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Young Writers Society


18+ Language

The Wanderers: Chapter 2 - Companions & A Crispy Corpse

by HobbitMan222


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.

Chapter 2: Companions & A Crispy Corpse

Harkyn was passing through the southern part of the city going to every bar and brothel he could find, but everyone he asked only had to look at him to realize he was a weakling, so they’d laugh at him and decline his offer. He spent the whole day looking and asking but nobody wanted to team up with a weak looking elf that was overly ambitious. Harkyn, starting to become discouraged and distraught, decided to stop his search for the day and continue the next day.

“If I can't find anyone then I guess I’m just as useless as everyone makes me out to be..”, He muttered to himself after kicking a bottle to make himself feel better. Harkyn’s stomach rumbled in response to all his running around as the sun started to set across the Capitol. He began to head toward the market district to fill his belly with what little money he did have to his name. After walking around for alittle while he saw what appeared to be a small child wrapped from head to toe in rags and a tattered cloak staring at a piece of cake in the windowsill of a bakery. Harkyn, entranced by the sight of sweets, walked up to the bakery window and in sync with the kid began to drool.

“Wouldn't that cake be good with.. A strawberry?!” Harkyn asked the child as he looked down.

The child had its face wrapped up so only it’s eyes were visible, but he could see that it was thinking the same thing. Harkyn ran inside with only a handful of copper pieces left and purchased the last 2 pieces of cake. He walked out of the bakery munching on his piece of cake and gave the second piece to the child with the added strawberry. “Here you go”, said Harkyn with a gentle smile. The child accepts the cake but looks astonished. Harkyn continues to dig in only to find the child staring at him waiting for confirmation to eat it. “We’ll go on”, nods Harkyn, “If you don't eat it the rats surely will.” The child registers his words and suddenly begins to devour the piece of cake, shoving the pastry in its mouth with both of it’s hands.

“My names Harkyn, what's yours?”, garbled Harkyn with a mouthful of cake. The child, already finished with the cake, once again stares at Harkyn. “Not much of a talker, eh?” The child shakes its head, but without words uses the Purple frosting on its hands from the cake to write out ‘Maldris’ on the wrapper. “Oh, I see. Well it's nice to meet you Maldris.” Harkyn reached out his hand and the kid complied with a gentle shake. Harkyn silently cringed at the realization that his hand was now covered in the purple residue.

“Geez you could have wiped them off or something kid”, Harkyn spoke as he wiped the sticky cream from his hands on a spare rag he had in his pocket.

“Now I'd love to stay and chat but I have some business to attend to”, He stood up and suddenly stopped. His gaze fell back on the small child.

“You wouldn't happen to know any adventurers who can hold their own do you? I’m recruiting companions for a quest I’d like to take part in. But, if not, that’s ok.”

The child just stared at him. “Well, I tried. See you around kiddo.” Harkyn smiled and waved goodbye, although he could have swore that the child's face, under all of the rags, appeared to be sad. But before Harkyn could depart from his new friend, the doors to the bar across the street flew open with a loud crash. The sudden noise made Harkyn jump and turn to find the source of the noise. Two men, one short yet large in the stomach and the second tall and lean, noticed Harkyn and made their way, stumbling toward him. They both had obviously been drinking. Probably too much in fact. They were both wearing boiled leather and chainmail with matching swords and scabbards hanging at their sides. To Harkyn, they looked like stereotypical thugs. Harkyn made a move to stand in front of Maldris and stiffened his chest,

“Don't worry kid, I’ll protect you.”

“Well, well, well. What have we got here eh? You that guy who's been asking around for some companions right?”, said the thug who's fat rolls bulged from his armour

With false confidence Harkyn replied, “Yeah, that’s me. The name’s Harkyn. Who might you be?”

The lanky twig of a man intervened, “Just some interested parties, perhaps we could strike a deal together?”

“Im listening..”, Harkyn could smell the booze on their breathe. Maldris tugged on his robe sleeve with a look of uneasiness.

“Buy me and my friend here some new gear and we will gladly join up with you free of charge … or… well… until we get to that treasure”, slurred the beer belly thug with a grin stretching across his face.

“You guys drive a hard bargain, but what of your current gear? You look pretty well stocked to me.”

The men appeared to be unpleased with his remark and slid their short swords out of their sheath.

“How about this then elf. Give us everything you own now or we will gut you right here in the street in front of that little girl!”

“Hey! No need to be sexist! That could be a boy for all you know!”

Maldris looked down at Harkyn’s feet awkwardly as he spoke. “Why don't we talk it out, there’s no need for violence.” Harkyn searched his pockets for a little bit of change and pulled out four copper pieces. As Harkyn was about to present the coins, the thugs made a move to stab Harkyn. The scene shifted as the blade was parried up in the air with a defiant clang as a flurry of cloth flew in front of Harkyn. Maldris had sprinted out from behind Harkyn and performed two perfect disarms on the thugs who, after two just as swift jabs to the pressure points in their necks, were knocked unconscious. Their bodies met the street with resounding thuds. Harkyn stood motionless. He was so surprised that he was left speechless. Maldris looked back at Harkyn, as if to get his approval. Harkyn met Maldris’s eyes and snapped back to reality.

“Holy crap Maldris! That was awesome, good job. Say, what do you think about joining me to go on an epic adventure to gain fame and fortune, huh?”

Maldris gave a decisive nod for ‘yes’.

“Great! Now all we need are a few more comrades and we’ll actually stand a chance taking the quest!” Although, Harkyn’s joy was cut short by Maldris running away toward the eastern entrance of the city.

“Wait! Where are you going?!”

“Stop right there!” boomed a voice behind Harkyn. He spun around to see a Royal Guard running in his direction, most likely alerted by the fight.

“Oh, so that’s why... Maldris…is… running…”, said Harkyn as he finally grasped the situation he was in. Panicked, he looked back to Maldris who signaled for him to follow and reluctantly did.

******************************

They both reached the eastern gate by sundown relying on lantern lights around the city to navigate. Maldris finally stopped running long enough for Harkyn to catch his breathe.

“Ugh…. thank the gods…. I never did well in Athletics Class.”

Harkyn looked up from his hunched position to see Maldris pointing at the gate. Using the lantern light to aid him, Harkyn noticed a stout figure followed by… a tail?

Maldris immediately took off after the figure. It reacted to Maldris’s approach and began to run down the nearest alleyway to its left.

“Wait! Not again…”

Harkyn grudgingly trudged after Maldris, regretting his decision to not participate in Athletics Class. Harkyn barely caught up with Maldris who finally cornered the shadow in a dead end alley way.

“Who are you?!”, rasped Harkyn, curious about the identity of the specter and gasping for air at the same time.

“I didn't do it! I was just trying to help him!”, replied the figure.

“What?”, said Harkyn finally calming down.

The ghastly figure slowly moved into the lantern light only to reveal a male dwarf pulling what appeared to be a body bag.

“Can you help me?!”

“Help you what, dispose of that body? Did you kill that person? If someone catches us with you they're gonna think we were involved. We’ll have to find a secure place to stash the body. We’ll claim it's a bag of... potatoes, that’s it, potatoes. And-”

“What the hell are you goin’ on about elf lad?! That’s not it at all!”

“It's not?”

“Not at all. I found this bloke on my last job badly hurt. His wounds are beyond my magic level. Can you help?”

“I don't know. Let me take a look and I’ll see.”

The dwarf knelt down and opened the bag to reveal a rugged middle aged human man badly burned, probably from magic fire.

“This looks bad. How’d this happen?”

“I was on a job delivering cookware to the Capital for a shady businessman and discovered this guy amongst the merchandise. He was still alive but in bad condition. Turns out the businessman was a wanted murderer so I took care of him. Sadly, after a.. Uh.. Scuffle. The cart ended up in a river and all of its wares were swept downstream, but I saved this guy and brought him here to get medical attention. I've been keeping him stable with my basic healing magic, buts that’s all I can do.”

“Ok… But, what's up with the body bag?”

“Have you ever carried someone's unconscious body 10 leagues across land. Dragging it in a body bag is so much easier. But never mind that, can you help him.”

“I think so, give me a second.”

Harkyn rummaged around in his pack of potions for a specific one he was saving for a rainy day. He produced a long necked bottle with a large basin filled to the brim with a translucent red liquid substance. “This is a very potent healing potion. I only have one in my possession… but, I suppose I can spare it”, sighed Harkyn as he popped out the cork and poured the potion into the man's mouth. At first nothing happened, the man looked as lifeless as a fish, but then suddenly the man's eyes opened and he gasped for air. His burns began to shrink as they were replaced by new skin forming at a rapid rate. He started to register his surroundings as his breathing began to steady.

“Where am I, who are you people?”, said the man suspiciously.

The dwarf enlightened him. “You’re in the Capital. I’m Vondall. These are…”

“I’m Harkyn, and this is Maldris”, replied Harkyn finishing Vondell's sentence. “What’s your name?”

“Um…”, the man grabbed his head trying to remember, “It's...it’s… Max. Maximus is my name.”

“Nice to meet you Max”, replied Vondall with a relieved smile.

Max began to rise only to realize his lower body was restrained.

“Why am I in a body bag?”

“That’s a long story”, said Vondall with a grim expression.

Vondall explain everything that had happened to Max who now sat outside of his body bag taking in the events that had unfolded.

“And that's how these fine folks here saved you”, finished Vondall.

Max responded with gratitude. “Thank you all for your help, especially you Vondall. If you had not found me aboard that sadistic businessman’s cart, I surely would have died. I can't believe I let him lure me in like that. But when I saw those whips… I… I couldn't control myself. Uh, but that's another story for another time.”

“Uh, yeah...Don’t mention it. I know what it feels like to have people take advantage of you, but that's also another story. For now, call me Von.”

“Alright”, replied Max. His attention then shifted to Maldris. “Hey, Harkyn. I've been meaning to ask. What's up with that kid? Why doesn't it talk? And…”, Max leaned in closer to whisper in Harkyn’s ear, “Is it suppose to be a boy or a girl?”

“I don't know the answer to either of those questions”, Harkyn responded puzzled. “I don't look at the world through that lens because discrimination isn't cool. I look and see a small child that doesn't talk. That’s it, period.”

“But aren't you the slightest bit curious?”

“Not really. We elves aren’t like you humans when it comes to curiosity.”

“You humans? But I thought you said that discrimina-”

“Anyway”, interrupted Von, “What brings you to the Capital Harkyn?”

Harkyn explained all of the events that lead up to their current situation.

“So, you’re looking’ for companions huh?”, said Von. “We’ll I kinda need a new job, seeing as how my last one burned out. I’d be happy to join you and Maldris if you’d allow it.”

Harkyn was exhilarated.

“Of course! Yes! Thank you!”

Max sighed, “I suppose I owe you for that potion that saved my life. Since I’m in your debt, I might as well join you too to show you my appreciation.”

Harkyn just about broke into tears of joy. “Thank you both. You won't regret it.”

“So what do we do now?”, asked Von to Harkyn.

“Well the poster I got says to go to the Castle for more information. So I guess that's where we’re heading.”

“Alright, let's do it”, replied Max still a bit groggy. He began to stand, but his legs gave out from not using them in a while. Von caught him and helped him stand up again.

“Woah, careful! The quest isn't going anywhere”, scolded Von. “Let’s take it slow at first.”

“Good idea”, Max mumbled.

They all began to walk, slowly at first, toward the Castle. Harkyn skipped every few feet, unable to contain his happiness. He had actually assembled a team of companions. He began thinking to himself that maybe he wasn't as useless as he once thought he was. This was the first step of many in becoming a famous adventurer and making a name for himself. Finally, his dream was coming true.


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1085 Reviews


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Fri Jul 08, 2016 1:09 pm
Mea wrote a review...



Hey there! I saw this in the Green Room and thought I'd come review so I can get my next star. xD

I like this! I really like Harkyn. He's a fun main character. I like Maldris too, though we don't really know much about him/her. I like the overall lighthearted tone of this. Lighthearted fantasy is just fun.

“Hey! No need to be sexist! That could be a boy for all you know!”

This line just felt out of place to me. His life is being threatened - sexism should be the last thing on his mind right now, and I'm not even sure how/why he construed that 'little girl' comment as sexist. I felt similarly with the discrimination remark later - wondering whether an androgynous person is a boy or a girl (or wondering what gender they identify as in general) isn't automatically discrimination. Plus, in medieval times no one had any concept of what discrimination was. That doesn't mean your medieval world can't, just that you should figure out why this one does. (Though I do like the implied double-standard with the humans.)

I also thought the reference to Athletics class was a bit strange, and I hope it's expounded upon, for the simple reason that medieval fantasy typically doesn't have widespread education, and usually they wouldn't have an Athletics class. To say nothing of the fact that typically medieval people wouldn't need one because they're always walking around and doing a lot of manual labor. That's not to say it couldn't work though - I'd be interested to see the context behind it.

The scene shifted as the blade was parried up in the air with a defiant clang as a flurry of cloth flew in front of Harkyn. Maldris had sprinted out from behind Harkyn and performed two perfect disarms on the thugs who, after two just as swift jabs to the pressure points in their necks, were knocked unconscious.

I was confused how Maldris managed to parry the blade, as you don't mention that they had a sword, and no matter what, parrying a blade with your arm wouldn't produce a clang and would definitely hurt.

I will say that occasionally some of your dialogue is a bit clunky or cheesy - mostly when Harkyn is being overenthusiastic. But overall, it's actually rather endearing.

That's all I can think of right now! I enjoyed this, though, and I'm not sure why you rated it 18+, since it doesn't seem to warrant the rating. Good luck with this, and keep writing!




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Wed Jun 22, 2016 1:10 am
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reikann wrote a review...



Hey! First thing I caught - no tense issues in your first paragraph. Granted, this only lasted until Harkyn entered the bakery, but I think it's a good sign nonetheless.
The early parts of this chapter feel rushed. You don't have to mention everything Harkyn does, just the important bits. Spend the time spent beginning to go places on being there instead.
Alright, the party is assembled! It's good to know what they're all doing together, and granted, it does makes sense. Your strength remains your characters. I'm glad to see the return of good party banter, too!
Oddly enough, Vondall is the character I find most interesting so far. He's rather... noble, for an implied mercenary.
As something I noticed - for Harkyn's proclamation of not noticing gender, he sure does have a party of dudes. Just sayin'.
Once again - minor spelling and grammar errors. Hey, I have an idea - aren't you writing with a buddy? Swap chapters after the one is finished and look for capitalization and comma errors. I understand not wanting to break your flow, because yeah, rereading your own stuff is an awful, awful idea if you're doing your first draft, but your buddy will need to read it anyway. If you have the time to write it, you have the time to read it!




HobbitMan222 says...


Thank you for once again giving me amazing feedback! I'm slowly but surely incorporating the things you tell me :3 Btw, don't worry. There are female characters on the way ;3 P.S. Maldris is Female, but you won't find that out until later in the story. So until then Maldris' gender remains a mystery. :)




NO U
— Carina