Inspiration
12:30 AM,
Locked in with the best of friends:
Me, myself and I.
* * * * *
Acne
While writing, I pick
At the red bumps on my face
And, oh crap, they bleed.
* * * * *
Aura
Standing next to her,
In the cloud of her perfume,
His breathing speeds up.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hello!
Haha, Haiki! Were you by any chance involved with the discussion thread for the first event and the major war about what the plural of Haiku was?
Anyway, well done. The first one was your Olympic entry no?
They are all three very good. Haiki are really nice to write because there is little room for mistakes. You just can't explore feelings when writing them because they are so short.
I like the titles, they added another dimension to the haiki and gave you an idea of what was going to happen, but then you twisted the idea and gave us something different. Like the title Aura, I assumed that you would write about something mythical and strange. But you percieved the Aura as a cloud of perfume.
Anyway, Well Done!
Keep Writing,
~Lydia
Ooh! Haikus! Or is it really "haiki" as you said? Meh, I haven't a clue.
I really like the first one, using the time for a line. It's not something I commonly see in haikus(haiki), mainly because a lot of people get sucked into the whole opinion that nature's the only thing they can be about. I seriously did a poll at my school, I'm not kidding with this; the majority of people said they had to be about nature.
Generally silly, some nice ideas, and in haikus(haiki) there's not much grammar errors, less room for spelling errors, and clarity is usually a given. I have nothing bad to say about this. Not that that's a bad thing, but it's...wierd. Short poetry just does that. Again, it's not bad, just a little...wierd, for some reason.
I'm getting off topic. The pieces are fantastic, with some good themes and some smiles. So keep it up, and have a lucky day!