Note :
This is a poem I wrote a very long time ago. Actually, this was the very first poem I wrote. I just found this at the back of an old notebook. Thought I would share it over here. I know it's a bit botched up and really different from the stuff I write now, but I wanted to post this the exact way I first wrote it.
Get away,
let me be.
Five thousand days I have spent,
searching among the debris.
Probing for answers,
this crippled mind.
Seeking the truth,
of what's left behind.
So stop with this charade,
because I have had enough.
You've fooled me for far too long,
Stop acting tough.
I may be shivering,
but it's not from the cold.
For you have fueled,
the hate inside.
I may be whimpering,
but it's not from the fear.
For you have got,
nowhere left to hide.
Now while you fall from grace,
a smile etches on my face.
But for you,
a torrid fate awaits.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Yay, another great poem! <3
That's an excellent trait.
Firstly, I don't have any problems with the commas since I do the same thing because the commas at the end of each line indicates continuation. And I kind of like capitalization and punctuation in poems. It looks nice and formal, I guess. :v
It's a very bold poem and I think I haven't told you this before but your poems contain a wide range of good vocabulary. You use words (and use them well) which I didn't know could fit into poems.
If this was your first, I wonder what you'll come up with next.
Keep writing,
~Gigi
Thaaaakkksss
Yep. this was my first, and I hope I don't disappoint you with my next ones
Hello there! Unknown391625 here with another review!
Ok so, for a first poem, this is great! I tells about hate and loathe and the feeling of it. It shows good rhyming, so it has a good structure and is rhythmical. I did realize there were unneeded commas. Don't want to add a lot of things that are unneeded. Also, as Sherri realized, most poets didn't use a lot of punctuation and capitalization. It is still good though. I really enjoy it. Definitely good for a first. Anyways, you categorized the genres and the age rating perfectly. You definitely do lots of more poetry. If you need help, i have wrote several poems, so PM me or anyone else on the site. Anyways, great job! An amazing first start for you. I will look for more poems by you. Don't give up and always write!
-Unknown391625
Thanks!
Hey!
Especially for a first (mine was in first grade, with the roses are red, violets are blue stuff XD ), this shows good rhyming and structure. I did notice that there are commas where there needn't be, so you may need to look at that if you wish. I mean, some poets don't use any capitalization or commas, or anything, so it's all up to your personal tastes 
This is a great poem
This is really beautiful; did you love poetry even when you first write this?
Keep writing!
Thanks
I used to like reading poems, but nothing serious. It was after writing this, that I got more interested in poetry and all.
And I love you avatar. Hehehhe
Wow, this is really good! I love the few rhymes and the wording. I wish I could write poems as amazingly as you! When did you write this? I certainly love it, and even for your very first poem! Congrats! I will definitely read more of your stuff.
Thanks!
I'm not exactly sure, but I think I wrote this when I was 16, so like 2 years ago.
So, what inspired this, do you remember?
I don't exactly remember, but I think it was on self hate.