.

I was a little bit disappointed reading this because I really wanted that otherworldly feel you get when you visit another country. You had no visual descriptions of the town of Dubai. It felt like this could’ve been set in America. I wanted to be moved by the accounts and stories of the people living in Dubai, but instead you tell this from the perspective of some brainless teenagers. I just didn’t get this, sorry. I would’ve read on if you had more posted, and I think you cut this off before you could really get the ball rolling.

Hi Stelagineva, here as you requested.

This sounds interesting. Certainly nothing like I've heard. I'm not sure where this is going, but I'm curious.

Onto the review:

Nitpicks:

The streets were brightly lit[color-#FF0000]:[/color] something that hardly made an impression on me anymore.

Because Elyssa was one of the somewhat “popular” people at our school.

Elyssa was rich. The only reason why we were in a cab right now was because they had recently fired their driver, but they would soon hire a new one.

There were two boys waiting there. One was tall with longish hair and piercing blue eyes: Fred. The other one was a bit shorter, but still considerably tall with brownish eyes and muddy (Use your descriptions!) hair: John. The half Brazilian, half German boy that Elyssa was convinced would be my perfect match.

John smiled a cocky smile as he saw us.
'Hey Elyssa'. He said in a sexy voice. 'And who is your friend?"
'This is Sophia.' She said, a Cheshire cat type of smile spreading across her face. 'Sophia only came to Dubai last January.'
'Hello Sophia' He shook my hand. 'I'm John and this is Freddie'
'Hi.' I said, my voice barely audible.
'Elyssa, I need a cig, do you mind if we go parking lot?' He said, with deliberate bad grammar, Dubai style. I didn't smoke. In fact I hated smoke. In fact, it made me sick.
'Sure, why not?' Elyssa said. I didn't say anything. I just followed. I didn't want to be the party pooper.

John smiled a cocky smile as he saw us.
'Hey Elyssa,’ he said in a sexy voice. 'And who is your friend?"
'This is Sophia,' she said, a Cheshire cat type of smile spreading across her face. 'Sophia only came to Dubai last January.'
'Hello Sophia.' He shook my hand. 'I'm John and this is Freddie.'
'Hi,' I said, my voice barely audible.
'Elyssa, I need a cig, do you mind if we go parking lot?' he said, with deliberate bad grammar, Dubai style. I didn't smoke. In fact I hated smoke. It made me sick.
'Sure, why not?' Elyssa said. I didn't say anything. I just followed. I didn't want to be the party pooper.

Hai there! Here as requested.

First off, grammar is a big thing with me. I'm not going to sit and point out everything that was wrong in this, because there were plenty of things wrong. When I was a new writer, I would always push grammar to the bottom of my list. Now that I realize grammar is important, I don't. You can use grammar to help display tone and feeling, and overall make the story less of a choppy one. I recommend this article to help you: topic44898.html

characters

Sophie (Sophia?)- I'm not quite sure if I like her. I mean, she sounds like a typical teenager, and her personality and aspirations will definitely help you with your story, but her thoughts are very superficial and a bit annoying. If I were you, I would soften her up a bit. If you did, she would definitely be a character that I would love to see have a happy ending.

Her thoughts: tell us all of those things you already do, but let us down easy. Don't pile all of her thoughts and dreams on us at one point. Gradually explain the reason she's there, her status in friends, and the boy. At the moment you pile it on us so much at once, well, it's a lot to take in.

Elyssa- She confuses me. You say she is all popular and rich, yet her personality isn't very like the usual popular and rich characters in stories. If you want to make her seem popular and rich, have her be a little more fierce, and a little more confident. At the moment, she doesn't really talk much, and she passes for a cig. I can totally see a girl like her take the cigarette, so you might want her to.

The boys- They are perfect, though I was getting a bit confused. You should have Fred talk more, since he is obviously the boy for Elyssa, therefore in the less awkward position.

Plot

Hmm, it's hard to determine this at the moment, since nothing really has happened. I would suggest, though, for you to create a bit more chemistry between Sophia and John. At the moment, it's really awkward, and awkward to read. I just want to slap your MC in the face for acting so awkward, haha. With no chemistry, this would have no story, since the main subject seems to be the blind date.

Your characters are very promising, and your plot seems interesting. If I were you, though, I would explain more about Dubai, because I live in the US, and when you talk about stereotypes, I have no idea what you're talking about. It shouldn't be too hard. If you mention it before she meets the boys, when she is describing things, it should be simple.

Keep writing!

Classy

Mmkay! You asked, and shall receive!
What I would change it to

The streets were brightly lit, something that hardly made an impression on me anymore. I sat in the cab, backseat, not making any eye contact with the cabbie. I had on about a pound of make up on, real hair extensions, fake nails, fake eyelashes, and clothes that cost enough to feed a third world country for a year. That was mostly because of Elyssa's sudden decision that me and her best guy friend John were a perfect match. She was sitting next to me right now, smiling at me, a thinner version of her. It was her clothes, her hair, her make up. It was her. Fake and shallow.

Why did I put up with it? Because, Elyssa was one of the somewhat popular people at our school. Shallow as I was, that mattered to me. I was sick of hanging out with my old friends, the friends that never put on a mask of make up and clothes that did not define them. The friends I so easily laughed with. But I had to stick with Elyssa. Elyssa knew people. Elyssa was rich. The only reason why we were in a cab right now was because they had recently fired their driver- but they would soon hire a new one. Elyssa threw parties for thousands of Dirhams. Everyone talked about her parties after they happened. I was at her last one, at her hotel. Yes, Elyssa's father owned a hotel. And she threw a 'My Super Sweet Sixteen' style party, with a DJ, champagne, huge dance floor, vodka, and about half the population of our school and some people from out of school. It was killer. Even then, I didn't like her much.

We didn't talk much as we reached Dubai Mall. There wasn't much to talk about. The cab parked in front of the Grand Atrium, one of the many entrances there. The fare read somewhere about 30 Dhs, which we promptly split. Then we made our way to the cinema. There were two boys waiting there. One was tall with longish hair and piercing blue eyes- that was Fred. The other one was a bit shorter, but still considerably tall with brownish eyes and brown hairthat was John, the half Brazilian half German boy that Elyssa was convinced would be my perfect match. Why? Because we both liked McDonald's. It was that simple in Elyssa's world.

John smiled a cocky smile as he saw us.
"Hey Elyssa." he said in a sexy voice. "And who is your friend?"
"This is Sophia." she said, a Cheshire cat type of smile spreading across her face. "Sophia only came to Dubai last January."
"Hello Sophia." He shook my hand. "I'm John, and this is Freddie."
"Hi." I said, my voice barely audible.
"Elyssa, I need a cig, do you mind if we go parking lot?" he said, with deliberate bad grammar, Dubai style. I didn't smoke. In fact, I hated smoke. It made me sick.
"Sure, why not?" Elyssa said. I didn't say anything. I just followed. I didn't want to be the party pooper.

Soon, we were at the parking lot. John took out a 'cig' and gave one to his friend. Then he offered Elyssa one. She shook her head. She didn't smoke. Yet. He offered me one. "No." I said, in a voice that came out colder than I intended. Oh god, what if he hated me?

"So we got in a fight, Elyssa," John said, speaking to her as much as he did to me. "Got pretty dirty. The other people got a knife. Injured one of ours. Had to take him to the hospital." I stared wide eyed. Was he kidding? Did this happen in Dubai?!

"Idiot." Elyssa muttered.

"Where was this?" I spoke for the first time.

"By Spinneys, Meadows." I could not believe it. Meadows was one of the neighborhoods where high class people lived. How could this happen there? He didn't seem to be joking.

"Gonna beat the crap out of that bratty idiot*. " John said spitefully as he sucked in his cigarette. Lung cancer. I thought. Elyssa laughed her fake laughter as she sat down. Wrong move- whatever she was wearing was too short. Way too short.

I really don't get the point of this, but still this is the request you made for a review!

First of all, this idea isn't original. I've heard a lot of this stuff. And I really don't like the swearing. I mean, who swears for no reason at all?

And, some things didn't make sense. For the cab fee, if Elyssa was rich, why did they split the money?

'Elyssa, I need a cig, do you mind if we go to the parking lot?' He said

Hi. I really liked this. I've never read anything like this before so it definitly sparked my interest. I liked how you had your puncuation. But I don't want to be all about punc. and spelling, I liked the idea of the story. The only thing though is that I think you should put more emotion into it. Put more of Sophie's emotion into the begginng and then I think it will be great. Keep on posting more of this, I really want to read more. Please PM when you post. Awesome Job!

Hi. First off, this isn't the type of story that appeals to me, but I can see how it might be popular in the world with you kids and your music....and your nuclear physics....and your Moby Grape, but I'm rambling. Instead, I'm going to lecture you on your format and grammar! You have your story formatted very well, with good description, but one thing all literature needs, no matter what genre, is no rambling. Try not to drag on one description for 5 paragraphs. *not meant in a jerky way* So! In a few places, you don't use certain punctuations. For EXAMPLE!

"So we got in a fight, Elyssa" John said,