review, marystrawberry!
Cool, thanks! I'll see what works best.
Thank you!
Hey, that's it? I thought that you ended kind of abruptly. You just introduced the problem, and the narrator shrugs it off. Period.
I wanted to read more!!!
Now, to start, I loved the title. A Backwards World? And "Misery is Happiness?" Your idea is original, and I could tell that you had fun writing this. I just feel like I don't know enough about the characters to give a lengthy review (I'm guessing that the point of this was just to introduce them, but it might be possible to develop them a little more?).
I also want to mention something in the second paragraph: "We could have used a tiny bit more sadness in our lives." Readers may not immediately make the inference that you're referring to the Opposite opinions of people. Maybe something along these lines: "We could have used a tiny bit more sadness in our lives, as they all were depressingly happy." (Hey, there's an oxymoron.)
Then about grammar...
A few mistakes jumped out at me. 1) Run-on sentences: "It felt good to step out of my moms car, it was always so stressful teaching her to drive, but it also felt good, just grand, to have polluted the Earth a little more." You may want to consider: "Though it felt good to step out of my mom's car (it was always so stressful teaching her to drive), it felt good to have polluted the Earth a little more." 2) Some places need hyphens, like "ankle length." 3) You forgot compound words when you needed them (blueberry and outpost). 4) When you're addressing people in dialogue, you need to separate the sentence from the name with a comma.
You also wrote sand witch instead of sandwich?
Other than that, I guess that you're good. I hope that I wasn't too nitpicky! Keep writing; I can't wait to read more of this!
GoldFlame
Thanks GoldFlame!
I understand what you mean about it being kind of short, and it was/is fun writing it!
Also, you weren't too nitpicky, I need help with grammar!!!
Thank you.