From the ethereal pillow,
that cushioned every dream.
Its fleecy covers rippling,
with a dozen muffled screams.
To the creaking swingset,
for the early part of my years.
That I swayed along with,
as I gave in to my fears.
Then a spiralled notebook,
its pages musty and tattered.
Tethered to its very spine,
everything that mattered.
Next was an aged mirror,
tempered and cracked.
Reflecting back at me,
what I had always lacked.
Finally to the shallow grave,
that set me free.
Bringing the list to an end,
of the houses that haunt me.
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140,752 Literary Works • 673,686 Reviews
Hm. thought-provoking. I thought this was based off real events, until the last stanza. Then I was so sure.
keep writing!
I may have detected one misspelling: "spiraled"? I think you added an extra 'l'.
But on to the important stuff! Content: I guess I kinda touched on that. I like the classic format, rhyming and rhythm scheme, yet somehow you managed to make it personal all the same.
I think the first stanza is the most powerful for me. I feel that in my poetry especially, the first and last stanzas are packed with inspiration and emotion, and the middle is kind of...eh.
Not sure if you feel the same. XD
Overall pretty good. I don't believe I've read any of your other stuff or know of your other poetry, if you have any, so I don't have anything to compare it to. All the same, lovely job.
I actually think this is a pretty good poem. This is going to be kind of a quick review seeing as how my class is almost over but you know what let's get to it!
I love two things about this poem, one of them being that you used punctuation. Most people don't think to use punctuation for poetry, but it's actually quite essential in getting certain points across.
The other thing I loved is that this is indeed a personal poem. Most people always write about "deep" stuff, but they never talk about how they feel about it, or their own feelings towards it, and while I don't think there's much of that in here, I do appreciate that you use a wide sense of imagery to convey certain things that are happening and what they mean to you.
Good poem and good job.
Hey there! Delirium here to give you a review!
This is a very interesting poem. Before I even clicked on it, the title had me intrigued. However, by the end of the poem, I get the sense that it is perhaps more than just the houses that haunt the narrator.
The way that you organized it made it very pleasing to the eye. I enjoyed the four-line stanzas very much. That feature allows the poem to flow very freely. I also enjoyed how each stanza was solely about a single item, save for the last which was a place.
Your use of rhyme was also excellent. It was not overbearing, but just enough to create a nice back and forth rhythm. I absolutely loved the way you described the items:
Those are just two that you used, but all were phenomenal.
The last stanza was also very, very intriguing.
Many think of a grave as a tomb, forever being caged, yet you use it as an escape. It's a very nice contrast.
I have absolutely nothing to nit-pick. This was an amazing poem and a joy to read. Amazing job, and keep on writing! I look forward to reading more
xx- Delirium