Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
Chapter 1: A Royale Request
[One day earlier]
The royal city of Lares is always bustling with commotion, though to most, the city is only known as the Capital. The townspeople all go about their lives like clockwork, repeating the same old ritual of putting out the fire in street lamps for the coming morning. The sun cast its glow into the bowl shaped city as a warm breeze flowed through the stuffy marketplace giving a fresh breath to an otherwise crowded location. The smells of fresh and warm baked goods filled the breeze with a sense of hospitality accompanied by the aroma of incense burning in the many shops of the market place.
Here any adventurer could find anything they needed. To the North of the city you can find a magnificent castle erected as a last line of defense during the Great War. Back in those days, the castle stood as a symbol of the last stand for humanity. Nowadays, the castle stand as a monument for human potential and houses the royal family headed by his highness King Ducain Ainsworth lll. Residing to east of the Castle, a tall black structures known as the Obelisk of Heroes that is engraved with the names of past and current heroes, towers Over The Fields of the Fallen. To the south of the Castle in the center of the city is the City Hall where domestic issues not concerning the King are resolved. Inside, a sprawling atrium spans the area inside the entrance with adventurers, townspeople, and nobles alike, bustling about their business for the day. Offices fill the wings of the building to the east and west of the atrium. Opposite of the entrance are two door ways hugging the far sides of the wall leading into the hearing room where official decisions are made by the Court of Lords put in charge by the King. Lining the wall between the doorways directly across from the front entrance is the infamous Quest Board. This is where quests are given to adventurers looking for a way to make riches and work towards eventually havimg their names carved into the Obelisk.
It is here, among the crowd of people, we find a novice adventurer overlooking the Quest Board looking for a quest to find fame and fortune, a High-Elf named Harkyn.
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Harkyn stood inquisitively in front of the Quest Board of The City Hall in the Capital, contemplating which quest he would embark on. He scanned the endless list of quests thoroughly until a plain yet elegant piece of parchment with the words ‘Treasure’ caught his eye. His eyes sparkled at the possibilities. Harkyn was trying to make a name for himself ever since he dropped out of the Magic Academy in Alfheim and left his noble elven family. He wanted to live his own life, and what better way than to make a name for himself being a treasure hunting adventurer. Although it appeared that the poster was not all about the treasure. It was about a mysterious artifact located at the bottom of the mythical Stonehaven Mine whose location was lost in time but legend still lives on.
Harkyn remembered reading a history book back during his days at school that recalled a time long ago when a prosperous city called Stonehaven existed. The city sat atop a famous mine known as the Stonehaven Mine that was rich in ore and magic crystals. Many revolutionary discoveries and technological advancements were made but the city and the mine were eventually destroyed in a battle during the great war that Harkyn couldn’t quite remember because he was too busy messing around in the academy rather than becoming more knowledgeable. Harkyn recovered from his wave of nostalgia and continued to read the poster. The quest was to locate the mine and find the artifact for the King and all treasure found in the process would be payment. Harkyn had to do a double take when he saw the word ‘King’. This was a royal quest! Most royal request were dealt with privately between the royal family and famous groups of adventurers. Although there have been rare instances when the King publicly posts a royal request for the populace to undertake to prove their worth and gain fame and fortune. The best part was that anybody could take it!
Excited, Harkyn continued to read once more. It went on to say that the king would give the individual or group who finds the artifact extra compensation after its retrieval, other than the treasure in the mine, for the trouble. Plus transportation was included! This was a once in a lifetime opportunity that Harkyn couldn't pass up. He ripped down the poster and was about to make off with it when he ran into a tall and muscular man in full ornate plate armor behind him.
Harkyn fell clumsily to the ground landing on his ass.
“Ow! Oh, sorry sir. I didn’t mean to run into you.” Said Harkyn apologetically after picking himself up and brushing himself off. The man stared at him with a confused, yet handsome and chiseled face. He noticed that the man had three other people with him. There was a half human, half elf female wizard wearing purple jewel encrusted robes with a witches hat, a dark elf rogue, from the looks of it, in black leather armor that matched his skin, and a male Half-Orc bard wearing extra large chain mail.
“Well, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be on my way.” Said Harkyn sheepishly as he tried to slither away from the situation. The man stepped in front of him again blocking his escape. He softened his expression and said,
“Hold on a second friend, what’s your name?”
“Harkyn, sir.”
“Oh, don’t call me sir. The name's Heathcliff Montreal. Maybe you’ve heard of me?”
Harkyn was shocked. This guy was famous!
“You mean the famous adventurer that slayed the hydra in the Bay of Heroes and has his name on the obelisk!?”
“The very same. Do you know how hard it is to kill a hydra? Let’s just say it’s very hard to spare you the details. Say, what have you got there in your hand friend?” Heathcliff replied noticing the piece of parchment in Harkyn’s hand.
“Uh… just a quest I’m thinking about taking on.”
“What kind of quest?”
But before Harkyn could respond, Heathcliff snatched the poster out of his hand and read its contents. His expression immediately turn pale and sour.
Heathcliff looked at the paper he now held in astonishment.
“You got this on the quest board?”
“That’s right.”, answered Harkyn sheepishly.
“I’m sorry friend, but this quest appears to be too difficult for you. I’ll take it over for you to keep you safe.”
“No, it’s alright. I’m sure I'll be fine.”
Harkyn went to reach for the poster but was surprised when Heathcliff pulled away, holding the poster out of his reach.
“I’m sorry but the King must have made a mistake. You see, only adventurers such as myself are tasked with undergoing royal requests, so rightfully it belongs to me.”
“That’s not fair! It was publicly posted so anyone can take it!”
“Sorry friend, not today. Maybe one day you’ll be half as good as me and get presented with an opportunity to take on a similar request. But for now I must take my leave from you.”
Heathcliff gave a small bow accompanied by a grin. Harkyn was furious. This was his one shot at making a name for himself and it was about to slip through his fingers. He wasn’t going to let this pompous asshole bully him. Heathcliff began to turn to walk away but Harkyn quickly spoke some words of power and summoned the cantrip ‘light’. An intensely bright ball of light the size of a human head appeared suddenly in Heathcliff’s face, blinding him and causing him to drop the poster. Harkyn snatched it out of the air before Heathcliff regained his senses.
Heathcliff’s companions readied themselves for a fight.
“You sneaky little-”
Heathcliff stopped as he realized that the commotion was beginning to attract a crowd. It wouldn’t be good for his reputation if he was caught doing something unheroic like beating up a defenseless elf over a quest. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breathe to recompose himself and called off his companions.
Quietly, yet fully audible to Harkyn, Heathcliff threatened him saying,
“I will remember this Harkyn the Elf. You will regret the day you crossed me.”
He gave a sinister smile before pivoting on his heels and strutting toward the door with his party in full tow behind him.
“Wfew. That could have been bad”. Harkyn whispered under his breathe as his anxiety started to subside. He looked again at the poster, then himself. He was weak and ill equipped compared to Heathcliff. Heathcliff even had companions that aided him in combat. Harkyn, realizing he would be no match for the quest alone, decided that he was going to need companions as well if he wanted to survive and complete the quest. On the way into the city from the south he had passed many tough looking men and women in the district opposite of the market district. It was known as the rougher side of the city but it was his only chance of gaining companions seeing as he had little to no money to pay for companions or bodyguards. He would have to look for other adventurers down on their luck and looking to make some money. Harkyn prayed to his elven gods that he might find a few kindred souls and set off toward the south of the city.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Hey there , yizhongt here to leave a review. I love fantasy adventure stories, so when I saw yours, I had to read it. Let me say that I'm not disappointed that I did. I loved it! The descriptions you gave about the Capital was magnificent. You can actually picture yourself there, in the capital itself. The world building you have also undertaken is good and you don't dump a whole lot of information on the readers, so that's good.
And I love the main character so far. He's got guts to go up against a famous adventurer. I can't wait to see how he and what I assume will be the antagonist or anti-hero will get along and interact with one another .
Grammar and spelling wise you are fine as I did not find anything glaring while reading through it. The story also flowed well and did not drag on or appear to be moving to hastily. All in all, this is an excellent piece of work and I really enjoyed it. Can't wait to read the next few chapter. Keep up the good work and keep writing!
Kicking things off! I like the idea of the Quest Board and Obelisk. It makes heroism as a profession make good sense in this setting, and Harkyn's motivation makes sense as well.
Ah ha, the serious adventurer rivals, foil to every group of ragtag misfits! 'Jewel encrusted robes' - is there a better way to phrase that? I can't make the mental image work, but maybe that's on me.
Once again, your characters are the best point of your writing. Heathcliff and Harkyn are both understandable and have distinct characters. I hope we'll get to see the rest of Heathcliff's party later on - they sorta just hung out in the background this time.
There's something flaky going on with the tenses in your opening paragraph. If you want to establish the setting in present tense - do it! If you want to do it in past tense - do it! One or the other, though, please. Establishing your setting in present tense and then swapping to past for the narrative would keep things cleaner if you wanted to use present for setting.
You mentioned in the comments of your prologue that you might be swapping between authors. Is this what's happening here? For my own curiosity, ofc. It doesn't distract from anything important. ^.^
Anywho, I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Keep it up!
Thank you for the continuous feedback! And yes, that is exactly what's happening. I myself have noticed the tense swapping due to my buddy and I going in and editing it, but have been too lazy to go back and fix it because I want to keep on writing. Thank you for enjoying it or putting up with it, either is fine by me. Anyway thanks for sticking with it. It means a lot to me. Prepare yourself for the next chapter, because your going to meet the companions and a crispy corpse! :3
I really like the way this chapter starts out. Once again, the description of the city that you give, makes it feel like you are almost there. It gives you a nice sense of wonder and adventure, and brings back memories of my days playing dungeons and dragons and world of warcraft.
I like the clumsy, yet ambitious hero you have made Harkyn out to be, and I can tell that the story is setting up for something interesting. This pitting of two groups against each other will most likely be interesting.
Harkyn is going up against all odds trying to face the superior hero and his group, and taking on a quest that seems to be well above his skill level, and it will be fun to see how he attempts to jump through these hoops to gain his desired place as a famous adventurer. I cant wait to see how he finds his fellow group members, or even gets them to join him on his seemingly suicidal quest.
Keep up the good work, and I cannot wait to read more from this piece!
Just you wait. There is more to come :3