The Wanderers: Chapter 4 - Drinking Games Gone Wrong

Chapter 4: Drinking Games Gone Wrong

[Present Day]

Round Table Tavern was written on the sign above the door in faded red paint, hanging by a single nail and making it lean down slightly toward the right. The building itself was just as shabby and run down looking as the sign, but that didn’t stop the group from tying up their horses and inviting themselves into the tavern. Eagerly, Vondall threw open the door and was instantly greeted by the warmth of the hearth and the sounds of merrymaking accompanied by the smell of roasted boar and stale ale. The ground floor was filled to the brim with patrons sitting amongst the many wooden tables or playing darts in the back right corner near the hearth. The polished bar covered the span of the wall to the left with a staircase at the end leading up to the guest rooms. Von, looking the most in his element inquired, “Bloody hell! Where can a dwarf get a stiff drink around here?!”

“Over here Sweetie,” beckoned the barkeep with her back to them behind the counter.

“Looks like we’ve got ourselves a beautiful barkeep boys.” Said Max.

The barkeep was tall and thin with curly long blonde hair. She wore a red bandanna on her head to hold down the wild curls and a baby blue maids outfit with frilly white accents. Her voice was moderately high and the smell of lilac perfume radiated off of her. But something about her was queer. The group made their way toward the bar, checking out the subtle seductive curves of the bar keep, except Maldris, who passively took a seat at the bar with the rest.

Harkyn put his fingers to his mouth and made a high pitch whistle to compliment the barkeeps aesthetic.

“Sorry, I’m taken.” Said the barkeep.

“What’s your name sweet cheeks?” Replied Harkyn trying to flirt.

The barkeep turned around revealing a finely trimmed blonde mustache and beard stubble along with masculine facial features. Harkyn’s jaw dropped to the floor in surprise.

“Oh god! You’re, a guy.”

“Yeah, the name's Arthur but my friends call me Arty. My husband and I own and operate this tavern. What can I do for you fine gentleman?” Said Arthur nonchalantly, presumably because this wasn't the first time this had happened.

“Um…… I'll have some mutton and ale,” said Von.

“Same here,” agreed Max.

“Uh… Well… I'll have some of that roast boar with potatoes and corn on the side please.” Said Harkyn awkwardly, unsure what to think of Arthur or his own sexuality. “And I’ll have an herbal tea to balance out meal.”

“And what about you Sugar?” Said Arthur looking down at Maldris.

“Oh, uh, Maldris will have a glass of milk and some of that apple pie in the windowsill,” chimed Harkyn nudging Maldris with a smile.

“Alright, if ya’ll got any questions just let me know, okay Honey.”

“Actually, yeah,” imposed Harkyn. “Why is this place call the Round Table Tavern, if there are no round tables. All of the tables here are rectangles.”

The group hadn't really noticed at first, but he was right. There were no round tables anywhere despite the name of the establishment was The Round Table Tavern.

“That's actually a funny story, Silly. My husband Lance is a handy man and he made all of these tables. Although, he’s quite the perfectionist, if you know what I’m sayin’. He spent so much time working on the tables but could not make a perfect circular table for the life of him. So, in a furious rampage, he hacked all of his failed tables into rectangles! Oh boy, he was rough that night I’ll tell yah-”

“Good to know!” Interrupted Harkyn covering Maldris’s ears. “I don't have anymore questions.”

“Okay, suit yourself. I’ll have your boys’ orders out in a jiffy.”

And with that the man-lady bartender took off through a door behind the bar, presumably to the kitchen. Harkyn took his hands off of Maldris and relaxed.

“Glad that’s over. So, what’s the plan guys?”

“We’ll first of all we’re gonna get some long earned drinks and stay for the night,” said Von. “Max can tell you the rest, because we discussed it earlier while you were sleeping.”

Harkyn felt a little offended.

“After,” continued Max calming the mood. “We’ll head to Cliffshire to deliver the mining goods to the Dragonblade Coaster which happens to be a detachment of the Craftsmans Guild. Afterward, we'll look around for someone there that knows anything about magic that could get us leads to finding the Stonehaven Mines.”

“Seems easy enough.” Said Harkyn.

“Don’t jinx our luck elf lad." Said Von. “We already have enough problems as it is.”

At that moment, the door to the kitchen burst open and out came Arthur with their order sprawled across two platters in his hands.

“Here you are Sweeties! Enjoy!”

They gladly accepted and devoured everything on their plates.

******************************

Arthur came back around with the bill when they were finished.

“Alright boys, your total tonight's gonna be 78 copper pieces.”

The gang began to rummage in their pockets and travel packs for money, but nobody could come up with any. They were all flat out broke.

“So, funny story,” replied Harkyn. “We kinda, maybe, possibly don't have any money….”

“Are you trying to cheat me? In my fine establishment?! Lance!”

Immediately responding to his name like a dog, a very large and very muscular male Half-Orc ducked through the doorway to join his husband at his side.

“You make Arthur angry? I kill. But not inside. Arthur no like blood stains on floor." Said Lance with intimidating eyes that pierced directly into your soul. His stature alone was enough to make you shit your breeches.

“Uh…..” Said Harkyn. “Take it easy big guy, there’s no problem here… Just give us a second and we’ll figure something out. Okay?”

“Hmmm. Lance don’t trust small elf. Lance watch you like eagle.” And with that Lance returned behind the bar and into the kitchen only to stare at them through the small window in the door.

“I've got other customers to take care of, but when I come back, I expect you to have my payment.” Said Arthur.

“No problem.” Said Harkyn.

Seeming pleased, Arthur left to tend to the other patrons.

“Damn guys! What are we gonna do!” Exclaimed Max.

“Maybe we can sell our organs?” Replied Harkyn.

“You dumbass!” Rebutted Von. “Ain't nobody here got those kind of medical skills! You might as well-”

“Drinking contest!” Hollered a red haired woman sitting a few tables across from the bar. “Win big! I’ll even buy all the drinks!”

Everyone in the tavern just scowled and ignored her.

“Come on! Is everyone here a chicken! Challenge me and it will be worth your while!”

“Who’s that?” Questioned Max.

“That there’s Hadessa,” said a voice originating from the old halfling with a white beard and simple clothes sitting on the stool to Max’s left. “She’s also known as the She Devil or Hadessa the Well Endowed. She’s always conning people into challenging her to a drinking contest to make some quick coin. But I’ll tell yah. I've never seen anyone hold their liquor like that woman. Nobody can come close.”

“But we need money." Said Harkyn. “This could be our chance to pay off our bill.”

“Suite yourselves, don't say I didn't warn ya.” The old halfling finished off his pint and made his way for the exit.

“Whatever." Protested Max. “We can take her. I can hold my liquor better than anyone I know.”

“Except me." Replied Von. “We dwarves are known for our tolerance to alcohol. I would wipe the floor with you.”

“Oh yeah!”

“Yeah!”

“Prove it!”

“Then let's do this!”

They both abruptly jumped out of their seats and made their way toward Hadessa.

“Wait for me guys!” Yelled Harkyn as he followed.

***************************

Hadessa was clad in leather armor with pieces of plate armor covering her well endowed chest, forearms, and knees. Her pale white skin contrasted her red hair that blazed like a fire, accompanied by angelic facial features covered in freckles. She was surprised to see an elf, dwarf and man approach her.

“We accept your challenge!” Proudly exclaimed Max slamming his fist on the table.

“Alright! ‘Bout time!” Said Hadessa excitedly. “The names Hadessa.”

Max introduced his comrades. “I'm Maximus, this is Vondall, and that squeamish being over there is Harkyn.”

“What the hell Max!” Cried Harkyn.

“What? You're shaking so much over there that I had to say something.”

“It's just…. I've never had alcohol before.” Said Harkyn sheepishly.

“Really?!” Said Von surprised.

“Really.” Replied Harkyn.

Hadessa, seeming to enjoy their discussion intervened. “We’ll it looks like it's your lucky day. Along with trying the nectar of the gods for the first time, you could win a lot of money! So let's get started. First off I’ll buy all the drinks, since you so kindly joined me to help end my boredom. Next, each person puts in a minimum bet of 5 silver pieces. Lastly, whoever drinks the most liquor within the hour and doesn't pass out or throw up wins the all of the money in the pool. Sound good?”

“We'll." Said Max. “We don't have any money to bet, but we do have a carriage out front loaded with expensive mining equipment that we’ll bet between the three of us.”

“Okay." Agreed Hadessa. “I'll even raise my bet to 35 silver pieces to match your bet. Are we all set now?”

“Yup.”

“Yeah.”

“I guess?”

“Ok then let's get started!”

The first round of drinks came along and everyone started chugging while Maldris sat and watched from the bar, holding a half empty glass of milk.

The first round was finished but Harkyn didn't look so good. By the time the second round of drinks came along he was passed out on the floor.

Eleven rounds later Max threw up the contents of his stomach. Little to his knowledge, because shortly after he passed out on the table, he unintentionally aimed his stream of fluids at an unsuspecting and unconscious Harkyn on the floor. Five rounds later, Von was beginning to feel his breaking point. Hadessa didn't look too well either.

“Damn! For a little guy you sure are giving me a run for my money. Hiccup!” Said Hadessa thoroughly intoxicated.

“I won't let you beat me! Hiccup!” Said Von slurring his words. “I've got too much on the line! Hiccup!”

The next round came along and Von slowly took it down, growing more nauseous with each gulp. He went to finish the last of his ale only to spill it on himself. His head began to droop, and his vision started to fade. The last thing he could remember was Hadessa smiling at him and then everything went black.

********************************

There was a sound of birds chirping and wind blowing against the grass as Von regained consciousness and opened his eyes. He could feel the warmth of the sun shining on his face with the sweet smell of fresh air flowing through his nostrils accompanied by an unpleasant odor. His vision began to focus, only to find Maldris staring at him square in the eyes.

“Ahhh! Maldris! Don't do that!” Shrieked Von.

“Ahhh!” Shrieked Max, suddenly awakened by Von. “What the hell is happening Von?!”

“Sorry! Maldris just startled me. That’s all.”

“Keep it down guys! I'm trying to sleep.” Said Harkyn, lazily sleeping in a bundle of hay.

“Where are we?” Asked Von.

“You're in the stables,” replied a familiar voice. It was the old halfling from the night before. “This child and I carried you fellas out here after you passed out and lost that drinking contest.”

His head began to ache, but Von remembered himself losing consciousness.

“Well that explains the smell. So I'm assuming we lost, huh?” Said Von. “Then that means-.” Alarmed, Von struggled to his feet and sprinted to where they tied up their horses. The carriage was gone.

“She left about a few hours ago heading toward Cliffshire.” Said the old halfling, striding out of the stables. “I warned you, remember? If you leave now you should be able to catch up to her within a few days.”

By this time the rest of the group had assembled around Von.

“Ugh, nasty,” protested Harkyn examining the lower half of his robe. “There's vomit on my robes! I just got this cleaned! Who did it?!”

Max slyly looked away as he wiped some leftover vomit from his mouth.

“You probably did that to yourself Harkyn! Go wash yourself in that horse trough over there!"  Commanded Von, directing Harkyn to the nearest horse trough. 

"Geez, Von. Sorry." Replied Harkyn.

Von took a deep breathe to calm himself. "No, I'm sorry Harkyn it's not your fault. I'm just frustrated is all." He then turned his attention to the old halfling. “Thanks for all you help mister. By the way, we never did get your name.”

“It's Tristoff. Harlem Tristoff. Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

“No the pleasure is ours." Replied Von shaking his hand as Harkyn complained about cleaning his robe behind them.

"I'll tell you what gives me pleasure." Said Max grinning, being a smart-ass.

Suddenly the doors to the tavern flew open at a high velocity with a loud “phoom!” Lance stood in the doorway.

“There you are! Lance find you for Arthur, he did. You try to skip out on bill. Lance can not allow! Lance kill you now!” With that he began to run toward the group, his feet thundering with every step.

“Oh shit! Guys! Let's get out of here!” Screamed Harkyn extremely terrified as he pulled his robes out of the trough and began sprinting down the road.

The group had no arguments, they fled just as fast.

“Good bye foolish heroes! Be careful out there! And I hope you get your stuff back! BYE!!!”

And with Tristoff's final farewell, the group faded into the horizon with a trail of water and a large green giant in hot pursuit.