Untitled Ch.3

Hey people! I would really appreciate it if you can help me out with a title when you review. I still don't have one.

It was chilly when they got to the village, even though it was almost noon. Everyone was out on the streets, for an apparent reason. Today was market day, a form of entertainment for the villagers. It was very festive, more of a celebration than an excuse to shop, although it was that, to whoever needed one.

Scarlet hadn’t forgotten that she was mad at her friends, but she cheered up at the site of the festivity ,as they entered the village. It was very colorful, with all the tables draped in red cloth, the favorite color of countess Alia. On the large stands, people had set their products ,which varied from table to table.

Scarlet loved market day ,even though people that went there were mostly middle classed. She knew how prejudiced the majority of the high class part of the village was. They believed that market day was a day when their servants could stock the house and it was by no means a day when they would dare to go out into the main centre ,for fear of having to fraternize with the lower class.

They were missing masses of fun by being the way they were. The most entertaining things happened during that day. She didn’t mean the dancers and singers that had come together to entertain the people, although that was definitely part of it. During market day ,everyone picked up the latest gossip and met their friends and just enjoyed themselves. There was a certain festivity in the air, that made that day truly enjoyable.

Savoii saw a rack of perfumes and she was instantly enchanted by it ,however Marie had different intentions.

“Sa-a-a-v ! Please no! Didn’t we already agree on going over to Chris’s house?” – Marie’s voice sounded frustrated as she called to her friend.

Scarlet smiled slightly and then she shook her head slowly.

“And I thought you brought me here to cheer me up.” – Scarlet said with fake remorse. She had easily forgiven her friends, after she was engulfed by the atmosphere.

Marie looked at Scarlet blushing. “Well yeah…that, too, you know?”- She stammered as she got the words out.

Savoii looked at Marie, slightly annoyed.

“Tell you what. Why don’t we separate? You can go see Prince Charming, I can go shopping and Scarlet can do whatever she wants to.”- Savoii finally said.

Marie blushed even more, if that was possible. “Ok.”- was all she said.

Scarlet was glad to have an excuse not to sit around Chris and Marie. It was one of the most repulsive sights, ever, and it was hardly how she imagined spending her day. It was so obvious that they both liked each other but none of them would do anything about it because they were both so shy.

Unfortunately she didn’t feel like shopping, either so she decided to just kind of roam around the village and meet up with her friends later.

When she left the main centre, the festivity stayed behind and she faced the normal dusty roads that most people had to get accustomed to, if they lived here.

The roads were lonely , she was the only one walking on this particular one. It gave her some time, to decide what she should do.

It was a hard decision. While she knew so much about the book she could not just set out on her own ,it would mean suicide ,but at the same time she could not involve her friends, because that would not be fair to them.

It was as she was deep in thought when she suddenly heard a group of hushed voices. She quickly looked up, trying to detect the origin of the sound. Who could it be? No one walked around lonely roads like this, not on market day. She felt her pulse quicken as she walked towards the hushed voices. She was getting closer and closer by the minute.

Suddenly she stop dead in her tracks and leaned against a wall. She had seen them. The people whose hushed voices she had heard. They were obviously noble, their clothes and posture from the slight glimpse that she had said it all. She tried to concentrate on what they were saying. It seemed as if they were arguing.

“Lisle, we can’t wait any longer, just because Anne left us, is no reason not to go on with the original plan.” – Scarlet heard a frustrated man’s voice.

“No, you listen to me Karl, we will not expose ourselves to any threat. Going THEN would’ve been foolish when we had FOUR people ready to die for the book.”- The woman, whose name was Lisle, sounded more frustrated than Karl.

Scarlet’s heart began pounding. They were talking about the book. She was sure it was her book. She listened closely.

“May I cut in?”- A third male voice, that sounded calm, interrupted.-“I don’t believe we should be discussing our plans in such an obvious place.”- Scarlet’s heart began pounding loudly as she heard footsteps.

“Especially as we already have someone listening.”-The mild voice walked towards her and she was suddenly face to face with its owner. She had been discovered.

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
Hecate
Comment

Thank you, that was very, very enriching and now I really know how to make my story better.

I'm glad you like it by the way.

User avatar
MeadowLark
Review

Heya!

I really like the storyline so far. But I think you could go into more detail on what the town looks like. Or even the gathered people. Is there music playing? Was the smell of fresh bread floating on the breeze? Where are the performers...performing and what are they dressed in? I know they aren't part of the story, but it would seem more realistic if you should the reader the sights and sounds.

“Sa-a-a-v ! Please no! Didn’t we already agree on going over to Chris’s house?” – Marie’s voice sounded frustrated as she called to her friend.


This is really annoying. I'm sorry to say but you don't need a dash after the puncuation marks. Take out all those dashes! They're distracting and annoying!

Unfortunately she didn’t feel like shopping, either so she decided to just kind of roam around the village and meet up with her friends later.


That comma after shopping should be moved to after either. It makes more sense as there isn't a natural pause after shopping ^_^

Suddenly she stop dead in her tracks and leaned against a wall.


She stopped dead, not stop.

She had seen them. The people whose hushed voices she had heard. They were obviously noble, their clothes and posture from the slight glimpse that she had said it all. She tried to concentrate on what they were saying. It seemed as if they were arguing.


Perhaps you could describe these mysterious people. Yes, they're wearing noble looking clothes but what colour of hair do they have? Say she can't see their faces but their hair, height and gender would be seen.

Overall: I love the storyline and the characters are likeable too. I hope I didn't sound too harsh because it's good. You just need to add a little more description. Not too much but enough to give the reader some sight, sounds and smells. It helps your world come to life ^_^

Title: Well, I'm not going to suggest anything 'cause I can't even name my own stories. But, since she really, really wants to find this book, put the book into the title. Like the Book of Wishes. Okay that title sounds kinda clicheish but something or other ^_^

Happy Writing!

Meadow



Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and the shadows will fall beyond you.
— Walt Whitman